Nevermind Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 A plea to take them back? An offer to try again? An apology? I would like my ex to understand that my pain was reasonable, that I had every right to feel wronged and hurt. I would like him to say that he understands he hurt me, that it were his action that caused this. I would like him to tell me that he lost someone special. And I would like him to say that this hurt him too. I will never have that. But...I really would like to hear it. But to be honest, even if he said it now...he lied so many times about it, I'd have trouble to believe him. What about you?
ioncebelieved Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 NM, I really do not want to say any of those things!! I would like to think my silence is saying it all!! Even though I am stupid as hell for having any hope in her at all. There are a million things I want her to say though!!!! better yet, a million things I want her to show me instead of telling me.
kizik Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 "You treated me well, and instead of appreciating you, I pushed you away. I pushed you away b/c I didn't want you to leave me. So I had to do it first. I stopped being able to see your love for me. Because the fact is, I do not love myself. Why do you think I always rejected your compliments? Because I don't value myself enough to accept that someone else thinks I'm pretty, intelligent, etc. I think about you every day. I miss you. I know that we'll never be together again, but you should know that I regret belittling you and treating you like a child. You didn't deserve any of it. I'm sorry. I will always care about you."
iwish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I'd like my ex to say that she was sorry and that she made a mistake. I'd like her to share the blame of the demise of our relationship. I'd like her to remember the good times like i do and i'd like her to see my point about her bloody flat mate. I'd like her to then hug me and ask to try again...
Chinook Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Unhappily, my ex couldn't actually say anything to me which would make my life any easier. He couldn't fix what happened and he couldn't take away the hurt he inflicted or the bond that he broke. So it's best he says nothing at all.
foxh1234 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I wish my ex had come to me 8 months ago and said, I'm falling out of love with you. Maybe then we could have worked on it together and gone to counselling or something. Even if it wouldn't have worked at least we could have ended it the right way instead of what happened.
ioncebelieved Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I wouldn't want my ex to say anything to me. She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. Prehaphs the bed she made is a comfortable pillow top, who knows either way that bitch is out my life now. i don't even want to have sex with her anymore, i think she disgusts me now. she's like one of those worthless girls who doesn't have anything but pretends as if she's worth something. at the same time when she was mine, she was nice & loving, however, she was sucking other people cocks while we were together, makes me look at her a little differently now. WOW!!! Tell me how you really feel!!!!! That mess hurts for sure!!! I in a sense turned a blind eye to mine. I was the other man and essential lied to, so in a sense I was cheated on too. That reminds me of the movie Clerks, when Dante told his current girlfriend, "Try not to suck any $%^& on the way to the parking lot!"
confused and broken Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I used to know the answer to this question...but at this point I am so confused I have no idea what I would want him to say
motive2002 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I would just like to hear the damn truth for a change. I don't care what it is she has to say, so long as it isn't a lie.
sfsassy Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I want him to say he was sorry for the way he treated me. That breaking up the way he did was just cruel. That he uderstood he had in a sese betrayed me. That he wishes me the best. However, I'm not holdig my breath.
quankanne Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 well, it's been 20 years, but what would be nice is an apology for being such a flippin' pig toward the end of the relationship. Granted I was pretty mature for my age, but socially, I was rather awkward and he was my first boyfriend. And I think because he was older and more experienced, he could have been a bit more tactful about dumping me, rather than gloating about how he picked up some redheaded 'ho from the airport and banged her after he put me on a plane back home (and other similar hurtful comments). I mean, I knew that between the age difference and the distance factor, the relationship just wasn't going to work out, but he didn't have to be such a pig, you know?
extraordinarymachine Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 This is what I'd like to hear: (total pipe dream, like we're talking this will NEVER HAPPEN but i wish it would) "I'm sorry I ruined our multi-year friendship by beginning a relationship I was not ready for. I wish I had been more careful with your heart. We owed it to one another to be sure we were ready to change things between us forever after growing up together for years and having close families. It would have spared us both heartache had I realized I am not ready to be committed. I realize now that I will lose "butterflies' in relationships every time, no matter what. However, the deeper level at which you are my best friend and the only person who was there for me when my brother died is more important than a constant thrill or emotional high. I value your loyalty, your kindness, your patience, and your love over a new emotional high with someone else. I wish I knew that these things are what are most important at the end of the day. I regret ending our year long relationship on the phone while you were working. That was cruel of me. I should have at least asked to see you in person and given you that dignity. I regret partying like crazy and using alcohol as a way to cope with my feelings. I am sorry you had to hear about that through your friends, it must have made you feel like who I was during our relationship was just a front. It's not. I really do care about you and I should have shown it better. I know that you are the best friend I have ever had and I took that too lightly. I am drinking a lot because I miss you and I am hurting. I don't know how to deal with everything I have been through. I know we can't go back in time and change things but I hope I can earn your trust again. We grew up together and helped each other through so much. You are valuable to me, moreso than the people I have been spending all my time with. They only care about the next drink and the next party but you've always wanted to hear about my day and my frustration, my hopes and my dreams. I love you for that. Most of all I am so sorry that I didn't tell you all this sooner. It must have been so hard for you to just shut me out of your life. I wanted to be friends but I know that was unfair because I wanted to use you for emotional comfort but not give you anything in return. I know it was unfair to expect that. I am a different person now and I hope we can at least go forward in peace if nothing more."
bish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 A plea to take them back? An offer to try again? An apology? Nothing, thats what I'd like to hear from her. Either that or, "guilty your honor" when she gets busted for something her new felon bf got her in to.
wareagle Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I'm sorry for the way I treated you!! I realize I need help, so I am in counseling, and yes I am going to keep going until I can get better, I'm not going one time and telling you that I don't need it! I love you and always will, I am moving out of my mother's with my daughter and I am going to learn how to live on my own, and be happy with who I am, for I know now that I will never be able to be happy or make anyone a good wife if I do not love myself first. Thank you for all that you have done for me, for without you I would never have accepted that I have some serious issues. I am going to stay single until I can heal myself!!
