AdrianS Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Ok, let me get a few things out of the way first. My name is Adrian, and I'm 30 years old. I am serving in our military for the past 8 years. I now live in Southern California. I am married to Denise who is a great person and I love her with all my heart. She is also in the military and has 6 years of service so far. When I married her I told myself that I wasn't marrying someone I could live with, but I was marrying someone I couldn't live without. I just recently came back from a six month deployment to Japan. I got the feeling that something was wrong about halfway through this deployment. She didn't talk as much, and I noticed her going out with her friends a lot more. I would call and she would be at a bar or club with her friends. I didn't worry because I had faith in my wife and believed in my marriage. So, now I am home and she informs me that she isn't happy with me anymore. That she doesn't know what is going on with her. She says that she needs time to think things through. She swears that she has never cheated on me, and I do believe her. She says that I spend too much time away from her, and I just received orders to a non deployable unit so that I can be with her more. She says that I take her for granted and that I don't like to go out and hang out anymore. I do feel that I have taken her for granted at times and I don't like to go out as much anymore. I prefer to spend our time together in a quality way other than in loud places. She tells me that she married me too young. We have been married almost five years now. She was 22 when we married and I was 25. I am so hurt that I actually cry myself to sleep over this. I don't know what to do. She told me last night that she wants a separation. I feel so confused by this. She wants a separation, but when I told her that I would find somewhere else to live for the time being she said that she didn't want that. She wants me to stay here in our house, and sleep in our bed with her. What's up with that? She wants room to think, but wants me around. She is sending me mixed signals here. I love this woman with all my heart and I'm willing to do anything and everything to save this marriage. I asked her about going to counseling with me, and she said that she would let me know. I'm reaching out and trying to understand this situation. The thing that hurts me so bad is that I am trying to understand this situation, and she has shut me out. I'm currently looking for a counselor for myself and I'm hoping that she will eventually want to attend with me. So, I have come on here to seek advice from people that have been in my situation before. I need help in understanding what is going on. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Adrian
Owl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Ok...there are TONS of red flags here that she IS cheating. I know you WANT to believe her, but the reality is that she's not only had ample time and opportunity, but she's using all the classic "wayward" excuses for what's going on. Seriously...do a look at her phone records for the last year. See if she's texting or calling a specific number a LOT. Same thing for her email/IM/myspace/whatever. Affairs require communication. Consider putting a keylogger on your home computer...and/or a voice activated recorder someplace where she can spend some time communicating without you (like her car, or on the phone in a seldom used room). Suggest marriage counseling to sort through the problems...ACS should provide this if I remember correctly. Or your unit's chaplain. First thing...gather intel to understand the situation. Get a goal (save your marriage, or divorce), then develop a battle plan to implement your goal. Make sense? Last thing...off topic. Paragraphs and punctuation will make your posts easier to read...just a suggestion.
Recommended Posts