Author D-Lish Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 Well, of course, lots you were right about the self pity. It was a particularly bad night, and bad day yesterday. But I finished up with the move, locked the door behind me, started the long process of unpacking, fell asleep at 10pm....and woke up feeling today is a new day. A little more refreshed, a little more hopeful. I did do some lamenting that evening over msn with someone I know. He's been pretty good at listening, and it helped a lot. I cancelled my gym membership because I have a mini-gym here at my parents house- so that will be useful. I am hoping that now that I have actually left the whole financial situation that was making me miserable that maybe I won't feel the need to escape anymore through other means. I haven't had any urges to grab a beer since I've been back home. Even the movers stayed for a beer before they left, and I didn't join them. Maybe that means something positive, perhaps now that I have left behind what was eating me up inside, the temptation to use won't be as strong. But, with the greatest of appreciation, I wanna let you guys know that your support and advice is always meaningful. And it's okay if someone tells me to shut up and stop pitying myself...because we all need to hear that too sometimes. I was pretty messy when I initially posted- not meaning drunk...as much as just really out of sorts. Now that I am settled into my parents place, it's not so bad. I have a basement apartment that is twice the size of my old place, full run of a massive house and a big backyard for the dogs. And my parents only come back to Canada once every 6-8 weeks...so I should be thankful and use this opportunity... Not complaining! And as far as finding someone I can settle down with- well, as much as I would love to have someone to spend time with and lean on... I want to feel good enough so they can lean on me too.... and I am probably not there yet. If I entered into a relationship right now, I'd probably be needing more support than I am capable of giving. And I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend. I like being able to give. You guys are awesome, I should invite you all over for a house warming party. Then when you got here, I'd say "surprise.... here's a paint brush and I have these heavy cabinets that need moving..." lol.
Jilly Bean Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 You guys are awesome, I should invite you all over for a house warming party. Then when you got here, I'd say "surprise.... here's a paint brush and I have these heavy cabinets that need moving..." lol. Classic...
jerbear Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 And as far as finding someone I can settle down with- well, as much as I would love to have someone to spend time with and lean on... I want to feel good enough so they can lean on me too.... and I am probably not there yet. If I entered into a relationship right now, I'd probably be needing more support than I am capable of giving. And I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend. I like being able to give. You guys are awesome, I should invite you all over for a house warming party. Then when you got here, I'd say "surprise.... here's a paint brush and I have these heavy cabinets that need moving..." lol. Glad to see you feel better. I don't know, if you meet me because of the house warming invite. You might keep me.
Author D-Lish Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 Glad to see you feel better. I don't know, if you meet me because of the house warming invite. You might keep me. Hey, if you can paint and put up light fixtures... I'm keeping ya! lol. Funny story to share. I am pretty handy-capable when it comes to fiduring crap out.... so in the closing offer, I had agreed to take down my girly chandeliers and replace the fixtures with the original industrial lights. I took down my old lights, and put up the original ikea stainless steel ones throughout the apartment- but I couldn't get the ceiling caps to stay up- so instead of securing them with the proper clamps... I crazy glued them to the ceiling.... lol. The electrical is all done correctly- but the ceiling caps are probably there for life now.... shhh... don't tell anyone.
mental_traveller Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Ok, Do it the hard way. If I had a rich guy I'd be throwing fireworks. Screw the hard way. What's that saying - "make no deposit and get no return". The easy way usually in the long run turns out to be not so easy. Marry a rich guy for his money, and you'll probably end up cheated on, or treated like crap, or his business goes bust or whatever. Then where are you? Like those lotto winners who go broke within a few years. Doing it the "hard way" not only results in success and achievement that can last, not only gives you skills and experiences you can rely on your whole life, it's also much more satisfying. You aren't just measured by the guy you're married to, you're a person in your own right, an achiever. IMO D-lish has the right attitude. It sucks to have setbacks, but we all get them from time to time, and life is about how you handle them. Handling good times is easy, anyone can do that. Handling tough times is where you find out your real friends, your real passions, and your real character. As Churchill said, the way to deal with setbacks is to just "keep buggering on".
Ariadne Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Marry a rich guy for his money, and you'll probably end up cheated on, or treated like crap, or his business goes bust or whatever. Then where are you? You can marry anybody and end up being cheated on, treated like crap, and have the guy go unemployed. And if you "have" to work then you have to work. The good thing is not to have to. (Unless that's what you want, to work hard).
Author D-Lish Posted July 26, 2008 Author Posted July 26, 2008 I enjoy working actually- which is what is making this time so difficult. I love the idea of suceeding and endeavouring to be the best at what I do. On the positive side- I did sit down with my friend this afternoon who has his MBA and works in human resources. We went over my resume and he helped me to revise it- made some great suggestions. It's hard to create a resume when the majority of my work experience has been "being my own boss". I was just having trouble "selling" myself. I think once I get settled into a job I enjoy- other things will just naturally fall into place. I do miss that stable companionship that a relationship offers. But I couldn't see myself settling long term for someone less than stellar. I date in the meantime- and that is fine for now. When I feel better about where my life is heading- I'll be in a much better place to meet the right guy.
Lovelybird Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 Good for D-lish, you are insightful and strong, I believe you will get where you want to be. I think mental-traveler said it well, we all have setbacks, as long as we focus on our dreams and goals and hope, these setbacks can become stepping stones
Walk Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I know this isn't quite the same as you're going through, but when I had to shut down my business (open 6 years), it was a real kick in the gut. You invest sooo much time, energy, emotion into it. Its like your baby. Then to lose it and STILL owe tens of thousands to people... Its a horrible feeling. It made me feel incompentent, a loser. Even though I know I busted my butt to make it work, even though I tried everything, even though I worked 90 hour weeks, even though I poured over ever tidbit of info I could get that might pull that business out of its nose dive. I logically know this... but in my gut, it still felt like *I* had failed. That I wasn't good enough, smart enough, strong enough to pull that business back into success. I know this isn't very consoling right now, but for me, the experience I had in owning and running the business has helped differentiate me from other 30 something degree holding applicants and co-workers. Its helped me make better decisions in life, get better jobs, and I'm not afraid of falling flat on my face for something I believe in. It shows employers you have the guts to follow an idea, you have the work ethic to make an idea a reality, and you have the ability to handle intense amounts of stress. Other people can claim "I work well under pressure".. You have the ultimate irrefutable proof that you can handle stress and function at higher levels then others. When you're ready to tackle the world again, exploit this experience to help you get a leg up in the professional world. You've got a lot of experience that is worthy of bragging about. If you spend a little time framing this experience in a positive light, you won't have any difficulties getting a high paying job that will suit you personality. Life's about the experience. Not the end goal. (Spoiler: We all die in the end )
Walk Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 I enjoy working actually- which is what is making this time so difficult. I love the idea of suceeding and endeavouring to be the best at what I do. Just an idea... but what about volunteering a few hours a week to help small business owners? Sometimes the biggest hurdle after going through something like what you're dealing with is the emptiness of doing nothing. Volunteering might give you a feeling of being a needed and wanted presence in someone's life. Its not the same as a strong guy who'll hold you, but til you get to that point, it might allow you to feel as though you're contributing in positive ways to someone who really needs the help.
Recommended Posts