Angel1111 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Do any of you actually know of any truly happily married people? I think that, out of all the people I know, I can think of maybe 2 or 3 couples that I would say are content, compatible and don't have any really dark issues underlying their marriage. I don't mean their marriage is perfect, but I mean happy, and neither of them is constantly looking for an exit door. Kinda discouraging when you think about it.
Keridan Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 If content is the standard, then I know of a few. Not fair to reference mine because it's still fairly new, but my in-laws have a few and much of my family has traditional southern values and comes across that way. I'm including a few same-gender couples as marriages, even tho they can't legally get the paper. I know what you mean, tho. Sometimes it feels all too rare. That doesn't mean they aren't out there.
luvstarved Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 It is far too rare...and that is discouraging because what is supposed to be the greatest human relationship of your life and a source of strength and love becomes a miserable and/or confusing existence...it seems marriage these days is thought more of as a pile of statistics and fodder for insensitive sexist jokes than the bonding of two human spirits. It's VERY sad. I really think that couples would benefit greatly if they had some kind of pre-marital heads up, counseling or something, that gives some basic instruction on effective communication and mutual respect and cherishing, etc. Something that focuses on the benefits of marriage instead of the "sacrifice"...and how to overcome the obstacles that are typical to any marriage. I am not sure how this could get implemented though...I think most people are too starry-eyed when they get married to think that they need it and it doesn't seem right to require it...but it certainly should be available, and if it is, it is poorly marketed...
Lizzie60 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Do any of you actually know of any truly happily married people? I think that, out of all the people I know, I can think of maybe 2 or 3 couples that I would say are content, compatible and don't have any really dark issues underlying their marriage. I don't mean their marriage is perfect, but I mean happy, and neither of them is constantly looking for an exit door. Kinda discouraging when you think about it. I know a few.. like this couple (friends) married for 65 yrs.. he cheated like half of those.. though.. but they've always been happy... still together.. in an old-age home. My parents.. still together.. happy (I think).. he also cheated most of his younger life... I guess the women forgive easily...
grogster Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Happiness should not be the reason people marry. I look at marriage as a functional economic unit to raise kids--nothing more, nothing less. If you find happiness, that's a fortuitous by-product, and you should be overjoyed. As a happily divorced guy, being single is my favorite place.
Mz. Pixie Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I have a happy marriage. I know several couples who do. My inlaws have been married over 40 years and my father has been married to my stepmother for 37 years.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Do any of you actually know of any truly happily married people? I think that, out of all the people I know, I can think of maybe 2 or 3 couples that I would say are content, compatible and don't have any really dark issues underlying their marriage. I don't mean their marriage is perfect, but I mean happy, and neither of them is constantly looking for an exit door. Kinda discouraging when you think about it. I could name 4 couples I know perfectly that their marriages are great! The thing is marriage is hard work it's a slow sprint not a race. When things get hard dont run away from issues confront them head on and keep focused. Allow no outside influences to tarnish your partner. To the women that includes nosy ass miserable girlfriends. Who dont have a man. To the men that includes those 22 yr old who work in the food court with those tight black pants that gives you extra fries with a smile. Marriage is a job but the right two people can make it look effortless. Problem is this generation dont have the tools to sustain it like people in the past did. All that stuff our parents did in the pasts is seriously catching up to us now.
PandorasBox Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Do any of you actually know of any truly happily married people? I think that, out of all the people I know, I can think of maybe 2 or 3 couples that I would say are content, compatible and don't have any really dark issues underlying their marriage. I don't mean their marriage is perfect, but I mean happy, and neither of them is constantly looking for an exit door. Kinda discouraging when you think about it. Yes, I know a couple like this. They have been married 23 years. I remember them both telling me it wasn't always rosy, BUT what made their marriage great, is they both decided working on the marriage together is what they truly wanted. Neither came from the best background and had pretty rotten childhoods. They both decided they did NOT want a marriage like both of their parents had, and didn't want their kids to go through what they did. So they both changed their behaviors and got on the same page about where they wanted their marriage to be, and they pulled it together. I'm not saying they don't have a disagreement here or there, but for the most part they really wanted what they now have, and they both made it so.
