Lucky555 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 can you tell your SO anything? do you feel like you can tell them anything that might have hurt you and make yourself vulnerable and completely exposed to them? (on an emotional level) I'm just curious. I don't think i have ever been in love because i have never become this close to someone.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 can you tell your SO anything? do you feel like you can tell them anything that might have hurt you and make yourself vulnerable and completely exposed to them? (on an emotional level) I'm just curious. I don't think i have ever been in love because i have never become this close to someone. It depends on how long you guys have been together. But alot of people are commitmentphobes and they freeze up when they're given the L word. I'd say tell him if you truly believe you love him, but it might put in a vulnerable spot if he doesn't reciprocate.
carhill Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 OP, you have to define the terms for yourself. If you believe you're in love, you are, for you. As far as emotionally close goes, that's a capacity each of us has to varying degrees. You can be very emotionally close to someone without being "in love" with them. With romantic love, the only sure way to find your truth is to put yourself out there, without fear. Sometimes you'll get hurt, but if/when the right person comes along at the right time (timing is important IMO), you'll be glad that you did.
Carmen87 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I am in love with my SO and I feel like I can tell him anything without ever being judged. But I can also do the same with my best friend. If you FEEL you are in love, and it isn't just infatuation, then you probably are.
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I never felt this way with my ex, but after two conversations with this new girl, I trust her completely, and she reciprocates. I don't know if it's essential to a good relationship, but it certainly feels nice.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I think it's important to open up and share your feelings with your SO. If you can't trust them to confide in, then your relationship will probably have some issues. I don't know if love and personal disclosure go together. If it is something very very personal that has been traumatic, then that is your personal business that can be disclosed at your discretion. My best friend had some personal information and emotional issues that she didn't share with her husband right away when they began dating and even after she fell in love. It took her awhile to be able to share that type of heartache. It isn't really about love, it's more about apprehension that they won't have the reaction that you are hoping they would. That's more about insecurity and trust issues then whether or not you are in love with them.
Author Lucky555 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Ok so a lot of you all are separating the two. So love and being able to open up to them are two things? I guess it appears as though it depends on the relationship and how much you trust your SO. However, if you don't trust them then there are problems. Some people take time to reveal things about themselves or to develop that emotional security with their SO. Thanks for the posts everyone.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Ok so a lot of you all are separating the two. So love and being able to open up to them are two things? I guess it appears as though it depends on the relationship and how much you trust your SO. However, if you don't trust them then there are problems. Some people take time to reveal things about themselves or to develop that emotional security with their SO. Thanks for the posts everyone. Well, I do think the two are somewhat seperate. Like you said it does depend on the relationship and how long you have been together. If you just are falling in love and have something very private to to tell them, then it may be too early in your relationship to devulge something that huge. Maybe it's not even trust, more that you don't feel that it is the right time to tell them something. I mean if you fall in love after 3-4 months with someone, it may still be too early on to tell them something personal that has hurt you (ex: you were abused or have an illness of some sort). That's completely understandable. It doesn't so much mean you don't trust them, I think it's more that you just feel you haven't known them long enough to say something that personal.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 One of the things my bf tells me is that when we met, he felt really comfortable with me really soon, and was almost immediately able to tell me things he couldn't even tell friends he had known for years--and that is part of the reason why he pursued a relationship with me, because I evoked that special/open feeling in him. I'd say that while love and opening up are two distinct phenomena, they are are intimately intertwined, and if you have one you'll most likely (in a healthy relationshop) have the other eventually.
Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 For example, let's say that you're dead set against ever being in a relationship with anyone who's cheated. Your SO doesn't tell you until after you've fallen in love, that he's cheated on all his past g/fs. How would you feel? There's a fine balance between trust/ethics/core values and love.
Author Lucky555 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 Your SO doesn't tell you until after you've fallen in love, that he's cheated on all his past g/fs. um wow this is a weird situation. I would feel really insecure and question his moves due to him previously cheating..if its a habit. Habits are hard to break. That would absolutely hurt. Otherwise being able to open up to someone and love on intertwined. I don't have any bad secrets or anything but i find it hard to open up myself about previous relationships if i feel like the guy is not completely open with me. Its something i have learned to do..figure them out first then gauge whether or not i can pursue and open emotional/headed toward the future relationship. I have yet to find this. Maybe its smart as to not get hurt...and every time so far when i suspect something its usually been right. I am pretty good at reading people and their emotions and why they do things. I study human behavior a lot so its like a second nature to gauge men..its saved me a lot of times though. Other times i can't have a functional relationship cuz i know there is more to the story than meets the eye. UGH RELATIONSHIPS...i suppose i just need to meet someone who is genuine and open and not trying to pull something.
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Your SO doesn't tell you until after you've fallen in love, that he's cheated on all his past g/fs. um wow this is a weird situation. I would feel really insecure and question his moves due to him previously cheating..if its a habit. Habits are hard to break. That would absolutely hurt.Absolutely...pattern does define behaviour. Otherwise being able to open up to someone and love on intertwined. I don't have any bad secrets or anything but i find it hard to open up myself about previous relationships if i feel like the guy is not completely open with me. Its something i have learned to do..figure them out first then gauge whether or not i can pursue and open emotional/headed toward the future relationship. I have yet to find this. Maybe its smart as to not get hurt...and every time so far when i suspect something its usually been right. I am pretty good at reading people and their emotions and why they do things. I study human behavior a lot so its like a second nature to gauge men..its saved me a lot of times though. Other times i can't have a functional relationship cuz i know there is more to the story than meets the eye. UGH RELATIONSHIPS...i suppose i just need to meet someone who is genuine and open and not trying to pull something. I do understand that it takes time to get to know someone and open up completely. The only problem is that what one person views as a positive attribute, could be what someone else views as a dealbreaker. Perhaps what you're referencing is opening up to them emotionally v. holding back who you are?
Author Lucky555 Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 well if my instincts tell me something is up i will wait longer as to know them better...as u see still single and i was with the wrong guys. 1. drinker/smoker guy 2. emotionally unavailable guy These are just two serious relationships i have had. Both not good for me..number two was the real hearbreaker because he strung me along. But now i am a lot more comfortable after ditching these guys. I can be myself with new guys that I meet. I guess i just wanted to know if you know your in love is when you are able to share your vulnerability with the other person. I also am more aware of these types of guys and I have a better view on what i want and what i am not going to tolerate in relationships. Both of these relationships were very emotionally bad and i stayed for too long but now i am way better and free to explore! Right now i think the best thing for me to do is to get out there and make myself known and be my lovely self. I think i get the wrong guys because i end up in horrible places where i meet them. So where i am now i think i may meet a variety of guys as opposed to the same type of guys. The place i work at usually attracts 25-35 yr olds which is good for me! lol
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