LostHusband Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 As I've said in other threads, my wife left me last month, on June 12th. This weekend was our 5 year wedding anniversary. Well, would have been anyway. I still consider it an anniversary, even though we are no longer together. It was so hard getting through it. She came by the house to pick the kids up and I asked if I could get a hug and a kiss for our 5 year anniversary. She hugged me and I got a small kiss, not a big deal but it was nice. She then took the kids and went back to her place. So here I am spending my 5 year anniversary by myself. I had such plans for us, I had a fun trip planned for us, but I had to stop the whole planning process a few months ago. I ended up just going out by myself, it was ok, I don't mind being by myself - but I just miss my wife so dang much. I got through the day and night and thought I had reached a milestone - like I was just trying to hang on to something until that anniversary. I thought after that, I would start to feel better, but actually I'm feeling worse. I seem to miss her more and more each day and feel sadder and sadder. Maybe its just reality finally sinking in that she's really gone and there is nothing I can do. I use to have hope and feel happy, thinking when she leaves she'll start to miss me. But she doesn't. She knew I was going out, and it use to be she would wonder when I would be home, etc. But she didn't even ask where I was going or care what I was doing. I never even heard from her the next day - thought she might want to make sure I got home ok at least. But nothing. Argg! I'm trying to not talk to her much or try to kiss/hug her but I'm still hurting! I can go several days and feel fine but the past couple of days I've done nothing but cry. What happened??
Mr. Lucky Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 She came by the house to pick the kids up and I asked if I could get a hug and a kiss for our 5 year anniversary. She hugged me and I got a small kiss, not a big deal but it was nice. As I'm trying to not talk to her much or try to kiss/hug her but I'm still hurting! LostHusband, not only is neediness unattractive, but, in your case, it's also counterproductive. As hard as it is to do, your best chance lies in showing your W that you're a changed man - strong, self-reliant, comfortable in your own skin. Since you can't control what she does, your obvious focus should be on what YOU do. Move on, get a life, start a hobby - all cliches but all true. You'll be much more attractive in her eyes if you're off camping in the wilderness than you will be hanging out on the porch hoping for a pity kiss. Probably tough to hear but doesn't make it any less true. Keep us posted... Mr. Lucky
Author LostHusband Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 I know I've been doing that, and I know I said I did get a kiss and then say I've been trying not to do that, but it WAS my 5 year anniversary and I wanted something at least. I knew I shouldn't have, but I just wanted a hug or something - it was a tough weekend for me. Speaking of camping in the wilderness - I do have a camping trip with some friends planned for next month and I can't wait! We got a cabin and are just going to hang out around the campfire drinking beer, etc. It's an annual trip and I'm really looking forward to it. Be nice to get away from it all - I'm pretty good when I'm around friends, hardly think about the ex at all.
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I know I've been doing that, and I know I said I did get a kiss and then say I've been trying not to do that, but it WAS my 5 year anniversary and I wanted something at least. I knew I shouldn't have, but I just wanted a hug or something - it was a tough weekend for me. Speaking of camping in the wilderness - I do have a camping trip with some friends planned for next month and I can't wait! We got a cabin and are just going to hang out around the campfire drinking beer, etc. It's an annual trip and I'm really looking forward to it. Be nice to get away from it all - I'm pretty good when I'm around friends, hardly think about the ex at all. Well then, what are you waiting for? Get out and have some fun! You're going to have more time now that you're sharing custody. What's stopping you from going out for a beer with the guys or having a poker night at your place?
Author LostHusband Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Well its the trying not to think about her and not being sad when I'm alone in my house that is getting to me. Can't be around friends all the time, Sunday nights are the worst, especially on the weekends when she has the kids. I just miss my whole family being around. The kids are with me for the next two weeks though, so by the time she has them maybe I'll be doing much better...
Mr. Lucky Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Well its the trying not to think about her and not being sad when I'm alone in my house that is getting to me... Then don't be alone in the house ! I went through the same thing when first separated, it's a natural feeling. My solution was simply to get out and do something, even if it was to go down to the local bookstore and hang out in the cafe reading magazines. I also played more tennis that first year than the entire US Davis Cup team - it was something to do. Keep yourself busy and you'll be surprised st the perspective you'll gain... Mr. Lucky
SingleDad Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I've got my 4 year wedding anniversary coming up Aug 21. and my 40th birthday is Aug 9. August is going to be a tough month - over the hill and lost my family. I know your anguish.
Author LostHusband Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 This is weird - today I went to pick up the kids and she's just now asking me what I did Saturday night. Um - its 4 days later, why ask now? I just told her I went out, she asked where, I just said I went to a couple of bars (which I did, just hung out and talked to people, including some of the opposite sex:)). Wonder why she all of a sudden takes an interest in what I was doing? In other news, I took some advice on here and posted a profile on a singles site, just to see what was out there. I've been on there just a few weeks and now I have at least one person who seems really nice and fun and she is very interested in meeting me. Well that didn't take long - I'll probably just stick to emailing her back and forth, but at least I know there are some good women out there! I'm not ready for a relationship right now but it does make me feel more confident about my future!
sadhubby Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 how long have you been apart? and i went through similar things my wife would dangle a carrot in my face when she felt i might be going in a differnt direction.
sadhubby Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 oh sorry i saw it was one month dont give up hope yet just be prepared to be mentally anihalted. i filed for divorce moved to a new state was seperated for 4 months she was with another dude i dated another chick and we are know back to gether. **** happens ..
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