ConcernedWife67 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I'd like to get everyone's opinion on this so I can know if I'm right or overreacting. My husband has never been on the Internet until just a few weeks ago. He just wasn't into it until he realized all the info he could find and how easy it was. My husband has lied to me about many things in the past but I never would suspect him of cheating, although I have always thought of him as a flirt and wondered if he did that when I wasn't around. He always told me know and that he would never and could never cheat. He says he has never cheated on anyone. The lies told in the past were bad but we got through them and he seems to be telling me the truth now, although there are things I question sometimes but have no proof it's a lie. I checked his history on the Internet and found out he had been looking at women in the area looking for casual encounters on craigslist. I also found adultfriendfinder and fling.com in the history but most of the visits were to craiglist and they were women in our area. Last week, he looked Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Before that the history doesn't show daily days, but lumps it into weeks. He looked last week and the week before. The only day he didn't look this week was the day of my father's funeral. I was very angry with him. I don't care if he looks at porn. I like porn and I found plenty of it on there, but it's ok. What hurts me so much is that he was looking at real women in our area who wanted casual sex and he kept looking almost daily. His response was that he was just looking because he was curious and he wanted to see if there was anyone he knew. I asked why he looked more than once or twice if it was only curiousity and he said that there were new ones every day. He said he would never contact anyone, did not, (I know he didn't by email because he has no email set up on this laptop) and would never cheat on me. He was just curious. To me that is more than curiousity, especially since he was doing in daily and it also hurts that he was interested in this while my father had died and my life was a mess. I personally don't think he cheated, but the fact that he would even look at real accessible women scares me and makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. He says he's sorry and won't do it again and didn't mean to hurt me. Again he was just curious. He gave me the laptop. He did admit the pictures turned him on. He also said that he only looked at the ones that had photos but there were several clicked on that didn't have photos. Am I overreacting. I'm a beautiful intelligent woman and I love my husband. He's not lacking in a wife. Why would my husband be doing this? He says it's because he never saw this stuff on the net and always heard of it, so once he found it he kept looking, like looking at an accident on the road. I have looked at all that stuff in the past because I've been on the iternet a long time, but I wouldn't even think about looking for men on craiglist who were looking for sex. I'm not curious. He can look at all the porn he wants, but this became real to me. Many women also post their phone numbers. So I ask, amd I wrong to be upset and hurt by this? Should I question my husband's loyalty to me? Should I be concerned?
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 If he is just looking at it that's one thing - But I honestly do not understand WHY someone would browse a dating site for the heck of it, unless you were there with him and sharing a laugh about it, or if one of his buddy's was over and they were just having some fun with it. Time will tell. I am sorry for your loss.. His timing sucks, but him looking during those times wasn't a shot at you or supposed to be inconsiderate. Could be he was just killing time and didn't think about anything at all while surfing. Anyway, time will tell if he's up to something or not. He knows you know he's looking at it - So I doubt very much he's that stupid to go off and meet someone.
woods321 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Maybe you should post a fake ad and see if he contacts you.. Make it really believable,then you would know. I find it odd he is looking SO much. I think he is lying for sure when he is cruising "Casual encounters" just to see if there is someone he might know. And right after your father died, well that is just wrong. It could be A...He is really curious. B. Most men DO get tired of sleeping with the same woman forever, so he is looking for the right opportunity.
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Thanks and no I don't think he will do anything. He even gave me the laptop, but curiousity only happens once or twice. This went on for two weeks, almost every day. Was he secretly turned on by the fact there are women out there looking for casual sex? Was he getting turned on thinking about doing it even though he never would? He was there on purpose. He would google craigslist in our state. If I ever did this to him he would hate me, especially because his ex did it to him. I will look at anything with my husband. If he had told me I would have searched the site with him. This was done in secret and that's what scares me. Look at every porn site on the net, but why look for real women? Maybe I am overreacting. I dunno, but I thought we were 100% loyal to each other. If he is just looking at it that's one thing - But I honestly do not understand WHY someone would browse a dating site for the heck of it, unless you were there with him and sharing a laugh about it, or if one of his buddy's was over and they were just having some fun with it. Time will tell. I am sorry for your loss.. His timing sucks, but him looking during those times wasn't a shot at you or supposed to be inconsiderate. Could be he was just killing time and didn't think about anything at all while surfing. Anyway, time will tell if he's up to something or not. He knows you know he's looking at it - So I doubt very much he's that stupid to go off and meet someone.
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Maybe you should post a fake ad and see if he contacts you.. Make it really believable,then you would know. I find it odd he is looking SO much. I think he is lying for sure when he is cruising "Casual encounters" just to see if there is someone he might know. And right after your father died, well that is just wrong. It could be A...He is really curious. B. Most men DO get tired of sleeping with the same woman forever, so he is looking for the right opportunity. haha, that won't work because he knows I'm too smart and I would do something like that. I asked him if he as looking for someone he knew than why didn't he also look at the women seeking men section or the men seeking women section. he said what fun would it be do find someone he knew who was only looking to date. He said he was looking to see if anyone he knew was looking to sleep around. I also think he was looking way too much. he said it was only 15 minutes a nit tops and I believe him because there are only so many posts you can hit on there, but it was every night damnit. I'm soooooooooooooo not a prude. I'll watch every sick kind of porn out there. I'm thinking that the thought was in his head to cheat, but don't think he would do it, more like the thought was turning him on? Still it scares me that some day the right opportunity could strike.