Woggle Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I know a few including my in-laws who are an example of what a marriage should be but far too many marriages I know are miserable. I just don't think that most in this self centered society we live in have what it takes to a marriage work.
Aloros Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Most of the marriages that I know of are very happy, many of them lasting over 30 years (so far!). I've noticed that in these marriages, each person puts their partner's needs as their priority, and that they are always doing things to keep the "spark" alive.
Author Angel1111 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 My parents were happy. The thing I remember the most is that they both had a sense of humor and a great deal of respect for one another. I've always wondered why the three most important things in our lives are not addressed in school: money, relationships, and raising children.
trubella Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I have a happy marriage. I know several couples who do. My inlaws have been married over 40 years and my father has been married to my stepmother for 37 years. longevity of a marriage doesnt necessarily equal happiness. i have family members that have been married for decades who stay married because their *comfortable* with that being said i only know of 2 couples who seem to be happy, but who really knows.. they could say they are but mean the opposite.
Touche Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 My H and I are happily married for 13 years. This fall we'll have been together 14. He's a loyal, honest, wonderful man. I'm very lucky to have him. Have things always been perfect? Nope. And I know they won't always be. But we've weathered all of our storms together. We continue to be each other's best friend. There are good marriages out there.
luvstarved Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I've always wondered why the three most important things in our lives are not addressed in school: money, relationships, and raising children. Primarily because for at least the last two, there is no right answer and it gets into beliefs and values...which public schools are not supposed to get into...presumably you are taught that at home by your stable loving parents.
Desperado620 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Well, my parents are still together after almost 30 years, and they seem pretty happy. My H and I have only been married a couple years, and not very long "officially", and there have been ups and downs but we're happy. I think there are a couple reasons you don't find many happily married couples. First, I believe people do not think in the long, long run when they get married these days. They're not thinking about spending their ENTIRE life with this person, because divorce is always an option. That's another thing, divorce is always an option these days. It no longer carried the stigma it once did. I'm sure that means that a lot of people stayed unhappily married, but probably made a lot of people work harder than they otherwise would have. Personally, I think it's because a good, happy marriage requires WORK. IMHO people today avoid work as much as possible, and I'm sure that's a contributing factor. I know, though, that it CAN be done.
silktricks Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 My husband and I are happily married. We definitely had a couple of large bumps in the road, and there will probably be more bumps, as life isn't a paved highway . But time spent - we've been happy for much more of it than either of us have been unhappy - so it's all good. As far as other couples - I know a few happy marriages - and a few unhappy and even very unhappy ones. As another poster said - time together does not necessarily equal happiness sometimes it just equals convenience....
luvstarved Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Have not heard any references yet to the obvious fact that previous generations were much more codependent than we are. I regarded a lot of older couples with some disdain because I thought many were just "stuck" with each other and might have found happiness had they been able to get the hell out of it. As I get older, though, my tune has changed. For a lot of people, I think divorce would have been the right thing...but for many, their "stuckness" allowed them to get past the crap and I have seen many couples come through the other side quite happy with each other. Having said that, though, I think when a marriage works today it is all the more remarkable because the parties involved actively CHOSE to stick it out together and aren't quite as saddled perhaps with feelings of "what if..." or bitterness... I've certainly had my years of bailing because the other person became problematic for me, etc...but at some point you feel you've never really gotten close, nobody you're with can talk with you about what happened 10 years ago, or understand some of your previous struggles and you just want to be KNOWN and UNDERSTOOD and APPRECIATED by one special person. That's where I am at, anyway. I am on my quest for the Great Marriage and some of you who know me here know that I ain't giving up on it easily.
