2sunny Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 i briefly dated a very nice guy. it became obvious within a few weeks that he had unfinished feelings for his exGF. they had dated and lived together for two years. when we went out he had been broken up for a few months. i recommended that he go back and see if he could make it work for them. they have been back together for a few weeks and seem to be getting along fairly well. he now e-mails me several times every day while he's at work. just general conversation and humor back and forth. it's not inappropriate, just friends conversing. he recently told me that if she knew of our e-mails she would flip out because she's extremely jealous (this is part of what broke them up). i am unfamiliar with this because i have never been the jealous type. i am thinking that i should tell him that i'm not doing this anymore. i want to be a considerate and fair person. is it fair to all concerned to continue the correspondence? what is the benefit/downfall of cutting him off or also to continuing? what is the right thing to do?
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 2sunny, you know the right thing to do. The benefit to cutting him off is to allow him to focus on his current g/f and to ensure that you don't end up becoming an OW.
Author 2sunny Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 he's not married TBF. he's dating her. they probably would not ever get married. he has been leaning on me as a friend and that is where i feel confused... he's so nice and up front that i could potentially classify him as a very dear friend over time. but i wonder if it's even inappropriate to go down the friend path with him at all.
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Do you have any residual feelings for him? Sometimes they can sneak up on you.
Author 2sunny Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Do you have any residual feelings for him? Sometimes they can sneak up on you. not really. we didn't date for very long. i guess not long enough to feel an attachment. why? what are you thinking that i'm not seeing?
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 not really. we didn't date for very long. i guess not long enough to feel an attachment. why? what are you thinking that i'm not seeing? It's not so much that I'm thinking anything. This just reminds me of so many threads where people are threatened by an Ex. The difficulty here is that you might believe this is all innocent but is it innocent for him? People can be quite complex and realistically speaking, quite selfish. Ex = you.
justaman99 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 When you lay in bed at night and all the lights are out, ask yourself what should I do? What is your own answer? What is your gut saying? -Just
Author 2sunny Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 but is it innocent for him? People can be quite complex and realistically speaking, quite selfish. Ex = you. clarify please - how is it not innocent for him? what is complex about this? and why does his EX=ME? this part i really don't get... what do you mean?
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 clarify please - how is it not innocent for him? what is complex about this? and why does his EX=ME? this part i really don't get... what do you mean? Are you 100% certain he doesn't have residual feelings for you? The Ex=you part is to clarify who the ex is.
Author 2sunny Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Are you 100% certain he doesn't have residual feelings for you? The Ex=you part is to clarify who the ex is. dunno. 100%? how can anyone be sure of that? me being the ex - ok - i get it now! hahahaha doesn't seem possible when it didn't last very long... ya, i guess the question would be - why does he even want to keep corresponding when he has her?
Author 2sunny Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 i think i'll tell him tomorrow... got to figure out how to word it...
Author 2sunny Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 i think i'll tell him tomorrow... got to figure out how to word it... still unclear how to word this to him in an e-mail... don't want to make a big deal about it but want it to be clear and concise... any suggestions?
Narf Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 What is your problem with the friendship?? Is it being unfair to the g/f or you are worried it could turn into more feelings from your side?? If she has jealousy issues that isnt your fault and as far as you are concerned the R is just friends... Even the converstations are friendly. Why would you want to end a friendship because the g/f is jealous? I have a lot of guy friends and some have stopped talking to me cause of their jealous g/fs.. i do understand this but it annoys me cause i thought we had a good friendship :/ If your feelings are strictly friendly ones and so are his (He hasnt shown they are anything more then that yet) then i dont know why the conversation has to be had... You arent doing anything wrong...
borelandkaren Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 still unclear how to word this to him in an e-mail... don't want to make a big deal about it but want it to be clear and concise... any suggestions? "Just what is it that you want from me?" would be a start. Be upfront. If you don't ask the questions you won't get the answers.
Recommended Posts