serendip Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 The ex contacted me again yesterday at 10 in the morning "How r yu doing been thinking of yu lately" which is almost identical to this text...she sent me in early May "How r yu doing was just thinking of yu today" I never bothered responding. And on the last day of June she emailed this... "Thank you for this heartfelt email. I really appreciated it. (I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?) I hope you are doing well." I think she was fishing for contact because the email she was referring to was sent by me on April 1. She was replying to an email I sent 3 months ago and she used an excuse of "I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?" which is a lie since she has a gmail account which attaches all replies to the original email. So she knows she never replied... I never responded to this either. I've been in NC for almost 4 months and it's been slightly more then a year since the breakup(cheating on her part)...so I'm not sure what she wants. As far as I know...I think she has a boyfriend...and last October she told me to move on when I wanted to talk things out and make things right between us. Part of me feels guilty for ignoring her(I'm not the type of person who ignores or into playing games)...this is the 3rd time she's contacted me. I just don't know what she wants. Yesterday I thought about replying to her text saying something like "what's going on?" but I decided to wait a day or 2 b/c I don't want to do something I regret and that might set me back from healing.
northstar1 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 The ex contacted me again yesterday at 10 in the morning "How r yu doing been thinking of yu lately" which is almost identical to this text...she sent me in early May "How r yu doing was just thinking of yu today" I never bothered responding. And on the last day of June she emailed this... "Thank you for this heartfelt email. I really appreciated it. (I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?) I hope you are doing well." I think she was fishing for contact because the email she was referring to was sent by me on April 1. She was replying to an email I sent 3 months ago and she used an excuse of "I can't remember if I responded to it at the time or not?" which is a lie since she has a gmail account which attaches all replies to the original email. So she knows she never replied... I never responded to this either. I've been in NC for almost 4 months and it's been slightly more then a year since the breakup(cheating on her part)...so I'm not sure what she wants. As far as I know...I think she has a boyfriend...and last October she told me to move on when I wanted to talk things out and make things right between us. Part of me feels guilty for ignoring her(I'm not the type of person who ignores or into playing games)...this is the 3rd time she's contacted me. I just don't know what she wants. Yesterday I thought about replying to her text saying something like "what's going on?" but I decided to wait a day or 2 b/c I don't want to do something I regret and that might set me back from healing. It's a pitiful attempt for her to fish for attention. She may have a bf or not - but she's clearly using the lazy way to see if you still will take her bait for attention. I would honestly ignore it. You've come a long way, don't play games wit her.
sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 If she really really really had something important to say, she would call you or, better, show up on your doorstep. I agree, texting you is lazy and a blatant attempt to get attention. If you respond to her text, her need for attention will be satisfied, and she will disappear again.
foxh1234 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I think you have 3 choices here. 1. Don't respond in any way and move on and continue healing and living your life. 2. Respond and tell her you don't wish to have her in your life in any capacity and not to contact you again. 3. Respond and ask why she is contacting you and open the door to further communication. I think #1 is the best, closely followed by #2 ( this is what I did ) If you really want to keep in touch with her and maybe start a friendship, then respond and ask what is up with her and open the communication. My ex cheated on me and I made it clear to her not to contact me again unless she was dying. For me, no good could come from seeing her or contacting her. Each situation is unique though, so you have to decide how you want to proceed.
Author serendip Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 If she really really really had something important to say, she would call you or, better, show up on your doorstep. Yeah, the showing up on the doorstep is not possible considering she lives across the country but I do agree that if she had something to say...she would call me. But I think she is too timid to call because a lot of time has pass since the break up and I have ignore her contact 3 times now. She might also think I am with someone...thus her hesitation to call. While I'm not in a relationship...I am dating. I think she still feels guilty for the cheating and her behaviour after the breakup...and might want me to ease her guilt. I guess who knows really...
Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 So then you start talking to her. But...you know that if you bring anything up, any of your concerns, she'll shut down again. So you walk on eggshells, just to keep things friendly, while ignoring the big white elephant in the room... Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Author serendip Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 So then you start talking to her. But...you know that if you bring anything up, any of your concerns, she'll shut down again. So you walk on eggshells, just to keep things friendly, while ignoring the big white elephant in the room... Does this sound familiar to anyone? I wish she hadn't cheated on me...I would have no problems responding. I don't even think I would be on this board...I would have most likely moved on and heal from a regular relationship breakup and thought fondly of our time together. Now I just look back on our time together with a quiet sadness.
Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I wish she hadn't cheated on me...I would have no problems responding. I don't even think I would be on this board...I would have most likely moved on and heal from a regular relationship breakup and thought fondly of our time together. Now I just look back on our time together with a quiet sadness. I know how you feel from the cheating perspective. Been there. But sincerely, you can and will move beyond that, to a state of indifference. It's an amazing, almost giddy feeling when you realize how far you've come. The moving on part starts with forgiveness. It really does. You accept that they're broken, that they weren't who you thought they were. Then your eyes open wide, to take in what you've missed. They become like any other stranger, where you can observe but it doesn't affect you. You lose all empathy and sympathy for them.
sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I know how you feel from the cheating perspective. Been there. But sincerely, you can and will move beyond that, to a state of indifference. It's an amazing, almost giddy feeling when you realize how far you've come. The moving on part starts with forgiveness. It really does. You accept that they're broken, that they weren't who you thought they were. Then your eyes open wide, to take in what you've missed. They become like any other stranger, where you can observe but it doesn't affect you. You lose all empathy and sympathy for them. To me it is shocking how my logical brain can understand that my ex is broken, but my emotional brain isn't keeping up. I can't wait til they're both on the same wavelength and I can get to the "enlightened state of indifference" as my friend calls it.
Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 To me it is shocking how my logical brain can understand that my ex is broken, but my emotional brain isn't keeping up. I can't wait til they're both on the same wavelength and I can get to the "enlightened state of indifference" as my friend calls it. It absolutely blows your socks off since you feel so weight-free! No more dragging around the proverbial ball and chain. As it stood, I felt light in the loafers...errrr...bad analogy...
Recommended Posts