sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 This may not be helpful or relevant to some of you, but I read something yesterday that has really given me pause. The gist of it was this: if the person who just left you were instead totally into you and wanted to marry you...would YOU want to marry them? (Honestly, in your heart of hearts?)
ioncebelieved Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Yep!!!! I made that clear to that idiot!!! Crystal freaking clear! I must be the idiot... what a minute... No need to talk down on myself!!! When you love someone, that is what you do!!! Next time my heart will be filled w/ a little more strength and I will be very careful who I let in. I think I understood what you asked.
carhill Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 NO, and I sometimes wish I were more dense and less complex in this regard.
Author sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 In my case, I would have had serious misgivings about marrying Eric. I had ignored a lot of flags but a certain unease was always present under the surface for me. His non-communication, non-disclosure, non-empathy, and general non-engagement was finally starting to take a toll on me...and I had moments of letting my misgivings surface. Had HE been wanting to get married, I am not at all convinced that I would have wanted it. I loved him, no question, and that is the pain I'm grappling with now, but assuming nothing changed, I am pretty sure that I could not have formed a happy lifetime partnership with him. He would pretty much need to be a different guy for me to want to marry him. (Oh, wait! Now I'm free to find a different guy!) (If only I can get over my Eric grief...)
kizik Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I would have then. Knowing what I know now, having had time to reflect... of course not. I'd be marrying a selfish psycho bitch.
ioncebelieved Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 For me, mine seemed almost perfect!! I mean we clicked together aside from her having another life and lying about it!!! I still say yes, if she would have been into our life instead of trying to do both of her lives.. a definite yes on marriage again!!! I loved her way more than my ex wife!!!
tealeafbud Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 No, I would not. There was a time soon after I broke an engagement with my ex that I thought I had made a mistake, but since everything that's gone on, I pretty much know now that I would not want to get back with them and spend the rest of my life with that person.
Biker2007 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 SSG, I guess my answer is a conditional yes: Before Break-up: She was everything I have ever wanted in a partner. She had some insecurity issues that we would have to work through, but I am not perfect either...so I was willing to do whatever I could to make it work w/her. Post Break-Up: Not sure; She would have to make a huge effort and show that she is willing to work on our issues.
ioncebelieved Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Brilliant thread by the way!!! There has to more out there that would say yes.
Author sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Brilliant thread by the way!!! There has to more out there that would say yes. It's kind of a "careful what you wish for" thread. I think the fog of grief and the sting of rejection make us think that we just lost the best thing that ever happened to us... but, for some of us, that's simply not true.
kizik Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 We lost the most current installment in the relationship plan, is all. And seriously, the best thing that ever happened to us STAYS with us. Otherwise it aint so good now, is it?
Nevermind Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Yes, because my entire self-worth depended on what Giuliano thought of me. I would have married him and allowed him to abuse and mistreat me and would have thought it was just great that he put up with me. I actually once had a fleeting thought of us being old...we sat in chairs at the beach nothing else...and I thought after a life shared together he finally would really love me for what we shared. Yeah.
LikeCharlotte Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 No. I am assuming I know what I know now about him. We had a chance at something good but it never amounted to more than that because he wasn't willing to do a little work. That doesn't bode well for long term. I wonder what would have happened if we had remained blissful without any bumps in the road and then something difficult like an illness happened. I want someone altogether more hopeful and willing to work through difficult things together. I see now that he did not have a positive outlook. I could not have been the only one willing to see the good things and keep hope. I simply want more from a life long commitment.
Event Horizon Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 When I was with her, yes. Now, after the fog has lifted, it would have been a major mistake(biggest of my life), for both of us. I still love her but that doesn't mean we should be together. E..H
PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Mine is a conditional yes too. Pre break-up: a definate yes. Post break-up: There would be a hundred things to consider here. If the break-up made him actually appreciate what he already had etc... then I like to think we could get stronger out of this. I have changed, I assume he will have too (hopefully for the better). But not an option right now so I won't dwell on that.