porter218 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 My parents have been happily married for 30 years, 2 of my aunts have been happily married for almost that long as well. My cousin and my self are both happily married too. Now my marriage is not perfect(he cheated for a couple years) but we have made it back to happiness and we are both thankful to have each other. Almost all the marriages on my moms side are good ones, But all the ones on my husbands side of the family were awful and all have fallen apart.
quankanne Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 my folks were married 50 years before Mom died, but I don't think I would classify it a happy marriage ... more like it's what they knew, and it was expected of them to stay together, and the only real reason it worked was because my mom was too damned nice to take a two-by-four to his head for an attitude adjustment whenever he started being a jackass. that said, I don't know if I could even use the word "happy" when describing a marriage, but I have seen marriages – long- and short-term ones – that "worked" because both parties were proactive in making a success of things, as luv points out. I'm pretty sure that DH and I have one of those relationships, though it's not been without its trials. With help, we've managed to make it into something we want it to be … and I'm hoping that the kids in our combined families will look at us and say "Aunt and Uncle aren't perfect, but I want what they have because it looks like they really enjoy being with each other."
Mr. Lucky Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 my folks were married 50 years before Mom died, but I don't think I would classify it a happy marriage ... I was going to throw in the old joke that I've been happily married for 5 years... ...out of 20 years total . But really, I've been very happily maried for 21 years to my second wife. I have the unique perspective of a truly rotten first marriage that makes me appreciate my current spouse even more. She's slow to anger and quick to forgive and somehow feels that my happiness is her personal responsibility. It was dumb, blind luck because, trust me, I wasn't smart enough to find someone like her on my own . I will agree that happy, long-term relationships seem to be more the exception than the rule... Mr. Lucky
Mz. Pixie Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 longevity of a marriage doesnt necessarily equal happiness. i have family members that have been married for decades who stay married because their *comfortable* Of course it doesn't but both of the couples in my post are still happy after all those years.
Virgo1982 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I was going to throw in the old joke that I've been happily married for 5 years... ...out of 20 years total . But really, I've been very happily maried for 21 years to my second wife. I have the unique perspective of a truly rotten first marriage that makes me appreciate my current spouse even more. She's slow to anger and quick to forgive and somehow feels that my happiness is her personal responsibility. It was dumb, blind luck because, trust me, I wasn't smart enough to find someone like her on my own . I will agree that happy, long-term relationships seem to be more the exception than the rule... Mr. Lucky That is so sweet Mr. Lucky. Warmed my heart.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 There is a quote that I have heard: "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you have chosen to look beyond the imperfections." And it's true. I know a few married couples who have had their ups and downs but overall love each other and are trying to make things work. My best freind and her husband fight a lot, but are still happily married. I don't think it goes by how much you argue or how many issues come up. Like some of the other posters have said, having issues does not mean you aren['t compatible: it's whether you can work them out or not. I firmly believe that if two people truely love each other and are committed to making their relationship work, they will. Incomptibility is usually of not being able to handle conflict effectively or having different values-this does break up a lot of marriage, but at least trying to communicate these differences and come up with a happy medium can be the difference between being married vs. being divorced.
Author Angel1111 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 I firmly believe that if two people truely love each other and are committed to making their relationship work, they will. Incomptibility is usually of not being able to handle conflict effectively or having different values-this does break up a lot of marriage, but at least trying to communicate these differences and come up with a happy medium can be the difference between being married vs. being divorced. I used to believe this, too. Especially growing up with parents who loved each other and living in a warm, happy home. It all seemed so simple. But I really missed the boat when it came to choosing. I can assure you that love is not always enough. You can love each other with all your heart but if one or both cannot show respect or understand boundaries, the relationship will crash and burn. This is not always about communication, either. You can communicate about how their behavior makes you feel until the cows come home, and still get no results. True respect would motivate a person to discontinue behavior that is hurting or adversely affecting the one they 'love'. A lot of people just don't understand this basic concept.
Moose Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I consider our marriage a, "happy" one.....it has it's ups and downs to where we can't stand each other..... BUT, with our commitment to each other, we realize it's a phase and most of the time we work them out....
Recommended Posts