InTheZone Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 So, I’m new here and unfortunately in a situation that’s frustrating me... I moved back to my old neighborhood after college and started hanging out with some of the people I went to grade school with…one of them became my best friend whom I hang out with constantly…we talk everyday while he’s at work, hang out just about everyday when he gets home, and he takes me out to dinner at least once a week. Problem is he had a girlfriend before we became friends…they’ve been together for over 2 years except they spend hardly any time together…she goes over to his house a couple nights a week usually after he’s hung out with me, so she can get his stuff ready for work and pick up or bring back his laundry. She’s pretty much his maid. He calls me his ‘other girlfriend’. He told me that he’s too busy with work right now and if him and I were to get together it would be the real deal and he can’t handle that right now. I think it’s cuz he’s not ready to settle down and I’m out with him all the time and he couldn’t be the way he is if I was his girlfriend, yet he gets jealous if he sees me with another guy. He says his girlfriend doesn’t know the real him and I do. I think he’s just young and immature right now and keeps her around cuz he has her trained like a puppy…she only comes around when he tells her to, never argues with him, and does his chores, which he knows I won’t do. I don’t know what to do…I’ve totally fallen for him and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get hurt by this situation, but I don’t wanna end it. I think the only thing that would push him to leave her for me right now is if he thought he was gonna lose me. My ex that's in the military is coming home next month...we only broke up cuz he joined the service and still remain extremely close and talk daily, so maybe my best friend seeing me interact with my ex will push my him to be with me. I could be crazy though. Any thoughts?
Nevermind Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Since I pretty much was the girlfriend, you describe here as a puppy: why would you want to be with him? He is in a relationship, not a legal bond like marriage. They have no children, no shared assets, no extremely long past. Yet he doesn't leave her. He abuses her, he treats her like his maid, lets her do everything etc. Do you not see that he is not respecting her? And that this very well might mean that he will disrespect you once you are in her position? He can have two girlfriends, yet gets angry when you are with another guy? His girlfriend of two years doesn't know him, but you do? Look, they are a fresh coulpe, if she doesn't know the real him, then he is the one to blame. They are not a married couple, worn down by many years together. He is like this after a relatively short amount of time. To me he sounds like a selfish jerk, and I'd suggest you don't continue seeing him. Not even for the sake of girlfriend no 1 (because she should leave him asap as well), but for your own. What does he offer to make up for all his selfishness?
OWoman Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Since I pretty much was the girlfriend, you describe here as a puppy: why would you want to be with him? He is in a relationship, not a legal bond like marriage. They have no children, no shared assets, no extremely long past. Yet he doesn't leave her. He abuses her, he treats her like his maid, lets her do everything etc. Do you not see that he is not respecting her? And that this very well might mean that he will disrespect you once you are in her position? He can have two girlfriends, yet gets angry when you are with another guy? His girlfriend of two years doesn't know him, but you do? Look, they are a fresh coulpe, if she doesn't know the real him, then he is the one to blame. They are not a married couple, worn down by many years together. He is like this after a relatively short amount of time. To me he sounds like a selfish jerk, and I'd suggest you don't continue seeing him. Not even for the sake of girlfriend no 1 (because she should leave him asap as well), but for your own. What does he offer to make up for all his selfishness? My thoughts exactly.
flowers1 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 wow, i feel a little sorry for you. i was in a situation a little similiar to yours except my friend was with his baby momma. at least with a baby momma you can find an excuse for the continuing of the relationship. but this guy has no bond with this girl and he stays. he wants his cake and eat it too. if u like his company and like being the other girlfriend, than go for it. im sure your time is fun and exciting. just don't be fooled by his attitude like he don't really like this girl cuz that's bull****. finally, when you say you know him and she don't that is because he has a light and dark side. one of you has his nice, sweet respectable side and the other has his freaky, dark wild side. which ever face he shows you makes you feel it is the real him. he probably tells you how he feels so sad at home that he can't be himself and how he is so close to you cuz he can tell you everything, blah, blah blah.... it all maybe true, but know that he is selfish and a cheat. good luck
GPFan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Any thoughts?I am with the others. He is clearly showing you who he is. Does it make you feel queasy when you reflect on how he is treating her? I wouldn't be so quick to pin it on youth and immaturity. I have a feeling this is who he is and woe be to the unfortunate woman who winds up marrying him.
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