bothered that i am still bothered by this... was it just a question of bad timing?

[my body is a cage]

warning: novel ahead

 

So I'm still moderately bothered by a situation with a guy at school that didn't work about a month or two ago. I posted about it before... but apparently the threads from that time period are now lost in the depths of cyberspace (??!)

 

I just finished my freshmen year of college, and he just finished his junior year. I met him early in the year because he came up to me at a wine and cheese party and introduce himself. I was pretty happy because I thought he was cute, and we got along really well and he instantly friended me on facebook and sent me a message telling me he thought I was "really cute" and that we should hang out, etc (he also got my number).

 

He definitely came on really strongly, and I kind of liked him, but I also had something going on with another guy at the time who was a freshmen, and also not in this exclusive society thing at school (that the first guy is in and therefore) and therefore less threatening. Not that the first guy was threatening! He was always quite the gentlemen (although one time we hung out I got wayyy too high and decided that all men were "predators", him especially, which caused me to flake out on him for a while, but then i got over it).

 

Anyway, nothing happened the first semester as I chose the freshmen guy. We had some ridiculous encounters, such as my friend unbeknownst to me drunkenly texting him 'im auDacious!' instead of "im at eclectic!" (this place where he lived... ****ing t9 ) but he's not really the type to care about things like that... he's generally sort of out of it, which I don't really mind, I find it funny, and I'm kind of like that too (he's very smart when he's focused.)

 

We hadn't talked for a while, until I ran into him at a party again and he came over and sat down and talked to me all night. I was just happy that things were finally not really weird anymore. I didn't really talk to him for a while after that, but could at least say hi to him normally. He seemed really interested again but cautious, like for example I was going into this show, and out of the corner of my eye I saw someone from a distance stop walking and look at me and I turned around and it was him so I smiled and then he smiled and walked upstairs. Little things like that, like he passed me on the way to the bathroom once and I smiled and said hi and I saw him turn around and look again when he left the bathroom.

 

One weekend I saw that he had put up this facebook album called "my (name of far away town) girlfriend(s)" that consisted of pictures of him and these two girls or something at this college. however, i didnt really think anything of it, just assumed they were good friends or something? i figured it was a joke because he implied that he had two girlfriends, and she didnt seem like the type of person he typically hangs out with. also, her town is like... 6 hours away from our school.

 

But yeah, soooo eventually I ran into him again and he invited my friend and I to go to his room and hang out. We had a really good time, then I left, and to my surprise he texted me after saying that it was good to see me and we should have been hanging out all year. I wrote back yeah that was fun, hopefull i will see you around soon or something to that extent. Then he sent me three more text messages asking if I wanted to go to a movie tomorrow, then if I wanted to hang out on the hill during the day... I told him I would call him. The next morning I got out of class and already had a text waiting for him. We ended up hanging out all day and night, and at night we finally kissed for the first time. He was really sweet all day and night, really nice to all of my freinds, very affectionate... holding hands with me in front of his friends, basically following me like a puppy around the party all night. Afterwards he texted me thank you again and he called me the next morning when he woke up. Things were really good for the whole weekend, and he sent me a message on facebook that he signed with a <3 telling me he had a lot of work for the next few days but would DEFINITELY call me for dinner or something in a few days.

 

all of my friends loved him and agreed that it seemed like he really liked me... he even said something to one of my friends that he felt like he had wasted his whole year by not hanging out with me more.

 

Soo three or four days went by and he did not call me, so I decided to text him hey whats up? He wrote back not much! wanna hang out tonight? I said yeah definitely, what are your plans?? And he never responded!

 

So I was like oook thats weird. I proceeded to get REALLY drunk with my friends (by mistake) and we went to this party and he was there. He tried to talk to me numerous times, but I was a little drunk and kind of angry so I was just like HEY! and then ran away. The next morning I kind of felt like an *******, but luckily I ran into him at the dining hall. I went up to him, he hugged me, I said sorry I was really drunk last night I woke up with my clothes on and he was like hey meee too! and then he asked what my plans were and I was like I dunno, and he said he was going to the city to viisit his sister, but that we should hang out when he came back and he would call me.

