D-Lish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 As some of you know, I bankrupted my business last month. Then I had to sell my loft in order to clear the rest of my personal debt. Tomorrow morning the movers come at 7am... and I am leaving the most incredible and awesome place I have ever owned. After my business failed and I lost my primary income- It just wasn't realistic to stay in my place and pay my bills. I had this great dream- this exciting life planned for myself... and in the morning I move to my parents house because I had to sell my place in order to recover from this mountain of debt I have incurred. It's good, because I got more than my asking price for my loft- but even the proceeds from the sale won't completely negate my debt. I sunk so much personal money into my business- almost $80,000. And because that debt isn't covered under my incorporated bankruptcy- I basically just sold my loft to pay back personal loans. And I'll still owe... Oh god, the beatles just came on my itunes... more tears. It sucks. All my stuff is packed- and tomorrow I head home to my parents. Starting over again. I did this before after my divorce 6 years ago- and now I am doing it again. It's okay- because my parents don't live in the house I am moving to- they are living in Washington DC right now... so we are essentially looking at this as a house sitting situation while they live out of country. It doesn't matter though- it's not my own place... not something I have worked for that I can call my own. It's crazy how much I have isolated people from my life this past 6 months. No one knows how sad I am... I just don't tell anyone. I moved all the small portable stuff myself this past week all by myself- didn't even ask anyone to help me. I just can't ask for help ever. Isn't that messed up? That I can't even tell my friends how sad I am? I live in this very social world- with lots of friends and acquaintences- people I hang with all the time, and I can't even talk to them about how I feel. I'm ALWAYS "happy, fun Dee".... I come here to vent. I come here to talk about problems and issues and relationship issues. I guess, the moving date tomorrow is just the end of this whole fiasco- business fails, money runs out... move home with mom and dad. It would be so nice to go through this with someone. To have someone to listen to me for a change. I just always feel so guilty for asking for some Dee time to talk. This whole situation has made me realize how seriously lonley I am. I am the only single person in my friend group.... I have no problem meeting guys- just a huge problem falling in love. Tonight- it would just be really nice to curl up with someone that cares about me and to tell me everything will be okay. It's been so long since I remember that happening- years actually. Just venting. I'm very sad to leave my place. I worked so hard to get it, and the prospect of starting over again in my 30's really does suck ass. It's worse to be doing it alone.
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 ((hugs)) D. It can only get better sweetheart. Truly.
johan Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Things will work out, D. Just be patient and let the bad stuff pass. You are so fortunate to have a safety net. I think that's the bright side.
Art_Critic Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Ahhh D-lish.. You have all of us... I know that isn't much in reality but just know that you will put it all back together and get your life back.. new friends/neighbors/BF's and all... If I was only single I'd loan out Mr Wiggles for your enjoyment on the lonely nights.. Maybe Johan could be just the thing that can pull you back up
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 ((((((D))))))) You'll get through this. We all know you will. xoxo
the2gman Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Sorry to hear about how you are feeling right now. With my wife gone right now, I know how lonely it can be. As someone said before, you are very fortunate to have your parents home to go to. There are many people here in Calif living in their cars, families even. You will bounce back. It seems like you make friends easy. Think of it as a new start. Remember how exicted you were when you started your business? Well, this is a new start. Think of all the possibilities. Of all the new people you get to meet. Be strong girl! And come here to vent, trust me it does help! Take care of yourself!
Author D-Lish Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Sorry to hear about how you are feeling right now. With my wife gone right now, I know how lonely it can be. As someone said before, you are very fortunate to have your parents home to go to. There are many people here in Calif living in their cars, families even. You will bounce back. It seems like you make friends easy. Think of it as a new start. Remember how exicted you were when you started your business? Well, this is a new start. Think of all the possibilities. Of all the new people you get to meet. Be strong girl! And come here to vent, trust me it does help! Take care of yourself! I know guys. Bouncing back isn't new for me. But I am a bouncing elastic....so I go back and forth. Just feeling so low tonight- and well, low for the past 6 months, has made me realize- I want someone in my life. I admit it- I am lonley. I am tired of dating just because. It's going to go back to mommy and daddy issues as always...lol. My parents are always too busy. They have this jet-setting lifesyle, they'll hand out the cash when needed... I have this big empty house to go back to with a housekeeper and a gardener... But I don't have them. And I would rather have them... I've never had "them". It's stupid guys... I have two degrees, two diplomas... and more than 17 years of business behind me... I'm friendly, personable and intelligent- make friends easily, I have potential, and no idea how to channel it. I'm just at a loss. Having a hard time tonight. And drinking. Not helping.
carhill Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Dee, I don't know you, but maybe I do... What the dark days have taught me... We're fortunate to be alive. True success requires failure. No one is ever alone as long as one believes in one's self and has the capacity for love. Each day is a precious gift, even those days when one doesn't feel like getting out of bed. Dee, my one wish for you is that you would trust a close friend to be your confidant. People will love you and support you if you let them. Most of us who've reached a sufficient age have felt similar pain and do empathize. I've given this gift to numerous people in my long life and find it to be one of my most fulfilling missions in life. You have someone in your life right now who will be there for you. Look around. LS is a great place to vent, but, as you so eloquently put it, you desire so much to "curl up with someone that cares about me and to tell me everything will be okay." I hope you find that
Ariadne Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Yeah, It does suck ass. Sorry D-Lish. But at least you won't have any more problems and will be free and not have to pay rent and get in debts. That was the point. It'll be ok. Hugs. (You are beautiful, you can still find a rich husband full time now)
johan Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 (You are beautiful, you can still find a rich husband full time now) Pure cynicism always makes me feel better about the world.
