wareagle Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Man Fox you are a rock, A ****ING ROCK MAN!!!! You handled yourself well, and I applaud you for that!! You know what is best for you!! I dread the day that my ex tries to walk back into my life, IF she tries to that is, so much has happened! I don't know right now if I could be as strong and to the point as you were, so I hope if it happens it isn't anytime in the near future!! When I say near future I'm talking about another 6 months probably! I am going to bookmark this post so that I can look back on it for reference if she ever does. Stay strong dude!!
CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Good job, Fox. She made that bed, she can sleep in it. It may even teach her a lesson that she can not take people for granted, take advantage of their loving hearts and expect them to be forgiven at the drop of a hat. It should never work that way. By the way, her BS line "I miss what we had..." or whatever. I would have simply said "You didn't seem to value any of that when you were spreading your legs for another man...." (I'm harsh, what can I say?!) She has a lot of nerve doing what she did. And you absolutely did the right thing. And unlike a lot of us who have been rejected, YOU got to reject the rejecter. That's frikken AWESOME for you man. I'm really proud of how you handled things.
Author foxh1234 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Good job, Fox. She made that bed, she can sleep in it. It may even teach her a lesson that she can not take people for granted, take advantage of their loving hearts and expect them to be forgiven at the drop of a hat. It should never work that way. By the way, her BS line "I miss what we had..." or whatever. I would have simply said "You didn't seem to value any of that when you were spreading your legs for another man...." (I'm harsh, what can I say?!) She has a lot of nerve doing what she did. And you absolutely did the right thing. And unlike a lot of us who have been rejected, YOU got to reject the rejecter. That's frikken AWESOME for you man. I'm really proud of how you handled things. Thanks alot CG, I really appreciate the words. As hard as it was and as much as it hurts today, it was the right thing to do. Give me a week to recover and I will be back to normal.
CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Thanks alot CG, I really appreciate the words. As hard as it was and as much as it hurts today, it was the right thing to do. Give me a week to recover and I will be back to normal. Just remember, she's getting a taste of her own medicine. She may not like the taste, but it's GOOD for her. You did nothing wrong and you had every right to say what you did. Don't feel sorry for her man. She wasn't considering YOUR feelings when she was sleeping around on you. Karma's a b*tch!
Author foxh1234 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 Your story actually made me tear up. I've been following your threads and I think you did the right thing but it's still sad for the both of you. I know she cheated but it seems like she really believes she made a mistake. That must have been really hard not to go after her. You are a very strong, caring man. I wish you the best! Thanks for the kind words Carrot, I am sorry if it made you cry.
tinke Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 foxh1234, It is always a wonder where we seem to muster up that kind of strength. There must have been a dire need within yourself to express yourself as you did. What courage, and tremendous self-respect you displayed. Now that the "rush" is passing, it seems natural to second guess your words/actions. Think of this...If things had worked out with her and her "friend", she would have left you in the dust with no further action. Did she ever call to simply apologize for the hurt caused? It was not until the ole green grass lost its luster that she came calling. You deserve better. If there was true remorse, I would think she would have expressed her sorrow sooner. Even as I had said, to apologize for the end of the relationship, etc. If you're feeling bad for her, it may be because you are already moving into a more secure position and may feel a sense of stability. But, if things were good in her current relationship, do you believe she would care about contacting you? She chose to leave, you were left with piecing back fragments of you, reinventing you. Don't allow yourself to have regrets over your words, it was what you were feeling. We just cannot go back to what it was. Would you ever be able to trust her?
Author foxh1234 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 foxh1234, It is always a wonder where we seem to muster up that kind of strength. There must have been a dire need within yourself to express yourself as you did. What courage, and tremendous self-respect you displayed. Now that the "rush" is passing, it seems natural to second guess your words/actions. Think of this...If things had worked out with her and her "friend", she would have left you in the dust with no further action. Did she ever call to simply apologize for the hurt caused? It was not until the ole green grass lost its luster that she came calling. You deserve better. If there was true remorse, I would think she would have expressed her sorrow sooner. Even as I had said, to apologize for the end of the relationship, etc. If you're feeling bad for her, it may be because you are already moving into a more secure position and may feel a sense of stability. But, if things were good in her current relationship, do you believe she would care about contacting you? She chose to leave, you were left with piecing back fragments of you, reinventing you. Don't allow yourself to have regrets over your words, it was what you were feeling. We just cannot go back to what it was. Would you ever be able to trust her? Hi Tinke, Thanks for responding. You are right, she made the decision to cheat and leave me, she now has to accept it and carry on. You are also right that she probably would have never contacted me if the new guy worked out for her. I don't regret what I said, I just still feel bad that 8 years with this person had to end this way. There are no winners in this.
tinke Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 We win by taking the wisdom learned and applying it in future relationships, I believe...that's it! The "winning" part comes from actually utilizing the gained info., not just knowing it.
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Hi Tinke, Thanks for responding. You are right, she made the decision to cheat and leave me, she now has to accept it and carry on. You are also right that she probably would have never contacted me if the new guy worked out for her. I don't regret what I said, I just still feel bad that 8 years with this person had to end this way. There are no winners in this. I didn't notice you say she apologized. That's the funny thing about cheaters. They always absolve themselves from any "wrongdoing".....
Author foxh1234 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 I didn't notice you say she apologized. That's the funny thing about cheaters. They always absolve themselves from any "wrongdoing"..... She said she was sorry that she hurt me and that she knows she made a mistake. Not really an apology in my book. I know she just said it to make herself feel better. They were really just empty words to my ears. I really don't care about apologies at this point, it is done and I want to put it behind me as quick as I can.
Nevermind Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 My ex actually forgave me for handling the affair and his behaviour so badly. Such a great guy. So, yes cheaters are the worst and all about themselves. Fox: it's a great attitude. She is not worth your thoughts, or time.
Author foxh1234 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 My ex actually forgave me for handling the affair and his behaviour so badly. Such a great guy. So, yes cheaters are the worst and all about themselves. Fox: it's a great attitude. She is not worth your thoughts, or time. Thanks NM, the problem now is getting the thoughts out of my head. Everything came rushing back after the coffee shop.
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 She said she was sorry that she hurt me and that she knows she made a mistake. What she was really saying was "I'm sorry I got caught..." Not really an apology in my book. I know she just said it to make herself feel better. She may even be sorry for hurting you, but she has not accepted that what she did was wrong and hurtful. My ex did said the same thing, but she never apologized for cheating. She was simply sorry that she got "caught" that is all. They were really just empty words to my ears. I really don't care about apologies at this point, it is done and I want to put it behind me as quick as I can. Onward and upward! You don't need a woman like that in your life. It's sad that you put 8 years into it and this is the way she shows her love, by tossing it all away and moving in with another guy. But, it's better you find this out now than be married and have her cheat. "It's better to be single and lonely than married and miserable…"
critter909 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 "It's better to be single and lonely than married and miserable…" A friend of mine who is in a crappy marriage (even though she tells people it's good, figure that one out) says: It's ok to be alone, what's not ok is to be with someone and still be alone.
Chinook Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Fox, the parts on this thread about her apology (or lack of) remind me of the One Republic song "Apologize". Very apt. In her case, it's simply too late. You'll be okay hon.
CaliGuy Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 A friend of mine who is in a crappy marriage (even though she tells people it's good, figure that one out) says: It's ok to be alone, what's not ok is to be with someone and still be alone. Yeah being married and alone is worse!
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