justaman99 Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 sorry to report that in my experience and those of my friends, younger men pull this kind of crap all the time. Yeah when i was 18 I pulled that same ****. -Just
Jilly Bean Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 My thing is I'd rather be miserable with him, then without him. You may want to be miserable with him, but he has no desire to be miserable with you. He is breaking up with you, Jackie. Be prepared for that when he gets back from his trip. He has been trying to let you down, but doesn't want to hurt you. It doesn't sound like a very happy situation anyhow. I would think you would welcome the break-up.
Walk Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 I have battled depression over the years and since being with him have completely stopped all forms of therapy and medication. You said you've been moody, gumpy, and unhappy and that it is caused by depression. You need to spend this time apart getting your life back on track. Set up an appointment to talk to a therapist. If its really depression, then take the stops to correct the problem. Sounds like you've been relying on your bf to put in the effort to make you happy. That is FAR too much of a burden to ask someone to take on when you aren't willing to pitch in and help yourself. And you haven't helped yourself... you quit going to therapy and stopped taking your medication. You're putting blame for your moodiness and unhappiness onto a (treatable) disease that you stopped treatment for. The only person responsible for your happiness is you. Your bf isn't responsible for making you happy, or for helping you stay positive about life. That has to come from inside you. You have to put some effort into finding happiness. Set up an appointment for a therapist, Go out, have fun, hang out with your best friends and do something new.... Re-connect with things that make you happy. You owe it to yourself to get help with your depression. Its something you can take positive steps toward improving. Taking steps to control your depression is the fastest way to help ease the pain and fear of what you're going through right now. Do something productive with the break you and your bf are taking. Anyway.. if that's you in the picture then all I can say is wow. Mentally you seem to have a great head on your shoulders, you're intelligent, and fairly mature for your age. Keep a positive attitude, and take charge of the things you can actually control in your life... your health and mental well-being. The rest will fall into place if you do that.
imbewildered Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 sorry to report that in my experience and those of my friends, younger men pull this kind of crap all the time. Easy solution Kamille - date older men.
Kamille Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Easy solution Kamille - date older men. Does the solution apply to you poor guys too? I do date older men, younger men etc. I love men. And I haven't experienced a situation like Jackie's since I was 23 (Jackie, you will learn to avoid these...)
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 So Jackie, how are you holding up, with all of this going on?
Kamille Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 And this is how it went.. We talked for about an hour. The first 20 minutes consisted of me crying and him holding me and kissing my forehead and playing with my hair. (yeah, thats suppose to comfort me during this break up) He kept saying "I do want us to be together, i want that more than anything but i want us to be happy together. He knows how i am and knows my moods and I have battled depression over the years and since being with him have completely stopped all forms of therapy and medication. So he knows i am not completely happy, and neither is. My thing is I'd rather be miserable with him, then without him. But anyways back on topic, he was saying he thinks we spend way too much time together (i stay over his place every single night up until the last few nights) and that he wants some space. He doesn't want us to be completely finished though. He is going to Atlantic city with some family and friends this weekend so it will give him his space away from me to clear his head. Once he returns we're probably going to wait a few days before we see each other again. He says he will still call and text and that he wants to get together tomorrow and hangout before we take this much needed space. I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst and I'm keeping my guard up for sure so i don't ever have to feel the way i felt last night again. Amor Vincit Omnia - love conquers all. Lets see what happens.. I should add Jackie: your boyfriend probably has good intentions but the situation is unfair to you. Don't count on him to pull you out of it - in his mind he is doing his best. What I would do in your shoes is, much like Walk suggested, focus on your own well-being until he sorts out whether or not he wants a relationship. Nothing you can do or say will influence his final decision. Try not to fall pray to insecurity. You're an articulate, beautiful young woman and even though right now you think you don't want to live without him, the fact of the matter is it would be better for you to live without him then to be with someone who isn't sure if he wants to be with you. I am speaking from experience. The best service you can do for yourself right now is focus on your own strenghts. Let him sort himself out. No matter what happens, you will be ok. And try to entertain the possibility that perhaps the two of you have done the bit of road you were meant to do together. Perhaps you have outgrown each other and that continuing the relationship at this point would only hinder your own growth. Focus on yourself, your goals, what you want to do. Don't hang on to him at the cost of your own self-esteem.
bish Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 So me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half now. Our relationship is pretty strong and only recently have we had an actual fight. Which we obviously got over and i thought got better from. Up until tonight. He was going to some party that i didn't want to goto, so i decided to just have a girls night and was perfectly fine going there. So we were texting back and forth before he went to the party and all of a sudden he was like i dont want to be together anymore. And then his reason is because i dont want to do the same things he does. I immediatley had my girlfriends drop me off back home so i could hopfully meet up with him and talk. But no, hes still going to this party not even giving me a chance to speak to him. He promised he wouldn't hook up with anyone else tonight and that we could meet up around 1 when he left to talk, or he would come over before he works tonight. Im so upset right now im shaking. Im so scared to loose him i've become so attached to him.. someone help =/ Partiers are not dependable.
Author jackie11 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 So Jackie, how are you holding up, with all of this going on? After our talk, when he walked me to my door and said goodbye to me i was floating on cloud 9, because i felt he was being so sincere with me and really wanted to make us work. Plus the kiss goodbye he gave me was the icing on the cake. I kept busy for the rest of the night an old friend had called and we chatted for a few hours. My boyfriend was texting me pretty much all night letting me know what he was up too. But then my mind started to wander, and thoughts ran through my head of how upset i am going to be when he goes away, how hard it is going to be to not know what he's doing down there, what if he really wants to end things but he just can't say it to my face? I love him so much but the last thing i want to do is force him to be with me. It doesn't seem like I am because I said to him many times, if you want this to be done for good tell me now, don't keep me hanging on if there's no hope. But he wanted to give it another try and i'm not going to deny him that because in my heart he's everything i want. Not to toot my own horn, but i think I'm a great catch and if he doesn't feel the same way I wish he would completely let me go and i will get back out on the prowl.
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 Glad to hear you're feeling positive through this. I really do hope that I am wrong in thinking that his actions are an attempt to end the relation. It'd be really good to see you two pull through! Not to toot my own horn, but i think I'm a great catch and if he doesn't feel the same way I wish he would completely let me go and i will get back out on the prowl. Well, as Walk said, given your mature attitude and your picture (assuming that is you), your prowl would probably last all of two paces. I can't imagine you having to search any harder than that.
Author jackie11 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 just a brief update today we hung out for a while. We went to the mall and i helped him pick out an outfit for AC. (I'm such a good girlfriend, making my boyfriend look good even though I'm not going to see him wear it ) After that we decided to come back to my place to relax for a little. We talked more about the situation and he said he would like to see me as soon as he gets back from AC. I'm not going to make myself extremley available to him so if I happen to be out with my girls when he returns he'll just have to wait. After all he wanted space. Everything seems to be going good right now but I'm not getting my hopes up too high. tomorrow while he is away i will be going to the city with my girlfriend. I'm super excited because I know it is going to keep my mind off of him for a while and keep me stress-free, plus I'm going to have a great time there. I decided to pull the plug on the "no sex" thing because I realized it will only make him go elsewhere. Plus I am human and need to get mine too . Thank you everyone for the advice, comments, the truth may hurt but everyone's opinion on here is giving me a new perspective. I'm feeling very positive right now and just seeing where this takes me!
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