kivabeach Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I didnt want to post this in OM/OW because I am no longer in that position. The man who had an affair with me is and has been my committed partner for the last four years. We love each other, and feel we are supposed to be together. My issue is this. The affair happened about 4 years ago. It happened in a small town, and basically everyone who lives here, and knows me, him or his ex, knows what happened. I moved away about 4 years ago for a number of reasons, including feeling pushed out by the community. See, it wasn't like anyone actually said, "get out you homewrecker" but my subconscious told me it would be better to leave. My partner still lives in this small town because he is committed to his business here, and cannot just pick up and leave. He and I have a great LDR and we see each other every week. Well, I'm up in this small town visiting him right now, and I am afraid to show my face. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of my participation in the affair, that i really dont want to be seen. I am sick of living this way. I mean it when I say I hate coming here. I feel like I am incarcerated here, but by my own doing. I dont really know what the community thinks, and since I've moved away, I dont think they think much of it, but if I were to be seen with him, then it all comes back to the present, and people will make their judgements. This place used to be my home. I moved here in 1996, was a huge part of the community, went to college here, and made this my home. Obviously the consequences of the affair have taken a toll on me, but its been 4 years!!! When will I get over the shame? How can I walk proudly with my man in this town?
Owl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 No offense intended, but I'm not sure that you'll ever get past that feeling... ESPECIALLY there where it happened, and if there are a lot of people that know about it. The only things I could suggest would be to either try to reconcile with those you hurt from the affair, and get their "good graces"....and honestly, I know that unlikely that is....or...other option is simply leaving that area. For as long as you're still with him, and you know that there are still hard feelings and pain associated with that...I don't know how you'd get past this any other way. Sorry I couldn't be more constructive.
luvstarved Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 It might help to remember that for the most part people don't really give a rat's ass about former acquaintances and aren't thinking about what you are up to nearly as much as you might fear. I don't mean that to sound harsh...for the most part, that's just the way life is. If your man can live there day by day and not feel the harsh gavel of justice wailing upon him, then I don't see why you should. Whatever past mistakes, focus on your own life and not worry about what other people might think - whatever it is, it's fleeting anyway. They've got their own s**t to inordinately worry about
NoIDidn't Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 By just doing it. You can't continue to live with your head hidden because of the A. Does his ex still live there? Were there children involved? Its been four long years, so its a little late to apologize to people and make amends. The townpeople may never forgive you, but you can't let that intimidate you into hiding whenever you visit him. I think you should talk to your partner and find out how he feels about it. You have let the guilt ride you for too long. It doesn't sound like its the town, but you. You have the issue internally. And that's where you need to work. I'm with Nike....Just do it. Start by going out to eat together at a prime time in a frequented but not really busy local spot. What's done is done. When are you going to take that sign off your back already?
Recommended Posts