CailinPig Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Here's what I'd like to hear: "You're right. My gf isn't for me. You were right when you warned me that she was pushing all my friends outta my life. I will never do that again. You mean a lot to me. I'm always gonna be your friend and I'll never let my girlfriend control me to the extent she did."
extraordinarymachine Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Sometimes I just pretend that he has said everything I want to hear because I know that deep down it's best to forgive and move on. If I need to hear those words, I can say them to myself. It sounds weird but sometimes I have to remind myself I am worth that apology and that even if it hasn't happened, I can create justice within myself by living as though it has. I believe in letting people get their due. No revenge I could exact against them will hurt as much as the bitter taste of their own decisions and my refusal to hurt them back. Guilt is a mighty motivator--for me, not hurting my ex back leaves it open for him to see that he's been cruel without cause. Maybe he never will, but his life will never be fulfilling if he continues this way and that, to me, is enough cause to let him be his own worst enemy. Those who hurt us will continue to live in an empty way and hurt others. Eventually they also hurt themselves. Being bitter is a poison we drink ourselves, it cannot hurt the other person. Maybe that's not possible or even right in every relationship, but I generally believe in humanity and I think that most people want to love others but don't always know how or have things missing inside of themselves that make them hurt others. This is not true for everyone, but rather a sizeable number of folks. Obviously there are sociopaths, there are mentally ill people, there are those who are just mind-bogglingly cruel, and reading around here I notice that lots of people have come into contact with them. Those cases take exception, but your normal human selfishness is often a plague we can identify with in our own lives and therefore make peace with it in others. I know that sounds kinda pie-in-the-sky and overly fluffy and optimistic but I've been hurt terribly by people and it's the only way for me to get closure. I know for those who have been the victims of abuse (been there, believe me, I know your pain all too well) and infidelity these are not easy or even possible lessons, but for me they've been life saving.
sumdude Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I would just like to hear the damn truth for a change. I don't care what it is she has to say, so long as it isn't a lie. I second that!... Then again I'm not sure I'd want to know the whole truth after all... Yeah.. nothing is best. I did get the apology.. didn't help much..
kyta Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 This is what i want to hear. Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose. And every year her husband had sent them, tied with pretty bows. The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door. The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before. Each year he'd sent her roses, and the note would always say, "I love you even more this year, than last year on this day." "My love for you will always grow, with every passing year." She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear. She thought, "He'd ordered roses in advance before this day." Her husband could not have known, that he would pass away. He always liked to do things early; way before the time. Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine. She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase. Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face. And then she sat for hours, in her husband's favorite chair; While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there. A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate. With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate. Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before, The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door. She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock. Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop. The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain, Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain? "I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago," The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know." "The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance." "Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance." "There is a standing order, that I have on file down here, And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year. There also is another thing, that I think you should know, He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago." "Then, should ever, I find out that he's no longer here, That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year." She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard. Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card. Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote... "Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone, I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome." "I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real. For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel. The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life. I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife." "You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need. I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve. I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears. That is why the roses will be sent to you for years." "When you get these roses, think of all the happiness, That we had together, and how both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and I know I always will. But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still. "Please... try to find happiness, while living out your days. I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways. The roses will come every year, and they will only stop, When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock." "He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out. But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt, To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him, And place the roses where we are, together once again.
roghornio Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 It’s too late. Nothing can be said – it’s all irrelevant now. Now if she had flagged whatever issues she had had at the time and we could have talked it through. (Instead of everything is fine up until the last moment, then just whipping that rug from under my feet.) However I am guilty of the same – which is the thing that bothers me the most… why oh why didn’t I just …. I don’t even want to think about that, it really sucks when you look back and realize all the little things you could have done or said – would it be different ??!?!
Ingenue Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 This may be twinged with some bitterness since it's only been a month since I was dumped, but I'd like my ex to say: "Ingenue, I acknowledge that the manner in which I chose to break up with you, through email, was disrespectful and cowardly. After 5 years together, you deserved to be treated with more dignity than my email afforded you. I apologise"
ioncebelieved Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 This may be twinged with some bitterness since it's only been a month since I was dumped, but I'd like my ex to say: "Ingenue, I acknowledge that the manner in which I chose to break up with you, through email, was disrespectful and cowardly. After 5 years together, you deserved to be treated with more dignity than my email afforded you. I apologise" I see you got a s h i t t y cowards way out too!! I got mine over a landline 360 miles away. Five years and an email. Horrible!!!
Ingenue Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 I see you got a s h i t t y cowards way out too!! I got mine over a landline 360 miles away. Five years and an email. Horrible!!! I'm sorry you got the landline break-up. That's pretty deplorable. As for mine, the logical side of me can understand his need to do it through email as the medium provided him an opportunity to clearly articulate what he needed to say. He did apologise in that initial break-up email for resorting to email to do the deed. But the less understanding side of me still thinks it's a lousy way to dump someone. Granted, he did offer a phone call in subsequent emails; I declined the offer. I hope for his sake and for the sake of his future partners that he realises email is not an acceptable method to dissolve a relationship. I'm strangely not as bitter about it as I thought I would be. I'm more saddened. He is, deep down, a nice guy. Perhaps he's just not great at break ups.
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