Tyra Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I have a sister who has been involved with her boyfriend for four years. They are talking about getting married soon.She cheated on him once in the past and he doesn't know about it. She asked me whether or not she should tell him before they get married, or not to. Being as though they are dating now, and the marriage commitment is what really matters. I really don't know what to tell her. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks to all with suggestions.
Nevermind Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Mh. Tough call. I think she should tell him, because 1) it still is on her mind, and always will be until she tells him 2) he has a right to know and 3) if they survive this, their marriage has a solid base. It is a really hard thing to do, but it's basically the only thing that can balance out the selfishness of cheating. By lieing, she is adding insult to injury. By telling she works to make it up.
Lizzie60 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I say to keep quiet.. not tell... the truth is not always a good thing... If she is now serious about getting involved with him.. then she should just forget about the whole thing... He will most probably cheat on her one day anyway..
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 She cheated on him - was it a one night stand or was it an affair? Is that guy she cheated with still around in her life? He has the right to know and a right to decide for himself what he wants to do. I mean, if he finds out later into the marriage, after they have afew kids, it'll kill him and he'll be very pissed off. Ask her if the situation was reversed, would she want to know? It comes down to can she live with this secret forever. If he finds out from someone else later on, HE will leave for sure, so she needs to weigh her options now and really think about it. Also, will she cheat again? What were her reasons for cheating in the first place? Did she blame him for her choices to cheat?
Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Perhaps your sister needs to read some of the threads where the husbands' have found out about cheating that happened previous to, or during the marriage, years later. Truly, the pain, anger and bitterness for living a lie for years and years, is palpable.
AdrianaLima Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 As from reading both of your threads, I would think that she tell her boyfriend about it. If it's meant to be, then he will look past this. If not, then at least she became honest with him.
mental_traveller Posted July 24, 2008 Posted July 24, 2008 These questions are always easy to answer. The basic rule of morality is to think what you would want if you were in their place. If you were thinking of marrying some guy, and he had cheated on you while you were dating, would you want to know about it, or not? The people who say don't tell are 100% correct - but only from the perspective of the cheating partner. What about from the perspective of the cuckolded partner? If you steal from a blind man, should you keep quiet about it, or admit your wrongdoing? That's the real question. The only way you can answer is look into your soul and ask yourself do you care about those weaker than yourself, those you are deceived, cheated, given bad luck in life. Do you feel any empathy and sympathy for those people, do you feel the desire to make things right by them. Or are you looking out for number 1? I am not going to try to pass any judgement here, I would just say - tell your friend to be guided by her conscience. Ask her, if she was in this situation, would she rather know, or not know, about her partner's infidelity? She should then follow her own reaction, and treat him the same way she would want to be treated. If she genuinely loves him, then she should treat him with the same honesty that she would want for herself. P.S. totally unrelated question, but who is the woman in your avatar pic?
Recommended Posts