Katherineos123 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Sorry for the longevity, but Im feeling rather lost here... My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me about two weeks ago. We had so much fun together, we were best friends, we spent all of our time together (which in hindsight, was part of the problem). As of recently however, we started fighting more and more frequently, over petty trivial things. Things in which were not worth the arguments, and sad enough, most of the arguing was initiated by me. On the fourth of July, we got into a big fight. We both agreed that this was not the way things should be, and the next day, he broke up with me. He told me that he thinks I have a lot of unresolved abandonment issues, that I need to deal with. We both agreed that we didn’t want things to go this way, there was a lot of tears and pleading on both parts, but he inevitably told me that we can’t be together right now. He said that if we were to ever try again, I need to address these issues professionally first. I agree with him completely, my last relationship, which lasted for three years, completely broke my heart. My ex believes I am not yet over him. About 4 years ago, I lost my mother unexpectedly, obviously a huge trauma in my life. Also, when I was 10, my father left us and never looked back. I have started going to therapy, and so far, I am beginning to hash out some of these issues, an action which has been long overdue. Although it may seem this way however, I am not doing this solely for him, the breakup was merely the catalyst for my therapy. We have spoke once so far, and have agreed to be friends. So, my question is this. I know that I should be taking this time for reflection, and to focus on myself, and I am, but I want him back so badly it hurts. I’m very depressed and I miss him terribly. Should I wait for him? Do you think he will come back to me? I know he’s hurting just like I am. How long, if at all, should I wait before I propose that we try again? Has anyone been through a similar situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Love, Heartbroken yet again
justaman99 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Things in which were not worth the arguments, and sad enough, most of the arguing was initiated by me. I applaud you. To be able to recognize a problem in yourself is a huge step and telling of your maturity. I am sure he wasn't a saint either but it's great that you can honestly recognize this. On the fourth of July, we got into a big fight. We both agreed that this was not the way things should be, and the next day, he broke up with me. He told me that he thinks I have a lot of unresolved abandonment issues, that I need to deal with. Again I think this is the right thing to do and I am somewhat envious of your situation. My ex sounds a lot like you in the sense of starting arguments and what not. When I told my ex that she has some anger problems she well she got angry LOL and refused to acknowledge any of what I was saying. That was our downfall. It was a catch 22 because she wanted me to tell her how I felt and I did, it always backfired. So again, I respect your ability to really think about this maturely and work on it. He said that if we were to ever try again, I need to address these issues professionally first. He's right but the most important thing here is that YOU want to address these problems. That you want to be a better person, that you truly recognize an area within yourself that you want help in. If the motivation is stemming from him it won't work. You have to truly want to work on this yourself. I have started going to therapy, and so far, I am beginning to hash out some of these issues, an action which has been long overdue. Although it may seem this way however, I am not doing this solely for him, the breakup was merely the catalyst for my therapy. This is a really good to read. I think it's a great start. Do you think he will come back to me? I know he’s hurting just like I am. How long, if at all, should I wait before I propose that we try again? Has anyone been through a similar situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I don't know but at the very least you will feel better about yourself as you get these things out and address it. I know that If I was him and my ex had the same thinking that you did I wouldn't only get back together with her, I would support her and go to some of these sessions with her. I'm not saying I'm perfect either. I could probably use some therapy as well. Try not to think about him coming back so much, it will only inhibit the progress and the chance that it can work. It also depends on how bad the fights were. Did it get to a point where you started belittling each other or calling names and swearing and stuff like that? That can be pretty damaging, I know first hand. -Just
Author Katherineos123 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Thanks Just! I wish he saw things the way you do! Its been two weeks now since we've spoke at all, and Im begining to get a bit panicky... but Im not calling him, the ball is in his court. Our fights were never THAT bad. I mean, we would yell sometimes, and we had a few that got a little heated but other than that they were just little bickerings. Most of the time we fought, there was alcohol involved, which only heightens otherwise controlable emotions. Not that either of us are drunkards or anything, but when we were drinking, things just got out of hand. I just wish I had some idea of what to do. I just want to know if Im holding onto the unrealistic hopes of us trying again someday, or if I should just cut my loses now. Maybe him saying that it MIGHT be worth another shot was moreso a way of him letting me down gently.... Hes just such a great guy and I cant believe Ive ruined it.
roghornio Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Maybe the arguments were his way out - he might have wanted out, but ddn't know how and used those arguments as an excuse? Probably not what yo want tio hear - and it might not be true. I'm sorry for you loss. It does get easier.
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