the2gman Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Alcohol can seem to be your best friend at times, I know it's mine right now. But don't let it get the best of you. You're so capable of doing lots with your life. This is only a temporary setback. Better things and days lay ahead!
underpants Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Awe D, You have had a tough time of it lately. I know you are a survivor and that you will rise above this challenge as you have done so in the past. Perhaps to even greater heights. Life is all about starting over and exploring new peaks. It keeps it interesting. Yet, there are those pesky valleys. Can you imagine how much more difficult this would be without the previous experiences you have attained? I don't think life is all about how to deal with disappointment and loss. Yet, those experiences do sage us to be able to better handle it if it comes as well as to be genuinely thankful when the good comes our way. A reality is that change is constant and fluid. Some good, some bad and others disguised and the opposite until time shows us differently. Perhaps this seemingly unfortunate bump will be a stepping stone to even better things? It's possible. I am glad you have family support in a difficult time. You are fortunate, even in a not so fortunate time. Wishing you a super inspiration for the next installment of D-lish greatness. Hugs.
Ariadne Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Pure cynicism always makes me feel better about the world. Oh no, I'm dead serious. She doesn't have to be stuck in that business all day now. With her looks she can find a rich guy and get a house in no time. Think positive. And of course, love him too, rich guys can also be very lovable.
Author D-Lish Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Yeah, It does suck ass. Sorry D-Lish. But at least you won't have any more problems and will be free and not have to pay rent and get in debts. That was the point. It'll be ok. Hugs. (You are beautiful, you can still find a rich husband full time now) I just want more than than that- you know? I want to forge my own path in life... I want to make my own money, and be my own prize. I want to find my way.... and then let someone worthwhile into that zone. I want that for you too A. I divorced my husband almost 6 years ago because we messed up and he got another woman pregnant... I just wanted to be over that- I just wanted to rise above it... and make a life for myself that was independant and exciting. I just want something better. I just want to find ME. I don't want to go back to my parents. Taking steps backwards suck ass.
underpants Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Taking steps backwards suck ass. Yes it does. That line made me think that life is one long 'Mother May I' game. D-lish, take one giant step foward. ...hopefully the steps backwards are only baby ones.
Ariadne Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I just want more than than that- you know? I want to forge my own path in life... I want to make my own money, and be my own prize. I want to find my way.... and then let someone worthwhile into that zone. I want that for you too A. Ok, Do it the hard way. If I had a rich guy I'd be throwing fireworks. Screw the hard way. But then I'm even worse than you are, living in a one bd apt Good luck though. Today things seem grim but it'll change.
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Oh, D. I am SO sorry to hear it all laid out. I know bits and pieces of this from your postings. BIG HUGS Maybe it's good to look at it like ALL the bad is behind you, and now it is time to recreate things. As a good witch, this reminds me of throwing the death card. People freak when they see it. But all it means is the removal of something in your life, in order for something new to be brought in. Permanent change for the greater good. That's what's happening now, hon. Better days ahead...
Nevermind Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I am sorry you're feeling so down D-Lish. Days will get better, I promise. One thing that I caught from your post...you don't ask for help, or share bad feelings. You're fun D.. A friendship is made of both good and bad days. Helping a friend is a good feeling, it strengthens the bond. I think that you should not worry about not being "fun D" anymore, if you ask for help. That won't change their opinion of you. I am sure they would like to help you, and this would not make you weak, or dependent. Would you think badly about a friend who needed your help? No. So they would not think badly about you either. Maybe you should open up to them a little more. Show them your sad side, as well. Let them help you. ((hugs))
Lovelybird Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 D-lish sorry you feel down, I understand how loneliness felt. I like a poster's parable: life is like a puzzle board, all pieces form a beautiful picture. imagine we are standing on one piece of puzzle, pale and even dark, but after forming a picture, it becomes beautiful and actually you are not alone
jerbear Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Hey Dee-licious, I think it was the pig-tails but anyway. I think you need to stop on the alcohol which can get you deeper into depression. How is the gym coming along? Those endorphins can help you get out of your funk. Unlike AC's offer, I am single and can back it up.
whichwayisup Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Sorry you've had a bad day.. Little suggestion (I learned this finally too), ask for help. Your friends are your friends and yes, I understand why you haven't reached out to them, but your friends need to feel needed. Let your closest friends know what is going on..It'll be easier on you.
carrot10 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Hi, I am in the same situation. I am learning to lean on friends and family but it's hard to ask for help. I am realizing that all things happen for a reason-some good, some bad. Good luck with everything!
Nevermind Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 What's with the attitude? Seriously, have you anything to say?
Chinook Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 D, you're going back to your parents. It's not a step back... it's a step sideways. There are always two (if we're lucky) constants in our lives until they die, parents and children. I know you have one because they're helping you out. Let them help you, that's their job... as grown as you are. See...? You don't find it hard to ask for help from the RIGHT people. It will happen with a bloke sooner or later, you just need to ensure you keep doing what you're doing and make the correct decisions. A little self-pity isn't a bad thing for a little while, but don't wallow so long or you may miss the opportunity to meet your dream, your prize.
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