HopePhil Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Every week, I go to her parents house by myself. I go there to pick up and drop off my son. Sometimes, when I am there, I may sit and talk to her parents briefly. Her dad is in the same business I am, so it makes it easy and her mom... well, I go to church with her almost every week, so we talk a lot. I have not been to her parents house in a long while when its been me and her together there as a couple. Sunday, my ex and myself were hanging out. It was a great day. We had just planned to relax and lounge at her place, but then she wanted to get out and run a few errands and then she wanted to buy some new pants for her larger (but very hypnotic) larger posterior. While we were out, her parents called her to come get some things from their house that they had bought for her from Costco. She asked me to go. I asked her if she was running in to get them quickly and at first she said yes, but when we pulled up, her brother was there too. She asked me to come in and I said I felt weird. She said "You shouldn't be. You come here all the time. Plus, you know my parents are happy we have been hanging out a lot lately." I went in and the visit was nice. Her dad asked about my work (I knew he would). Her mom asked if I went to church last Sunday (I did not... tired from getting over from being sick). I talked to her brother about movies and such. I guess I am posting because these actions confuse me. If i had no intentions of being with my ex, I would not take her to my p[arents... and especially say what she said. I dont know. I am not saying that is her way of saying we are back together, but why would she put her family through this if there was not a glimmer of hope within her? I am not really looking for an answer, I guess. More or less just 'verbally' saying out loud what I am thinking. Sunday ended up being a great day. No arguments or disagreements (for the whole 2 months we have been hanging out). Happy visits and we both look forward to seeing each other. The sex is amazing. especially compared to before. The changes in both of our bodies probably fuels that. Anyways, thanks for reading.
CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 How about not over-thinking things and just relax? Let whatever happens, happen. You can't force it, you can't change it. Too many bad things happen from over-analyzing every little aspect of life.
carrotgirl Posted July 28, 2008 Posted July 28, 2008 I am not really looking for an answer, I guess. More or less just 'verbally' saying out loud what I am thinking. Thanks for sharing Phil. Carrot
Author HopePhil Posted July 29, 2008 Author Posted July 29, 2008 Well, the last week has been very strange. She has almost completely pulled away. A few days after going to her parents, she started talking less and less. This pass weekend, she told me I was making her feel pressured. She is scared to tell me No if I ask for sex. I used to when we were married, but I dont now. I do not want to hurt her. But she says its hard to change her old thoughts. She also says I am being clingy, but SHE CONTACTS ME 75% of the time. I do ask to hang out more, but only after we have been talking. She has ignored several of my texts and has not talked to me in over 2 days. Last Thurs was the first time since May 19th that we have gone over 24 and then now its been over 2 days. Honestly, I am scared. I want to be with her and she knows it. I am scared I was a place holder until a man she really wanted came along.
justaman99 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Honestly, I am scared. I want to be with her and she knows it. I am scared I was a place holder until a man she really wanted came along. Sadly this is very possible. You need to back off and let her do her own thing and figure it out on her own. You can't call, contact because in her mind you're already being clingy. You're gonna have to sweat this one out.
Author HopePhil Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 Well, she contacted me last night. She wants to have dinner tonight. So, I decided to eat out instead of going to her place or her coming to mine. She also mentioned she has no plans this weekend, so left it up to me to decide which day we hang out. I do leave her alone, by the way. I was kind of amazed by a question she asked me this morning. When we were married, we both bought the same kind of car, just different colors. We got a good deal on buying 2. For some reason, we put a bigger down payment on my car, so my payments are about 20 bucks cheaper a month. I have been thinking about selling my car to get rid of a car payment and get cheaper insurance. I had to mention this as a possibility to my Ex because of the fact both of our names are on the title and I would need her to sign off on it. (this was mentioned a couple of weeks ago) This morning, she sent me a text asking if I did actually sell, for me to trade my car to her and for me to sell hers. Now, this would be great for her. Cheaper monthly payment. But for me, it would not be so good. Her car has a messed up rear bumper (she backed into a pole) and a lot of door dings while my car has a perfectly straight body, no paint chips or dings. She owes 2000 more dollars on hers than I do on mine. Hers also has 12k more miles on it. If i sold mine, after pay off, I would have about 7500 dollars to use on a decent used car. If i sold hers, I would only have about 2500 dollars. (based on KBB.com) Why would she ask something like this? haha
badbrit Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Because she knows she has you on the hook and right now you would do anything for her and so she wishes to exploit that. Totally true. Hell my ex stopped work when she had our child three years ago, I paid for EVERYTHING and gave her option whether to work, not work, work casually, part time, full time (do what suits her) and she could keep the money and not contribute to the home. So how many $$$'s do you think I spent on her in that time just living? Plus holidays, weekends away, treats, nights out blah blah. Oh and I purchased a new car for her also (never did anything like that for myself, I put her first and so she drives a nearly new car while I drive a 8 year old car) After we split we got in an argument because she would not give me access to our son properly, had trashed our old house leaving me with a problem with the landlord and other things, I tried to talk to her and she tried to drive off. I grabbed keys and said, "this is about our son and is important" and in doing so she grabbed my hand and snapped indictator stem. Bitch keeps going on about wanting the $200 to fix it. Yeah, whatever, she has $18000 of car (paid for by me) and wants me to pay to fix it. Whatever. They do it because they are selfish and know we want them back so badly we fear angering them. Dude, she is pulling your strings. I would have blown off the dinner and told her I had somewhere else to go and let her wonder where. I told you this and told you this and you are still giving her everything she wants without her having to have a single thing she doesnt while you get some of what you want but not what you REALLY want. And her incentive to actually give you more is where? What does she lose if she doesnt?
Author HopePhil Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 Well, she wanted to trade cars. I won't. I am not that dumb. She also wanted to trade the visitation days SHE SET back when we divorced so it would allow her more free time with her friends. I told her 'No'. She thinks I did it so she would not have time to hang out with her friends, but she has changed MY LIFE so much in the last year and a half, I am tired of her changing my life. I do stand up to her, I just don't really post it. A lot of why i 'give in' to her now is to settle my conscience because of the mistakes I made when we were together. I am righting the wrongs I made in the past. Stupid, maybe, but it does help me sleep better at night. BUT, I wont give in so much that it is flat out obvious she is taking advantage of me.
HisLove Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 Women do not respect men they can walk all over. Trust me on that. If you are wanting to get back together, then it has to be on equal terms with both partners making the effort. You are jumping through hoops and it's not attractive at all. So what if she wants to hang out or go to dinner or send a text, you will have her paying attention when you're not on the other end responding immediately. Create some distance so she starts to wonder that maybe somebody else is interested in you, or that what she's offering isn't something to turn yourself into a pretzel over. Be busy for the next couple of weeks and be vague. Don't offer information or keep her informed of your whereabouts. If you aren't together as a couple, you don't have to answer to her. That has to be the attitude that will win her back. And if it doesn't, well you've been busy with your life and not moping around with a sad look on your face. It really irks me when women think sex is some great favor bestowed on men. You have to 'ask' for it? Ugh.
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