lala13 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I'd love to have a man answer this. If a girl sleeps with you the first time you hang out, is that it for you? You have no desire to call her again? You're done? What about if the first night is with a few friends and everyone is drinking pretty heavily and things go farther than expected? Is that enough to not call her again? My roommate and I have a running bet going about this subject. We're interested in opinions. Have a great night!
aubree1982 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I'm interested in a guys perspective on this as well! I'm not one to sleep with someone right away but it has happened a couple of times. Both have ended up in relationships so I didn't feel bad about them...although, one of them seemed like that was all we had was a sexual relationship and not much else other than friends. The other turned out to be someone I feel madly in love with. My best friend slept with her husband very soon, they knew of each other but it was the first time they hung out and they have been married for 2 years. I think it all depends on the circumstances of what led up to sleeping together and the connection you have. Although, it could also work against you where the guy thinks you are slutty or whatever.
carhill Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Can't speak for other guys, but I couldn't even fathom the circumstances which would allow or impel me to have sexual relations with a woman on a first date, even a woman I knew well. That's because I have no interest in casual sex. In fact, if a woman was overtly sexual with me early on, I'd likely not insult her, but wouldn't have sex with her and would be somewhat ambivalent about dating her. My reasoning is that such a person (man or woman) has sexual boundaries incompatible with my own and, IMO, is more likely to have casual sexual relationships (or the propensity thereof) if in a relationship and enduring relationship difficulties. As an example, if I had such boundaries, I'd likely have had one or more PA's during the 3 years or so my wife and I have been having difficulties, simply because it would be easy for me to connect sexually with someone; the boundary was low, regardless of my morals. It would seem more "normal" if/when I needed validation or a sense of intimacy.
saraispiel19 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I remember I asked my hubby the same question and he said: "If it was that easy once I can always come again, but i'll never respect her." So sleeping with a boy a.s.a.p. is not to your benefit.
trubella Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 in my experience.. sex too soon usually will get you placed in the FWB or easy lay category. hard for some guys to see you as serious potential for an R after that. not to say its not possible.. i waited a month with my current bf.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 My roommate has had a FB since early January. They slept together on the first date. He's come over, or she's gone there, about once a week since. They're "dates" last about an hour, if you know what I mean. Here I was thinking that it was a FWB situation, and that's it. Come to find out just a few minutes ago that they just made themselves "official" last night. So there ya go. It happens. BUT, I definitely think her situation is the exception, not the rule...
Redbull Rider Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I'd love to have a man answer this. If a girl sleeps with you the first time you hang out, is that it for you? You have no desire to call her again? You're done? What about if the first night is with a few friends and everyone is drinking pretty heavily and things go farther than expected? Is that enough to not call her again? My roommate and I have a running bet going about this subject. We're interested in opinions. Have a great night! it depends on the person and what goes on after that. if i'm diggin her from jump and we decide to drunk bang eachother...it is what it is. i'd probably have to decide if i want to anything more than that when i was wasnt pissy drunk anyway. but i might not be the guy you want to answer the question...i'm too old to be smashing off a chick i dont know...
Keridan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 It depends on the man involved quite a bit. If he's a game player, you likely won't hear from him again. If he's a nice guy, he'll prolly think you make him feel like a stud and you'll get a call. I personally never dodged a call after a first nighter.
IrishCarBomb Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Depends on the chemistry. If there's good chemistry, I will not hold it against her at all. In fact, I often like it when a girl I'm dating does what she feels and wants without regard the the stupid "rules" of dating. If we aren't really clicking, and she still wants to sleep with me right away, then I lose respect. It feels like she just wants my attention and validation, and without any real spark or chemistry between us it comes off as a huge lack of self respect.
woods321 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I don't feel any men automatically "lose respect". I think that is a big misconception amongst women. Lets say you meet a man... He feels a VERY strong attraction, and he likes you instantly. I think men usually know within minutes what role a certain woman can play in his life. If you DO NOT sleep with him, he will call you. If you DO sleep with him he will call you. Now, if a man is a little bit interested,or only sexually attracted, and you sleep with him instantly, he will probably not call. But, at the same time, if you do not have sex with him, He WILL STILL probably not call. It makes no difference to most men. But It just happens that often times the women they get "lucky" with are not there dream girl or anything close to it. They also say a woman becomes much more attractive to a man if that man KNOWS she is interested. I suppose having sex would be a signal that you are interested, but these days who knows. Just dont make him feel guilty for having the sex, as that is a turn off. Act as if it was a natural normal thing to do, which it is. You can save the "I never did this before so quickly" routine.
lino Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Depends on the chemistry. If there's good chemistry, I will not hold it against her at all. In fact, I often like it when a girl I'm dating does what she feels and wants without regard the the stupid "rules" of dating. If we aren't really clicking, and she still wants to sleep with me right away, then I lose respect. It feels like she just wants my attention and validation, and without any real spark or chemistry between us it comes off as a huge lack of self respect. I agree with this.