Nevermind Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Ah, I think I misunderstood. Today, I'd run for the hills (to get my gun and come back) if he were to get with me again. What was I thinking the entire time? He is a control-freak, with no emotional depth, overly focused on money, still living with his parents, not capable of seeing outside of his own situation, a homophobe, a bad lover, an abuser, and a whiner. Also a cold fish, too tiny, clingy when he felt down and cold when he didn't, he thought Italy was the best thing in the world and disliked Greece with a passion (hehe). Wanted to live in huge cities, not for the culture (doesn't like theatre, opera, or anything) but because it makes him feel superior to people from the countryside. Is extremely jealous of anybody who has something he wants. Can't deal with reaction. Is a cheater by nature (he is on oh so many dating sites...incredible). Etc pp.
borelandkaren Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 [quote= I wonder what would have happened if we had remained blissful without any bumps in the road and then something difficult like an illness happened. This is what happened with me. Tonys' auntie fell ill with lung cancer and the reality of my life hit me. He would never have stuck by me if something terrible had happened to me but I would have for him. I knew this to be true so, no, I would not want him. He could not have coped with anything going wrong and the attention all being taken off him. Sad but true. I'm glad I realised before anything happened though. Otherwise, he would have done all he'd set out to do and isolated me from everyone, family and friends and I'd have had nothingand no-one in that time of need. Now at least, I have that. And I don't want someone I can't rely on anyway, no matter how much I love him.:(
roghornio Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 [FONT="]Id probably think about it, and then say yes, then realize very quickly that what I have been thinking about the past few months is all an illusion made up by my brain, and that all the stuff I have forgotton will come back and I’ll be like – what the **** this ain’t what I wanted. LOL.[/FONT]
borelandkaren Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Ah, I think I misunderstood. Today, I'd run for the hills (to get my gun and come back) if he were to get with me again. What was I thinking the entire time? He is a control-freak, with no emotional depth, overly focused on money, still living with his parents, not capable of seeing outside of his own situation, a homophobe, a bad lover, an abuser, and a whiner. Also a cold fish, too tiny, clingy when he felt down and cold when he didn't, he thought Italy was the best thing in the world and disliked Greece with a passion (hehe). Wanted to live in huge cities, not for the culture (doesn't like theatre, opera, or anything) but because it makes him feel superior to people from the countryside. Is extremely jealous of anybody who has something he wants. Can't deal with reaction. Is a cheater by nature (he is on oh so many dating sites...incredible). Etc pp. Darling girl, what part of him are you missing??!!!!:rolleyes:
borelandkaren Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 The bottom. To sink my boots into. Oooohhh!!!! I love ya!!!!!!:lmao:
8ball_lynn Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 We were actually going to get married Jan 09... No doubt in my mind that I wanted to be his wife, but apparently he had doubts and never spoke to me about it until he was ready to end everything.... (Thanks for the heads up you immature bastard - can't even communicate to the person you say you've been in love with for 7 years and proposed to 7 months ago!!!) So I feel like, no, I would not want to be with him because obviously he isn't marriage material, he's not ready to work with another person to work out issues in a serious relationship, which is required in a marriage. (But I'm scared that if he were to tell me he wanted me back I'd be weak and give him another shot ) I like to say and think I'm strong but hypothetical situations compared to real life situations, I find that I choose the weaker, more stupid choice because my heart overpowers my brain!!!!
foxh1234 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I thought about marrying her 3 years ago and didn't think it would work. I made the right decision.
critter909 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 No question- would have loved to have married him.
Issues & tissues Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 We were actually going to get married Jan 09... No doubt in my mind that I wanted to be his wife, but apparently he had doubts and never spoke to me about it until he was ready to end everything.... (Thanks for the heads up you immature bastard - can't even communicate to the person you say you've been in love with for 7 years and proposed to 7 months ago!!!) So I feel like, no, I would not want to be with him because obviously he isn't marriage material, he's not ready to work with another person to work out issues in a serious relationship, which is required in a marriage. He sounds a lot like my ex who had the communication skills of a fried squid! I most definitely would say NO! if he ever came slithering back to me.
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