 

So then two days go by and I still don't hear from him. I decided to call; no answer. a few days later more pictures of him with his "(name of town)" girlfriend surface; it seemed like he went to this college again, not to "visit his sister."

 

the next week i run into him a few times, we talk a little everything is friendly but it seems a little off. meanwhile, i am becoming good friends with one of his friends; that weekend his friend invites me to his music performance. i go with a couple of girlfriends, and i what do i see?? his (name of town) girlfriend! at our school! i saw him walking towards me with her out of the corner of my eye, then abruptly stopping and turning around so that i wouldnt see him with her. hmmm.

 

now mind you, it is not as if i thought i was exclusive with him. i hooked up with another guy during this whole fiasco, even though that guy didnt mean anything to me. after all of this, i assumed my thing with this guy was over.

 

then! all of a sudden! a week later he texts me out of nowhere, asking me what im up to. i flipped out, had no idea what to do, and then didnt respond.

 

at this point, there was only a week left of school. because this guy and i had such a connection before, i thought maybe i shouldnt dismiss him, especially since its not like i didnt not hook up with others either. three days later i texted him a simple hey whats up. he responded instantly, asking if i wanted to go to the movies that night. i said sure, after i go out to dinner with some girlfriends.

 

soooo after dinner i met him in his room, we started talking about which movies to go to, but then got kind of... distacted? we didnt have sex, but went kind of far... but this was the first time we had done anything but kiss! plus, his response afterwards was 'wooow.'

 

while we were hooking up i felt his phone vibrate twice. after, we lay around talking for a really long time. then i saw him look at his phone, and the two missed calls were from his (name of town) girlfriend! after he looked at his phone, he seemed sort of distant, but im not sure if that was just me being overly sensitive (which i can be). he said he would call me the next day for a movie or something.

 

also, he was acting in this film and had told me to go watch it. i texted him the next day asking when the film was, and he responded telling me the time. i said ok i will try to go, are you gonna be there? and he didnt respond. once again... ooookkk. my friend and i went, and i didnt even notice him but then we heard hey! he was working there, checking bags for food, so for the sake of something to say i said "i have food." and he said, "oh really? im going to have to take that. im gonna eat it all! what kind of food is it?" "dried cranberries" "oh, my favorite!' soooo i gave him my cranberries, went and got a ticket, and noticed him looking over at us as we walked in...

 

after the show, i wanted to talk to him but my friend had to pee after she had peed, we saw him linger, then we saw him go outside, then he did something really weird: we were walking towards him, out of the building, and he turned around, his friends were leaving but he stood there for a second, and it REALLY looked like he was looking at us waiting to talk to him, then all of a sudden he turned around and walked away. my freind and i were both BEYOND confused. i guess i can contribute it to how out of it he is... maybe he didnt see us? who knows. it was really weird that he was joking around at first and then did that.

 

but yeah, so now there are about 2 days left of school. i made no effort to contact him. the last day of school im wondering if i should contact him to say goodbye for the summer or not, and then, like the perfect answer to my inquiries, i see him with the Ithaca girlfriend! at my school, again!

 

hhaa i asked my friend if she could believe that and her response was, '...yes.' should have seen that coming, i guess.

 

sooooo then i made out with his friend the last day of school and ddindt call him. and his friend has been calling me this summer but i havent hung out with him ahha.

 

but yeah. idk i am still confused about the situation. his (name of town) girlfriend really doesnt seem like his type, and not to sound shallow, but reeeaallly isnt very good looking... i did some facebook research, and it turns out they went to high school together! Based on pictures it looks like she was his partner on the debate team or something.

 

Oh! And the only reason I’m thinking about this so much now is because he JUST changed his facebook status to in a relationship with her. Wtf. Were they in a relationship the whole time without it on facebook? Or did they just start being actually official? Was she his high school sweetheart??

 

Basically, my questions are: do you think he actually liked me? or was he just in it to geet ass? was the issue simply that he already had a girlfriend? why would he choose to be in a relationship with someone who lives six hours away? do you think he ducked out because we moved too fast initially?

 

idk, im just worried that im responsible for messing things up by going to far with him? was it a huge mistake to hook up with him after not hearing from him in a week? did he cheat on his girlfriend with me?

