SundaeMorning Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 It's barely been a month and a half since the breakup of my 3yr relationship... and I'm already hearing "date a new guy," "find a hobby already," "get over it," etc. UM, ouch? Sorry I can't JUST get over it like that *snaps fingers* Are there no such things as Sex&TheCity-style girlfriends who are willing to be supportive and listen without a condescending voice? Are my guy friends really the ones to ask when all they can tell me is that *he (the ex) is okay because he knows how to distract himself and focus on moving on... They're so nonchalant about it all. It makes me feel like my "situation" isn't worth even thinking about. I don't want it to be the topic I'm dwelling on constantly, but I also know that it takes a WHILE to learn how to not do so... This just all seems so ridiculous to me. I know life and time doesn't stop for anyone... I just don't want to be expected to be over something that meant so much to me and was a huge part of my life for the past few years. What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm nowhere near dating a new person... and I want to find new hobbies or a new job on my own time.. I'm not close to my family and I just wish I had the friendly support around me. I don't feel like I can do this alone.
justaman99 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm nowhere near dating a new person... and I want to find new hobbies or a new job on my own time.. I'm not close to my family and I just wish I had the friendly support around me. I don't feel like I can do this alone. I didn't want to burden my friends and family anymore with my thoughts and sadness. I also didn't want to go to some shrink to "talk" about things. One night I found this place and well, it's the best thing that could have happened to me. I have learned SO much here and continue to as well. So stick around because the people here will be the "friendly support" you require. It's completely normal to not feel right dating someone. That means what you felt was real and true. It's been 5 or 6 months now for me and while I have dated I am not ready to take anything serious yet. Of course, that's most likely because someone special hasn't crossed my path yet. There's no hurry. Grab a tea, juice or what have you and spend a few hours reading here. It's a great place and will open your mind and help to heal your heart. -Just
CaliGuy Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Don't listen to your friends. They're trying to cheer you up but they're going about it the wrong way. Grieve the way you need to, but don't let your life STOP in the process. Give your self a set amount of time then force yourself to move on. The only way to move forward is to stop looking backwards.
Angel1111 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I agree with you 100%. You're smart to know your own mind. You do need to grieve and you don't need to be dating other people. That is so dumb that anyone would even suggest that. I've heard the stuff about getting hobbies, too, but when I'm hurting like that, I will think about it and feel it no matter what I'm doing and no matter who's around me. What I have found is that there is no replacement for what time can heal. And it will. You just have to get through it, but things will get better. I'm sorry that you don't have a better support system but you can always come here and vent.
Crazy.S Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 This just all seems so ridiculous to me. I know life and time doesn't stop for anyone... I just don't want to be expected to be over something that meant so much to me and was a huge part of my life for the past few years. What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm nowhere near dating a new person... and I want to find new hobbies or a new job on my own time.. I'm not close to my family and I just wish I had the friendly support around me. I don't feel like I can do this alone. I think we all want to be able to call time-out. But reality sucks, there is no such thing. Your friends are probably trying to help you by telling you to skip the hardest part. But grieving is part of the healing process. Take your time, there is no rush to get into another relationship. Explore and learn more about yourself. I know it's hard, but you need to allow yourself to be independent happy. Some might use rebounds, but that is not healthy and you end up hurting someone else. Flash forward a couple months later, you will be able to move on. I hope the best for you, and don't hesitate to make use of this wonderful community. Same for me it was hard trying to find people to talk to. I didn't want to annoy my family and friends. This forum is the only thing that is keeping me sane.
foxh1234 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 It's barely been a month and a half since the breakup of my 3yr relationship... and I'm already hearing "date a new guy," "find a hobby already," "get over it," etc. UM, ouch? Sorry I can't JUST get over it like that *snaps fingers* Are there no such things as Sex&TheCity-style girlfriends who are willing to be supportive and listen without a condescending voice? Are my guy friends really the ones to ask when all they can tell me is that *he (the ex) is okay because he knows how to distract himself and focus on moving on... They're so nonchalant about it all. It makes me feel like my "situation" isn't worth even thinking about. I don't want it to be the topic I'm dwelling on constantly, but I also know that it takes a WHILE to learn how to not do so... This just all seems so ridiculous to me. I know life and time doesn't stop for anyone... I just don't want to be expected to be over something that meant so much to me and was a huge part of my life for the past few years. What the heck am I supposed to do? I'm nowhere near dating a new person... and I want to find new hobbies or a new job on my own time.. I'm not close to my family and I just wish I had the friendly support around me. I don't feel like I can do this alone. You are not alone. All of us have been where you are, we know what you are feeling. This place and all the people on it have done so much for me and have helped me get through the toughest time in my life so far. We will help you get through it.
Author SundaeMorning Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Wow, thank you, everyone. I've been reading LS for about a week now, but I guess that's why I started posting on this forum.. If my 'friends' aren't being as supportive as I'd like/need them to be right now, I should hope that others, albeit strangers (but more importantly, people who have gone thru or are going thru what I am), could definitely help. Waking up this morning to that same thought, "Holy crap, tell me the past few months have just been a long, vivid dream" made me feel the same yucky, unwanted emotions I've felt every day. But then I logged onto LS and saw that there are people out there who are listening and can relate to me... that helps me breathe a little better. There's been too many moments where I feel like breaking NC or just breaking DOWN, period.. so I look forward to be able to talk it out in this community and eventually (slowly, but surely) let go and move on with my life.
Ronni_W Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 If my 'friends' aren't being as supportive as I'd like/need them to be right now, I found that my friends wanted to help but just didn't know how. It got better when I started to "help them to help me" . Sort of, "I know you're trying to help (cheer me up) and I appreciate it but what I really need right now is __________." Of course, those who don't have excess compassion at best of times never got the hang of it, but most were more than happy for the assistance.
Recommended Posts