HiItsMe Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 .....I am!" Figured I'd finish sentence. I sent out my email to this lady, and suprisingly it provoked a response.....for one even GETTING a response when it comes to online dating is indeed an achievement. Here was her response: I can appreciate a man who more than agrees with me about dating games, don't they suck? I also value honesty within, so therefore I must be honest & try not to sound so shallow, though I appreciate your interest, I do not return the interest. Thanks- The first sentence was in regards to what she had written in her profile. Which was talking about how a if a guy says he is going to call, he better call. If you're interested in a gal...let her KNOW and set up a date...etc, etc.In fact, that's what is what attracted me to her profile, and set me up for a good icebreaker. Then she comes back with "I don't mean to sound SHALLOW...but...I can't return the interest." On the GOOD side...I guess she appreciated the email, and I must've done something right....right Art Critic? LOL On the not so good, she just wasn't, well bottom line.... physically attracted. Keep in mind these are the RARE cases when women do respond to my emails. I heard that some women don't both responding with a 'sorry not interested' email mainly because they'd start getting arguements from guys stating, "Why not? I think we make a good match!"
Author HiItsMe Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 What did you write her first? Doesn't matter.
kizik Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Of course it matters. Maybe you get sh*t responses because you are a BRAT!
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Are you angry, mad, making a point...? I don't really understand what advice you're looking for?
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Doesn't matter. Yeah, it really does, Hi. If you're just here to bitch, then say so. Otherwise we will try to constructively correct your actions. So, if you wrote her something absurd or retarded, then you get what you get with that. BUT, if you wrote something wonderful, then we can tear her apart.
Tomcat33 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 HiIt'sMe the thing about internet dating is that you will get rejected a LOT more than you would in real life, why? This happens because you are not face to face and you cannot read body language, people go on pictures and written blurbs and that's all so it doesn't matter what you see as potential in a woman's profile it doesn't necessarily mean the feeling will be reciprocated just because you see potential. In person you can sense if a person is in to you just in the way they make eye contact with you or their general body language so you know if they can be approached or not so it is a warm call. For instance a woman that makes eye contact with you and smiles back if you smile is an open invitation to flirt or approach. But online there is none of that, so you might as well look at what you are doing online as literally going up to a woman who has her back to you on the street, tapping her on the shoulder and going" hey wanna sit and get to know each other"? It's almost the same thing in terms of it being a cold approach. So if you can keep in mind that you have absolutely nothing to go on when you approach a woman online, I mean it is as cold a call as you will make then the rejection won't feel as harsh. You know something, half the women that reject you are probably not even all that if you were to actually meet them and get to know them. Just keep at it, it's a numbers game. Don't waste any time or emotions when you are rejected just keep plugging away and realise it is not about you but about THEM, and what I mean by that is that just because you don't make the cut of what they find appealing it doesn't mean anything about you personally it just means they like what they like. "Glass half full" kind of attitude is what you need to adopt if you are going to do internet dating. It's a crap shoot.
woods321 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I don't online date anymore, but i can say this.. Most of the time being critical of a womans profile, ALWAYS gets a response. Most of the time after that, she would be interested in me and want to get together. When you write the " You are pretty, lets chat" you get far fewer responses. Maybe the former at least denotes that you read her profile.
Star Gazer Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Maybe the former at least denotes that you read her profile. This is important. My profile says right there, in plain English, that I'm an attorney. It also says I love to travel, particularly to Italy. Do you have any idea how many dudes ask me in their very first email what I do for a living, and whether I like to travel, and if so, where to?
D-Lish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Well, I for one think it's nice she responded, even if it was a thanks but no thanks. I rarely do that, I just delete the message if I am not interested. It's mostly because I don't have all day to sit at my computer writing notes back to people. If I am getting 30-40 messages a day, it's just not possible to write everyone back. That's the way online dating works I suppose. Don't get discouraged, the more messages you send out, the better your chance of getting an interested response. Odds come into play with the online dating scene.
Art_Critic Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 You didn't do or say anything wrong.. she just wasn't interested.. Just suck it up.. I know it is a blow to the ego but at least she was honest and relied so you weren't hanging. Time to ramp up the numbers.. keep emailing the women and you will get them to respond to you.. Keep doing what you are doing.. using something from their profile lets them know you really read their profile.. Dating is more a numbers game than anything else.. you can't get to someone you connect with until you weed thru the ones you don't
Lizzie60 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 She wasn't interested.. simple.. I do not respond (usually) to guys I'm not interested in.. I just delete the message or whatever.. I don't have time for that.. if I'm not attracted physically.. I don't even bother to read his profile.. what's the point? Am I shallow? Yes Do I care? Not at all
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 You didn't do or say anything wrong.. she just wasn't interested. Well, we don't know that, as he won't share the email... I had a guy write me tonight. Graduate degree. Wrote about music and a particular place in town that's popular for bands. Asked me who I've SCENE there. Delete. Another guy wrote me this morning. Mentioned the traveling I had done as noted in my profile. Asked if any trip provided any event that was life changing or altering. EXCELLENT question, and earned him a response.
miss_28 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I agree with AC... you need to develop a tougher skin with this online dating thing... you can't let it make you bitter... btw, this woman not being physically attracted to you does not make her shallow, she just was being honest and to the point. Would you prefer her not answering or lying? It seems that these women can't win unless they go out without you... Here is another question, have you ever turned someone down because you weren't attracted to them? How did you do it? Would you date someone you never met & that you weren't attracted to just to prove that you're "not shallow"?... I know for myself, looks is not the main thing when I meet someone face to face (it is the first thing when its the only thing i know about them). I've dated what some people may consider unattractive guys to underwear models... for me, it always had to do with the attitude and personality of the guy i was involved with before the looks counted. Anyways, if you end up liking a guy who isn't that attractive, he becomes good looking to you over time.
