kizik Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I will accept that this breakup has hurt me deeply and that I never thought it would happen to us. I lost not only a girlfriend, but a friend of 12 years who I could count on to listen and care, no matter what was happening in both of our lives. I will not pretend she didn't matter to me, and I will not reject all thoughts of her. I will allow thoughts of her into my head, based upon what feels right at the time. I will trust my gut as far as when, and for how long, to think of her. I will not contact her, as she doesn't deserve the ego boost that comes with that. I will forgive myself for allowing myself to be humiliated, insulted, disrespected, and generally emotionally abused. This is the reason I allowed it to happen: I loved her, and would have done anything to stay with her, including allowing myself to be hurt. I will be patient. I'm not going to meet someone today or tomorrow, next week or next month. I am going to meet someone in a year or two probably, maybe longer. And when I do, it will be when I have become fully accustomed to being single, and am happy being single. I will not chastise myself every time my heart jumps when I get a text, phone call or email. I will not be ashamed about subconsciously hoping that it's her. After all, most times I got a phone call or text over the last three years... it was her. Why should I be so surprised to still have a physical reaction, when her contact became a drug from which I am currently withdrawing? I will not allow the removal of this person to change the love I have for myself. I have felt like nothing, but I have not changed. SHE changed, at least in the way she treated me. Somehow, she turned me into her enemy instead of her best friend, and I will not blame myself for the change in how she saw me. I will try to stop feeling this guilt. The guilt that says, "You should be over her, dude! You pussy! It's been 2 months!" No. Six months minimum to get over something like this. (That's what I have heard.) I will STOP beating myself up by pretending that I meant nothing to her. Pretending her life is perfect now that she's gotten rid of me. She's human too, and she grieves. She grieves for ME because I was important. Finally, I will be patient. Right now each hour is like a day, each day a week. Each week feels like a month. I'm not over her, I'm not going to be over her for a while. In the meantime, I will find something in each day to look forward to. I will appreciate the sun and the breeze and this summer. I will love myself.
CailinPig Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 its only been 2 months since you two broke up? wow kizik, don't worry about how you feel right now. It takes a lot longer than that. You're still in the depths of it right now, babe. it gets better i guess. we all have horrible setbacks and stuff. but you shouldn't be chastising yourself at all! My God, kizik, it's been such a short time for you. Just ride out the storm, babe. Do what u wanna do.
northstar1 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I will accept that this breakup has hurt me deeply and that I never thought it would happen to us. I lost not only a girlfriend, but a friend of 12 years who I could count on to listen and care, no matter what was happening in both of our lives. I will not pretend she didn't matter to me, and I will not reject all thoughts of her. I will allow thoughts of her into my head, based upon what feels right at the time. I will trust my gut as far as when, and for how long, to think of her. I will not contact her, as she doesn't deserve the ego boost that comes with that. I will forgive myself for allowing myself to be humiliated, insulted, disrespected, and generally emotionally abused. This is the reason I allowed it to happen: I loved her, and would have done anything to stay with her, including allowing myself to be hurt. I will be patient. I'm not going to meet someone today or tomorrow, next week or next month. I am going to meet someone in a year or two probably, maybe longer. And when I do, it will be when I have become fully accustomed to being single, and am happy being single. I will not chastise myself every time my heart jumps when I get a text, phone call or email. I will not be ashamed about subconsciously hoping that it's her. After all, most times I got a phone call or text over the last three years... it was her. Why should I be so surprised to still have a physical reaction, when her contact became a drug from which I am currently withdrawing? I will not allow the removal of this person to change the love I have for myself. I have felt like nothing, but I have not changed. SHE changed, at least in the way she treated me. Somehow, she turned me into her enemy instead of her best friend, and I will not blame myself for the change in how she saw me. I will try to stop feeling this guilt. The guilt that says, "You should be over her, dude! You pussy! It's been 2 months!" No. Six months minimum to get over something like this. (That's what I have heard.) I will STOP beating myself up by pretending that I meant nothing to her. Pretending her life is perfect now that she's gotten rid of me. She's human too, and she grieves. She grieves for ME because I was important. Finally, I will be patient. Right now each hour is like a day, each day a week. Each week feels like a month. I'm not over her, I'm not going to be over her for a while. In the meantime, I will find something in each day to look forward to. I will appreciate the sun and the breeze and this summer. I will love myself. Some good realizations there Kiz. 2 months is not a long time, although it feels like eternity when you are going through the withdrawals.
sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Great post, Kiz. I think our breakups occurred on the same day - May 4, right? I am really impressed with how far you've come in such a short period of time. I won't beat myself up by comparing where I am in my recovery compared to where you are in your recovery... ...but I clearly still have a ways to go. Thanks for the perspective.
Author kizik Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 SSG, the above are merely suggestions / advice to myself, things that I will TRY to maintain. Don't think for a minute I've actually put them into full action yet. As far as comparing your progress to mine, add this one to the list: I will not compare myself to others, as someone will always be worse off than me, and someone else will always be better off than me. PS. Yep, May 4th.
D-Lish Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Sometimes it's just the simple act of accepting that you have to go through certain stages and emotions that brings a small semblence of peace to your day to day existance. You'd be a robot if you were completely over this after a mere two months. Geez, after almost a decade with my ex, it took me a good two years to settle into a better place with myself. I wasn't a wreck for 2 years- but I wasn't myself. We all heal on different timelines. You have to give yourself credit for how far you have come in two months. I don't miss my ex. I miss having companionship in my life. But I have to come that point where I do enjoy being single and all that entails. You'll get there.
roghornio Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I will try to stop feeling this guilt. The guilt that says, "You should be over her, dude! You pussy! It's been 2 months!" No. Six months minimum to get over something like this. (That's what I have heard.) 24 weeks today man… 24 WEEKS AGO TODAY. I can honestly say I am around 95-98% through it. So long as the universe doesn’t throw in a curl ball of bumping into her or hearing from her in the next couple weeks I’m out. Thinking back at some of the stages of it – absolutely horrible – In fact around 2 months was the end of the worst bit – that horrible buzzing numbness where you realize you have absolutely no control, who are they with.. what are they doing, panic, panic panic. cant talk to anyone, don’t want to talk to anyone. Just repeating the what if’s and why did I do’s to yourself. As you have heard a million times before – yes it does get better but it’s slow and just when you think you’re out, another wave of downness is upon you, but itll be shorter than before and this just goes on and on until one day a few hours go by then you realize hold up ive not thought about it yet! And from there your almost through. My first girlfriend tookme a year to get over! My 3rd took 3 (but I was in contact with her every other day for that time – even though I dated someone for 8months through that time I couldn’t let go… and that;s why you should stick NC!!!) Good luck – but you don’t need it – your doing fine!!
Recommended Posts