v33 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Long story short. There is some mail at for the ex at my house. She texted me to ask if there was anything, I responded yes and left it at that. I am not hugely motivated to mail it to her as I feel it's pretty much her responsibility to deal with the fact she has not changed her address with everyone. However I do not particularly want her to come pick it up from me in person either, which the said in a voicemail she would like to do after work today. Now, I am doing just fine these days. I don't miss her, certainly don't want her back, but the thought of seeing her face-to-face makes me feel anxious. I haven't laid eyes on her in a long time, to the point where I am starting to forget what she really looks like, just like a vague image. I don't know if seeing her might upset me. What if she still looks good? What if she appears really happy? What might she talk about that could bother me? I guess the obvious answer is to find an alternate means of getting her her mail and avoiding the meeting. But there is a part of me that wants to see if I can face this, if I have let go, become strong enough to not be bothered by it. Is that a mistake? Am I just playing with fire here? Perhaps I don't need to know how I will take it. I think I really know what is best, I just want to hear from the community on this. Advice or opinion of any kind is welcome.
sunshinegirl Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 That's a tough call. Are you in any way hoping that face-to-face contact will spur some kind of reconciliation? That's probably the biggest risk and best reason not to do it... Last I heard, the US postal service was still in the business of ferrying envelopes back and forth...no reason you can't dump all her mail in a manila envelope and send it her way.
Chinook Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 As Sunshinegirl says, no reason why you can't ask her for a work/correspondence forwarding mail address and send it on there. Yes, it's not your responsibility but is the unwillingness to do anything about it actually engineering things so she HAS to come over and pick it up. If she can wait and it's not urgent, I'd re-mail it out to her.
Author v33 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Reconciliation? No way. Things are neutral to awkward between us at present and I think really that's how it should remain till we both drift out of each other's minds. Yes, I think I should just mail them to her. It seems silly as she is literally a couple minute walk away and if this was anyone else I would simply meet and drop it off, but this isn't anyone else. We had a messed up R, a messed up break-up and she's kinda weird. She did ask me to text her this evening and let her know if she can pick it up, so I think I will put everything in an envelope go to the post office, mail it and then text her an say that's exactly what I did. Ya for sure there is no good reason to meet her in person and no good that can come of it. I think I am most bothered by the fact that I have an issue with meeting her. But that's normal right? It doesn't mean I am hung up on her. She did some crappy things to me during and after the R, so that's reason enough to not want to see her, even if she is nice on the phone.
Author v33 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Yes, it's not your responsibility but is the unwillingness to do anything about it actually engineering things so she HAS to come over and pick it up. If she can wait and it's not urgent, I'd re-mail it out to her. Good point. Thanks. Hey if it was that urgent wouldn't she have filed a change of address?
foxh1234 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Hi V33, don't do it. Simple as that DO NOT DO IT. Seeing them does nothing but hurt. Trust me, I have been there.
Chinook Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Good point. Thanks. Hey if it was that urgent wouldn't she have filed a change of address?Precisely my friend. So she engineered the situ to come and get it. Best advice is still to mail it to her and ignore everything else, she's mind gaming you again.
Author v33 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Thanks, all. I knew I shouldn't meet. I am just going to mail it right after work then text her I did and remind her to change the addresses. I don't want to do this every week, have this pointless contact. But I don't want to be all "Don't contact me anymore" as it would imply that she still can have an effect on me. I really just want to not have to bother with her in any capacity. I am going to be moving soon, so I won't be dealing with any mail that shows up anyways.
Author v33 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Another text asking when she can come pick up the mail. This is a first. The eagerness to pick it up in person concerns me as any previous interaction we might have had in the past after the R she would do her very best to avoid. Of course now that MY life is back on track and I have moved on, she wants to re-establish some kind of contact. I suspect things are not all roses for her anymore, but I really do not need to know anything about her life, nor does she about mine. Ya, this persistence is odd.
serendip Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Don't do it Put it in a envelope...mark her name and leave it in front of door and tell her to change address
Geishawhelk Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 THis is what you do: Text her - "I have put all your post in the mail. It should be with you in the next couple of days. Please note: any future post arriving will be disposed of. " If she texts back to protest, or to say anything, just reply: "it's not my problem. so don't make it my problem."
justaman99 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Dont go see her. If you're questioning how you'll feel it's a bad sign and not worth the risk. You're doing better today as it is. What I would do is write "no longer at this address" on the mail and dump it back in the postal service mailbox. Tell her she needs to spend a moment and a buck changing her mail and give her this website: https://moversguide.usps.com/?referral=USPS -Just
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