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 If he got cheated upon by an ex, chances are he isn't going to do that to you. You could just come right out and tell him that if he is thinking of cheating, he can walk away now because you won't put up with that from him.
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 If he got cheated upon by an ex, chances are he isn't going to do that to you. You could just come right out and tell him that if he is thinking of cheating, he can walk away now because you won't put up with that from him. I did. He said he could never do that to me. So am I supposed to chalk this up to his d*ck thinking before his heart? I'm trying, but I still don't buy the curiousity excuse.
woods321 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 It could be a turn on for him to view actual woman who just want sex in his area. This would not be such a turn on to view with you sitting next to him. However, I would be very upset if my girlfriend was spending her time looking for guys who just want sex in the area.(obviously) I am not saying he will cheat, but if an ex cheated on him that means absolutely ZERO in determining if HE will cheat.
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Very thankful for the replies so far. I need more responses. I plan on showing this to my husband later after I get the gernal consensus of LS. Also, I am posting under an alias but was a regular here once upon a time. Too embarrassed to post as myself. My world is supposed to be perfect
tb14 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 This is a tough one. You want to put a quick end to it. I have found that alot of people become addicted to those sites and will not stop, no matter what. The female I speak of in my CraigsList posting had that problem and I have known a handful of others.
Ronni_W Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I'm trying, but I still don't buy the curiousity excuse. It IS possible that he just got caught up in this whole new "internet experience" of his, and finding out how the "other half" lives and such. Perhaps a bit of living vicariously through them, but I do that with ballet dancers and Formula 1 auto drivers . I do remember getting caught up in just about EVERYthing, when I first got on the 'Net. Everything was just ssoooo freakin' new and fascinating for about three months. I couldn't get enough...even of what really was crap and not at all my interest. I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. Perhaps this is how your husband decided to cope with all of it. Not that it was necessarily a smart or effective coping strategy, but maybe it was just a convenient and safe outlet for him.
woods321 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Something doesn't make sense.... I used the internet for years (while being a single male)before I even knew about casual encounters on craigslist, adultfriendfinder, fling etc. So he never really knew anything about the net before, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN he knows just about all the hook up sites, with women seeking men for sex? All within a few weeks? Are you being a bit naive, or intentionally overlooking something?
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Something doesn't make sense.... I used the internet for years (while being a single male)before I even knew about casual encounters on craigslist, adultfriendfinder, fling etc. So he never really knew anything about the net before, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN he knows just about all the hook up sites, with women seeking men for sex? All within a few weeks? Are you being a bit naive, or intentionally overlooking something? No, he really didn't know how to use it. Adultfriendfinder and fling he found while searching for porn. I think he came across pop ups, and couldn't sign up because I would see it in his email, so he only looked at the main page on those sites. He never accesses his email and I look at it every day to give him leads for his work. He wouldn't know how to set up another email account and there was no history of any other free email sites. I had once told him about adultfriendfinder and a guy who used to work with him told him how he hooked up with people on craigslist. I told him it was true that that stuff was on there. I had posted ads for his business on there so he knew about craigslist, but had never been there. I'm a good detective. I don't think I'm overlooking anything.
woods321 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Just curious.. Why would you want your husband to look at porn on the net, encourage it, or be ambivalent about it? That seems to be a big problem these days in many relationships. Anyway, if you don't by the "curiosity" excuse, which I don't either, what do you think it is?
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I think you're being too naive here. He's not looking AT women online, he's looking FOR women online. His excuse that he is looking to see if anyone he knows is on there is ridiculous. More crazy that you believe it! If he hasn't cheated already, he's testing the waters and getting ready to do it. What you are witnessing is step one. He has exhibited the desire, the intent, and all that's left is the action. Sorry...
woods321 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Jilly, I laughed when reading your response, and you put that well.. He must be a really smooth guy, because I don't know if I could pull that off. "Oh, well I am just looking at the women in my area that are seeking just sex everyday to see if I might know someone" Out of the millions of things the internet has to offer this newbie, he checks out women in his area looking for sex. And you really don't think following through is on his mind at all?
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Just curious.. Why would you want your husband to look at porn on the net, encourage it, or be ambivalent about it? That seems to be a big problem these days in many relationships. Anyway, if you don't by the "curiosity" excuse, which I don't either, what do you think it is? I like porn also and we enjoy it in our sex life. I wouldn't say I encourage it, but I don't care about it. I find it harmless, but I don't find adult dating sites harmless. I think he was turned on by the idea of looking at actual real women. That's what think.
