silvergirl Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 So here goes, me and my boyfriend of 3 years split up and then got back together, but I can't help but feel like we should have stayed broke up. I love him dearly, but I'm more miserable when I am with him. We don't have the typical relationship, it is very dysfunctional and very hard to explain. What I need to know is, how do you tell someone you vowed to stay with and try and make things work, that you think you made a mistake and that it would be better for you to be apart?
Lauriebell82 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 So here goes, me and my boyfriend of 3 years split up and then got back together, but I can't help but feel like we should have stayed broke up. I love him dearly, but I'm more miserable when I am with him. We don't have the typical relationship, it is very dysfunctional and very hard to explain. What I need to know is, how do you tell someone you vowed to stay with and try and make things work, that you think you made a mistake and that it would be better for you to be apart? Wow that's a tough one. Why did you get back together with him in the first place if you were happier without him? Did you think things would change?
Tyra Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Just tell him that you are not happy as you use to be in this relationship. Let him know that it is not him, but it's you. Explain to him that you will feel better if the two you weren't dating now, and just remain friends. Tell to him that by the two of you just being friends, it could help bring ya'll relationship back to what it use to be. I know this won't be easy, but good luck.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Just tell him that you are not happy as you use to be in this relationship. Let him know that it is not him, but it's you. Explain to him that you will feel better if the two you weren't dating now, and just remain friends. Tell to him that by the two of you just being friends, it could help bring ya'll relationship back to what it use to be. I know this won't be easy, but good luck. I agree with parts of this, however I don't know if giving him the option of being friends is such a good idea. He may think that he still has a chance to win you back if he is still in your life. That may give him some false hope and in turn make things more complicated. I agree that you may just want to tell him flat out that you aren't interested in being together anymore. It will hurt him, but he'll get over it.
Tyra Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I agree with parts of this, however I don't know if giving him the option of being friends is such a good idea. He may think that he still has a chance to win you back if he is still in your life. That may give him some false hope and in turn make things more complicated. I agree that you may just want to tell him flat out that you aren't interested in being together anymore. It will hurt him, but he'll get over it. I agree. Good point about remaining friends will only make it complicated.
mental_traveller Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Just tell him that you are not happy as you use to be in this relationship. Let him know that it is not him, but it's you. Explain to him that you will feel better if the two you weren't dating now, and just remain friends. Tell to him that by the two of you just being friends, it could help bring ya'll relationship back to what it use to be. I know this won't be easy, but good luck. With all due respect, I think this is bad advice. This is what every woman says, it's so cliched and would just infuriate most guys. Show some guts and instead of lying to "spare his feelings" (lol), tell him the truth - say you're not happy with things and that you want to finish it off. Men can't take it, don't worry. It's also (IMHO) insanity to expect to remain friends after dumping someone. It will just mess with their head. Let him go and let him move on, then find someone more suited.
tanbark813 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 What I need to know is, how do you tell someone you vowed to stay with and try and make things work, that you think you made a mistake and that it would be better for you to be apart? I would start with, "I think I made a mistake and it would be better if we were apart."
CommitmentPhobe Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I love him dearly, but I'm more miserable when I am with him. Either get some counselling to work it out and make a commitment to work at it or breakup with him and leave each other alone. There's no good way to put it, but you have to make a commitment either way and no more wishy washy attempts at reconcilliation.
Walk Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I would start with, "I think I made a mistake and it would be better if we were apart." I second this. Its honest. Its clear. If you aren't quite willing to take that step yet, then I would (in your head) draw up a list of things that would have to change in order for you to be happy in the relationship, and then discuss those with your bf. Set it all out very clearly about what you want and need from the relationship. Then allow him to either make those changes, or not. If he doesn't... then break it off completely. But only go that route if you feel you would like the relationship to be better, and you are willing to work with your bf to make it better. If you'd rather not put in that effort, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake and ending the relationship. Just be honest and straightforward about it, and treat him with respect. In the long term, your bf will be happier if you're honest about not wanting to be in the relationship then he would be if you stayed and were unhappy.
sid3 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I agree. And you should be certain that you won't want to try and work it out once he's not a part of your life again. Staying friends is not usually a good idea right away.The truth hurts, but they also say it will set you free.
MusicChick24 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I agree with the above statements, however as is obvious make POSITIVELY sure you want to end it before you do. But just be clear and to the point. Don't sugar coat it or beat around the bush that will just make him mad and hurt him more. <3
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