Rakasa Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 OK, common situation. I was dating a girl for a few months, things were going well but then she pulled back suddenly when she started contacting her ex from 2 years ago (I did not know at the time she was doing this, only that she said she "didn't want a relationship right now"). We continued to hang out as best friends, as I thought she would come around to wanting me again (because her ex finally told her that he did not want her back) and I certainly saw and heard many indicators of interest from her. Anyway, I fell in love with her but she doesn't feel the same way. OK fine, we are still close so lately we try to be friends but the the other night we were out at a bar and some guy (who I did not like immediately from his cocky persona) that is a roommate of her good friend was hitting on her and flirting with her for a couple hours. They had met once the week before at the friend's Bday party (I was invited but could not go). I am talking to others but of course I am watching these two out of the corner of my eye. As the night ends, he proceeds to walk out of the bar with her with his arm around her. As a pure emotional reaction, I go up to them, knock him away from her, and push him up against the wall until his friends jump in. No fight but lots of tension. Yeah I feel like a fool, but I love this girl and don't want to see her go home with a player right in front of my eyes. So I know we can't be friends anymore. Yes, it is her right to talk to guys and be hit on if we are just friends. My problem is I can't get the thought of these two being intimate together out of my head. I don't know if it has happened by now or will happen but when you love a girl you can't stand this thought. As they have a mutual connection (the roommate) I am sure they will be hanging out more often. How do I deal with this situation? Because it is really consuming my mind right now and I just want it to go away. I am trying to forget about the girl, going NC, but in the meantime the constant jealous thoughts of the two together are still there. I don't want to be like this. What is wrong with me? Do I have some deep-rooted psychological problem or would other guys react the same in this situation?
Ronni_W Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 My problem is I can't get the thought of these two being intimate together out of my head. Yes, it does feel very difficult to take back command of one's own thoughts, doesn't it? It's hard to become aware of what one is thinking, and then make the effort to consciously change an undesirable thought. Have you considered learning a thought management technique like meditation? -- it takes practice to master but you will enjoy other benefits, too, if you keep at it. Also, you can practice aversion therapy on yourself -- wear a nice & strong rubber band on your wrist, and give yourself a nice & hard 'zap' every time you become aware of thinking about them having sex. Your brain will soon choose a different thought...trust me
VenusInFurs Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 You don't have a deep-rooted psychological problem, you're being normal. You care about her. You're jealous. How to get rid of the thoughts? Distract yourself. Immerse yourself in a hobby, go out with other friends, meet new people, do new things, go out to new places. Keep your mind occupied so you don't have time to think about her and that guy.
lolobear Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 you're not weird at all, it's perfectly normal to be jealous in those situations. however, i think at this point you have to either decide whether or not you're going to invest all your efforts into getting her back, or invest all your efforts in getting over her.
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