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 I think you're being too naive here. He's not looking AT women online, he's looking FOR women online. His excuse that he is looking to see if anyone he knows is on there is ridiculous. More crazy that you believe it! If he hasn't cheated already, he's testing the waters and getting ready to do it. What you are witnessing is step one. He has exhibited the desire, the intent, and all that's left is the action. Sorry... I agree with you which is why I am upset. I never said I believed his excuse that he was looking for people he knows. I don't believe that for a second. I was only presenting both sides so I could get opinions as to whether or not I was wrong for being hurt.
Author ConcernedWife67 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Jilly, I laughed when reading your response, and you put that well.. He must be a really smooth guy, because I don't know if I could pull that off. "Oh, well I am just looking at the women in my area that are seeking just sex everyday to see if I might know someone" Out of the millions of things the internet has to offer this newbie, he checks out women in his area looking for sex. And you really don't think following through is on his mind at all? Yup, I do think it was on his mind which is why I posted here, but I don't think he will cheat (and I may be an idiot for thinking that if proven wrong some day). I think he was fantasizing about it which makes me want to rip his throat out, but it's sort of like the way I would fantasize about a threesome but never do it. Does this make me think that someday he could cheat? Yep, sure does. I have many questions marks floating around my head.
Lizzie60 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Methink he was curious about it.. trying to see if some hot neighbours were looking to get laid.. then he could offer them his 'services'... It's hard to say.. but I think he is definitely 'thinking' about it.. if he hasn't already done anything about it... It's definitely 'eating' him up a little bit.. The Internet makes the whole 'dating scene' and 'f*cking scene' soooo available and easy in the comfort of your own home.. Watch him!
Lookingforward Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I don't know - I've looked at the local "married but looking" sections just out of curiosity
hot123 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I'd like to get everyone's opinion on this so I can know if I'm right or overreacting. My husband has never been on the Internet until just a few weeks ago. He just wasn't into it until he realized all the info he could find and how easy it was. My husband has lied to me about many things in the past but I never would suspect him of cheating, although I have always thought of him as a flirt and wondered if he did that when I wasn't around. He always told me know and that he would never and could never cheat. He says he has never cheated on anyone. The lies told in the past were bad but we got through them and he seems to be telling me the truth now, although there are things I question sometimes but have no proof it's a lie. I checked his history on the Internet and found out he had been looking at women in the area looking for casual encounters on craigslist. I also found adultfriendfinder and fling.com in the history but most of the visits were to craiglist and they were women in our area. Last week, he looked Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Before that the history doesn't show daily days, but lumps it into weeks. He looked last week and the week before. The only day he didn't look this week was the day of my father's funeral. I was very angry with him. I don't care if he looks at porn. I like porn and I found plenty of it on there, but it's ok. What hurts me so much is that he was looking at real women in our area who wanted casual sex and he kept looking almost daily. His response was that he was just looking because he was curious and he wanted to see if there was anyone he knew. I asked why he looked more than once or twice if it was only curiousity and he said that there were new ones every day. He said he would never contact anyone, did not, (I know he didn't by email because he has no email set up on this laptop) and would never cheat on me. He was just curious. To me that is more than curiousity, especially since he was doing in daily and it also hurts that he was interested in this while my father had died and my life was a mess. I personally don't think he cheated, but the fact that he would even look at real accessible women scares me and makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. He says he's sorry and won't do it again and didn't mean to hurt me. Again he was just curious. He gave me the laptop. He did admit the pictures turned him on. He also said that he only looked at the ones that had photos but there were several clicked on that didn't have photos. Am I overreacting. I'm a beautiful intelligent woman and I love my husband. He's not lacking in a wife. Why would my husband be doing this? He says it's because he never saw this stuff on the net and always heard of it, so once he found it he kept looking, like looking at an accident on the road. I have looked at all that stuff in the past because I've been on the iternet a long time, but I wouldn't even think about looking for men on craiglist who were looking for sex. I'm not curious. He can look at all the porn he wants, but this became real to me. Many women also post their phone numbers. So I ask, amd I wrong to be upset and hurt by this? Should I question my husband's loyalty to me? Should I be concerned?This is exactly my story...same excuse and everything...
woods321 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 If you want complete honesty... Men from ALL walks of life get tired of sleeping with the same woman. If a man has little opportunity, he does not think about it AS much. However, when you can turn a computer on and see hundreds of women that JUST WANT SEX, it is very tempting. If he is looking daily, TRUST ME, he is definitely thinking about it. What do you expect him to say, the truth? "Oh, i was just thinking I would like to experiment with different women so i was looking to see who was in the area"
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I don't think you're wrong for being hurt, and I don't think you should ignore this either. I FAR prefer real, amateur porn over the fake Vivid-type videos. But, that doesn't mean I am scouring local ads for pics of dick, you know? It means I do a selective search on pornhub to get my groove on. People that are looking for reality-based porn aren't searching the swinger sites or CL for locals. If hubby was looking at porn sites at real people, I'd tell you not to worry. But this is entirely different... Maybe suggest to him that if he is looking for REAL people, then he try some amateur websites. If that satisfies his needs, then you're in the clear. If he's still on CL or AFF, then he's trolling. Horrible for you!!!
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