D-Lish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Well, we don't know that, as he won't share the email... I had a guy write me tonight. Graduate degree. Wrote about music and a particular place in town that's popular for bands. Asked me who I've SCENE there. Delete. Another guy wrote me this morning. Mentioned the traveling I had done as noted in my profile. Asked if any trip provided any event that was life changing or altering. EXCELLENT question, and earned him a response. I get you.... It's the difference for me SOMETIMES (lol)... If someone says.... Your hot. Or, they say You're hot. And I am serious about that.
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I get you.... It's the difference for me SOMETIMES (lol)... If someone says.... Your hot. Or, they say You're hot. And I am serious about that. Yeah, the SCENE guy was pretty cute. But man, I know I am prone to a wild typo here and there when posting on LS, but if a guy can't even bother to proof an OLD profile - what does that say about him? HUGE turn-off. And Johan - YOUR hot.
Art_Critic Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Well, we don't know that, as he won't share the email... It's just an assumption.. I just figured he took the advice from all of us on the other thread and put it to use.. If he did then chances are the email was nothing to be embarrassed about ..
johan Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Yeah, the SCENE guy was pretty cute. But man, I know I am prone to a wild typo here and there when posting on LS, but if a guy can't even bother to proof an OLD profile - what does that say about him? HUGE turn-off. And Johan - YOUR hot. Were hot, Jilly. Both of us. Actually I AM hot. As hell. It's 80 degrees out, and my place isn't cooling off at all. I no, I no... I'm off-topic. Sorry!
Tomcat33 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Yeah the "you're so hot" emails get deleted right away. The best was this guy emails me once and he goes "WOW you look so hot in all your pics do you have more?" then I look at his profile and his whole profile is four sentences that talked about how a profle should have pictures and the more pictures the better and then he went to talk about his own pictures!?!? SUPER shallow!! He emails again asking why I never wrote him back!?!? DUHHH! AND he wasn't even good looking. What a neanderthal. Someone said earlier that if you say something critical about the profile it will get a response, and I totally agree with that! I mean not something mean but some kind of banter pointing out something that was said in the profile is always a great way to get my attention. Or some off the wall funny remark is always a great way to get a woman's attention. The one really witty email I got was "The odds state that in the next 8 minutes you will be emailed by 10 guys telling you how beautiful you are, I just wanted to be part of the stats" :laugh: Didn't think there was a match but I had to respond to that it was pretty original.
Angel1111 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 It may have had nothing to do with what he wrote to her, but it may have been his photo or his screen name. I will fly by guys with names like HotLover, or Great Kisser, or some other high school-type crap that eludes to sex, their looks, money, perfect body, whatever. I will zoom by equally fast if the photo shows them bare-chested with a tatoo, or some pose that eludes to sex. There are so many like that that it blows my mind. I am amazed that men think women are impressed by this. Look, guys, all women know that men like sex. You really do not need to broadcast the obvious. What we'd really like to know is if you are on the dating site just to score chicks or if you're actually someone looking for someone that you can relate to. Surprise us by acting like a mature man who no longer feels he has to prove that he has a penis and that he knows how to use it. We really don't wonder about that stuff. A guy on a dating site emailed me once, we chatted shortly and then the next day, he started his email with, "Hi, I missed you." He missed me after one conversation. Right. Don't say things like this, even if you mean it. One guy actually got mad at me because I didn't want to get on instant messaging. What a charmer. I also pass on guys with really long lists of likes and dislikes because he sounds like an uptight, pain in the ass (can I say 'pain in the ass' on this forum?) I do like it when a guy compliments me - saying I'm pretty, or have pretty eyes - but I don't want to get the impression that that is all he cares about. When I was on dating sites, they totally wore me out. But I've been away for awhile....probaby time to start back up again!
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 There are so many like that that it blows my mind. I am amazed that men think women are impressed by this. Exactly! When will they catch on that all we want to see is a co*k pic and a huge wad of cash?
Linux Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Seriously, online dating sites (for men) are pure BS and I am still not sure why people are even bothering with it, its a complete waste of time (for men). Women on dating sites have even more bitch shields up than they do at the clubs, are about 10x more superficial than in real life, and it is impossible to game women with body language (VERY important in attracting women) using emails. Women will tell you looks don't matter, and it actually is true in person. But online, how are you going to present yourself as having an attractive and confident attitude if a woman looks at your pic and and closes your profile without reading a word of it? You can't. Anyway online dating is BS, don't waste your time. I WOULD say if you must use the internet to pick up women just use craigslist, but as of late that site is 100% spam (at least in my area) although just this past Sunday I randomly picked up a pretty hot chick from there, but that was pretty random.
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