 

did i do anything wrong? do you think there is a chance for us in the future? if there is, should i give him a chance, or should i be angry?

 

any thoughts would be appreciated, sorry this was so long. it bothers me because it seemed to be going so well for a while and i really did like him

[my body is a cage]

ahhaa i see that i made this wayyy toooo long. damn. no insight?

[daphne]

a) he's young.

b) he's dumb.

c) i'm afraid he's not that into you.

 

Don't overanalyze what you did. But the first ook was the big red flag. He was playing the field before deciding to commit to his girlfriend. He doesn't sound like a good bf. Be glad that you're not with him cos he would probably be doing that to you.

 

Move on and wait for a guy who's not ambivalent. It's a waste of time.

[Gemini0525]

a) he's young.

b) he's dumb.

c) i'm afraid he's not that into you.

 

Don't overanalyze what you did. But the first ook was the big red flag. He was playing the field before deciding to commit to his girlfriend. He doesn't sound like a good bf. Be glad that you're not with him cos he would probably be doing that to you.

 

Move on and wait for a guy who's not ambivalent. It's a waste of time.

 

Ditto!

 

I'm sure it's disappointing and confusing but... there it is.

 

Too much hassle for being so early on, ya know?

 

Nothing wrong with saying "hi" and being the better person if you run into him again but personally, I wouldn't give him any indication that you are available to him.

 

Good luck!

[my body is a cage]

c) i'm afraid he's not that into you.

 

 

Really? My friends agreed with me that it seemed like he was really into me (and they would tell me if they didnt think he was), but do you think hes just a player that knows how to act that way??

 

Thanks for your input!

[A.G.Doren]

I think he may very well have liked you a lot, but it doesn't matter. For one reason or another he's not available for you whether its because he has a gf and was cheating, was playing the field or some other reason. Just because two people like each other doesn't mean they're gonna be together.

 

edit> Like the others that have posted here I advise you not to put anymore thought or energy into it.

[Lucky_One]

do you think he actually liked me? Sure.

 

or was he just in it to geet ass? Yes.

 

was the issue simply that he already had a girlfriend? Maybe

 

why would he choose to be in a relationship with someone who lives six hours away? Bc he likes her a lot.

 

do you think he ducked out because we moved too fast initially? No.

 

idk, im just worried that im responsible for messing things up by going to far with him? If you want to know if a guy really really likes you, see if he keeps calling you after some phone dates with no "going too far".

 

was it a huge mistake to hook up with him after not hearing from him in a week? Yes.

 

did he cheat on his girlfriend with me? Yes.

 

did i do anything wrong? Depends on what you consider "wrong".

 

do you think there is a chance for us in the future? For a R? No. For a FWB? Sure.

 

if there is, should i give him a chance, or should i be angry? Why would you be angry with him? Bc he doesn't like you enough to break up with his GF to date you exclusively? That isn't really something to be angry about. You CAN be angry that he cheated on her with you and didn't tell you that he had a GF.

 

When a guy is into you, he calls you. He doesn't lie to you, and he WANTS to stay in contact with you, rather than rely on casual meetings or last-minute plans.

[my body is a cage]

 

Depends on what you consider "wrong".

 

 

Are you implying that I did something morally wrong? I didn't know, and still don't know, if he was exclusive with the other girl at the time. PLUS, he tried to hide whatever it was he had with her from me.

 

Why would you be angry with him? Bc he doesn't like you enough to break up with his GF to date you exclusively? That isn't really something to be angry about. You CAN be angry that he cheated on her with you and didn't tell you that he had a GF.

 

 

Obviously the latter. Obviously I wouldn't expect him to dump his girlfriend, if they were exclusive, just because I came a long. That would be an irrational thing to be angry about; I meant should I be angry as in should I feel used/played.

 

Anyway, thanks for reading my ridiculously long post and taking the time to respond.

[refurb]

Sounds like a whole lotta drama to me!

 

RF

[my body is a cage]

Sounds like a whole lotta drama to me!

 

RF

 

ha! more like a whole lot of overanalyzing on my part, probably. nothing dramatic really materialized in reality.