BoooredGuy Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 No relationship potential. None. If you were this easy with me, then you are this easy with other guys.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Im not into casual sex. I would never have a one night stand under any circumstances. (I've had the opportunity when drunk and I declined every time). I think that as a woman you should have more respect for yourself to do something as personal and special as sex with someone you dont know. That may say stupid and I'm sure a LOT of people disagree with that. Another reason is that if by accident I got pregnant or something, I would be worreid that the guy a) wouldn't stick around to help me b) wouldn't probably want to marry me so we could be a family (i have no plans of EVER having children out of wedlock. Like some other posters have said, it tends to make guys lose respect for you and not pursue a relationship.
endlesstrains Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Well, is it a factor whether or not you have known/been friends with the woman beforehand? I slept with my boyfriend pretty early on... I would say the second date, but the first date was kind of "is this a date or just friends going out alone?" material and I don't know if he considered it a date or not. We were both drunk and it just kind of happened. However, I'd been friends with him for a few months. I would NEVER sleep with a guy that quickly who I didn't know and at least somewhat trust... that just seems like a recipe for disaster. Of course, it was still kind of nervewracking, because after he left I felt like I had made a big mistake and ruined my chances with him (mostly because of constant advice from people that a guy will not be into you if you sleep with him too early.) But he ended up calling me the next day, saying he had a good time and wanted to see me again, and the rest is history. We have been dating 5 months now and our relationship is sexual but not based solely on sex. We do all kinds of things and we do not need to have sex every time we see each other, so I don't think the inital encounter set any kind of precedent.
carhill Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I'd like to reiterate that IMO, such a choice is more a function of compatibility rather than "right and wrong". Some people are quite comfortable with casual sex or acting quickly on an attraction they might feel. I think that's healthy, for them. If their prospective partner is like-minded, that is one area of compatibility. Perhaps, if they are compatible in other areas, a relationship can develop from such immediate intimacy. This is very individual. For myself, the difference is that I recognize my id (I have met a few women with whom I would have liked to have had sex with immediately), validate it, but follow my conscience and the path which I have laid out for myself regarding such matters. I can embrace it as a great fantasy, but not something I wish to pursue in reality. If a prospective date does, we're simply incompatible in that way. She will have no problem replacing me
Lauriebell82 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Well, is it a factor whether or not you have known/been friends with the woman beforehand? I slept with my boyfriend pretty early on... I would say the second date, but the first date was kind of "is this a date or just friends going out alone?" material and I don't know if he considered it a date or not. We were both drunk and it just kind of happened. However, I'd been friends with him for a few months. I would NEVER sleep with a guy that quickly who I didn't know and at least somewhat trust... that just seems like a recipe for disaster. Of course, it was still kind of nervewracking, because after he left I felt like I had made a big mistake and ruined my chances with him (mostly because of constant advice from people that a guy will not be into you if you sleep with him too early.) But he ended up calling me the next day, saying he had a good time and wanted to see me again, and the rest is history. We have been dating 5 months now and our relationship is sexual but not based solely on sex. We do all kinds of things and we do not need to have sex every time we see each other, so I don't think the inital encounter set any kind of precedent. Yeah it MIGHT help the situation if you are friends prior to sleeping together. However (like I said in my other thread) that has the potential to possibly turn into a FWB type deal. And if you aren't into that kind of thing, then the situation doesn't work in your favor.
endlesstrains Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Yeah it MIGHT help the situation if you are friends prior to sleeping together. However (like I said in my other thread) that has the potential to possibly turn into a FWB type deal. And if you aren't into that kind of thing, then the situation doesn't work in your favor. Well, we were friends, then went out on a couple of dates (the first one was a little iffy but the second one was definitely a date) and I had known for a while that he was interested in me. So, I guess it is a little complicated. It turned out that he is not the kind of personality to want to / be able to have a FWB type of relationship, but I didn't know that at the time.
tanbark813 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 For me it makes no difference. Almost every gf I've had I slept with on the first or second date. Whether or not I pursue something serious has nothing to do when we have sex. It's based on chemistry, her personality, her intelligence, how much I like her in general, how trustworthy I perceive her to be, and the extent to which she gets on my nerves. I'll also say this: One girl I went out with a few times and while we messed around we didn't have sex. She wanted to wait initially. I wasn't really interested in pursuing anything serious but the fact that she was holding back made it a challenge to me so I stuck it out just to have sex with her. Then we did and I broke things off a little later. It's not the most noble thing in the world but my point is that just because you hold off doesn't mean the guy is going to stick around. If a guy likes you, he likes you. And if he doesn't, or he doesn't enough to want a relationship, you can wait a week, a month, a year, whatever... It's not going to make a bit of difference.
tanbark813 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I don't feel any men automatically "lose respect". I think that is a big misconception amongst women. Lets say you meet a man... He feels a VERY strong attraction, and he likes you instantly. I think men usually know within minutes what role a certain woman can play in his life. If you DO NOT sleep with him, he will call you. If you DO sleep with him he will call you. Now, if a man is a little bit interested,or only sexually attracted, and you sleep with him instantly, he will probably not call. But, at the same time, if you do not have sex with him, He WILL STILL probably not call. It makes no difference to most men. But It just happens that often times the women they get "lucky" with are not there dream girl or anything close to it. They also say a woman becomes much more attractive to a man if that man KNOWS she is interested. I suppose having sex would be a signal that you are interested, but these days who knows. Just dont make him feel guilty for having the sex, as that is a turn off. Act as if it was a natural normal thing to do, which it is. You can save the "I never did this before so quickly" routine. I totally agree with this, especially the bolded part.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 *Sigh* The point has never been to hold off on sex to KEEP the guy around. The point is, seeing as most fledgling relationships don't work out AND women are incapable of keeping sex and feelings separate, it behooves a woman to wait to sleep with him until she's sure he's in it for real to protect her own feelings.
tanbark813 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 The point is, seeing as most fledgling relationships don't work out AND women are incapable of keeping sex and feelings separate, it behooves a woman to wait to sleep with him until she's sure he's in it for real to protect her own feelings. Well even with that as the motivation, just because he sticks around doesn't mean he's necessarily in it for real.
Linux Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 It may just be me but sleeping with me on the first date and you are MORE likely to get a call from me and I'll be MORE interested in starting a relationship. If I go out with a girl a few times and she shows absolutely no interest in sex I stop calling.
Star Gazer Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Well even with that as the motivation, just because he sticks around doesn't mean he's necessarily in it for real. I realize that. There's no guarantees. It's an odds game. But a guy is still more likely to be in it for real on the 5th date and not having had sex yet, than on the first date. That's all I'm saying.
audrey_1 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Depends on the chemistry. If there's good chemistry, I will not hold it against her at all. In fact, I often like it when a girl I'm dating does what she feels and wants without regard the the stupid "rules" of dating. I'm glad to read this opinion. I slept with the guy I'm seeing now the first night. We grew up together and hadn't seen each other in 15 years. Everything was clicking, we kept finding things to get into, then 3 a.m. rolls around. He's on the couch. I'm in his bed. I walked out to him and the rest is history. It seemed totally natural. It was the first time for me to do that. I surprised myself, but I simply lost the battle against my desire. It was intense. I don't feel any men automatically "lose respect". I think that is a big misconception amongst women. This is good to know. That "damned if I do, or damned if I don't" in matters such as this is a tough line to walk. A good friend of mine married her first nighter. They have been married for five years and seem to be going strong, but it probably depends on the man, of course. Just dont make him feel guilty for having the sex, as that is a turn off. Act as if it was a natural normal thing to do, which it is. You can save the "I never did this before so quickly" routine. Noted. I am guilty of this in the situation I mentioned above. I probably thought about it too much and should have just let it go. But we seem to be okay in spite of it, though the sex has dwindled. No relationship potential. None. If you were this easy with me, then you are this easy with other guys. I disagree with this. That is an unfair blanket statement. I would NEVER sleep with a guy that quickly who I didn't know and at least somewhat trust... Of course, it was still kind of nervewracking, because after he left I felt like I had made a big mistake and ruined my chances with him (mostly because of constant advice from people that a guy will not be into you if you sleep with him too early.) We do all kinds of things and we do not need to have sex every time we see each other, so I don't think the inital encounter set any kind of precedent. This is how my situation unfolded. We're still in touch after a year, despite it being long distance. He has told me more than once that it's not about the sex, that it's my companionship he enjoys. Is that a good thing?
jadedone Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I have to agree with Tan and Woods. Sex on first or second date has ZERO impact on whether or not I want a relationship with the woman. It's her personality, interests, chemistry, and looks that determine whether or not I want a relationship.
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