Author blind_otter Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 I think that S/O is hesitant to immediately report this to CPS because of the measures outlined by Angel1111. During the divorce proceedings, S/O's exW worked for a very prominent divorce lawyer in our town at the time, and he ran S/O through the wringer. S/O nearly banrupted himself during the process, but was unsuccessful getting anything but biweekly visitation with his son. I think that it's pretty dumb to say that S/O is a negligent father that hopes things will go away, he's trying to exhaust all other avenues before involving the authorities. Hopefully when other family members try to talk to his exW about the dangerous situation she is putting her son in, she will listen. If not, then I will have no other option but to involve the authorities.... The thing is, I am familiar with the department of Children and Families in Florida - they are probably the worst social services branch in my state. There have been countless lawsuits against this branch of social services because in Florida they have lost track of foster children, children have died under foster care, foster parents have been found to be abusive or negligent to the point of starving foster children. It's just not a very good program in my state. It's common knowledge here that they are considered a last resort. They are understaffed and overworked. S/O's son would hate me for the rest of his life if he found out I reported his mother to CPS. I am willing to face those consequences, but I hope that an intervention from the family will get his exW motivated to start making better choices. His son is very defensive and protective of his mother. It's just a delicate situation. I feel helpless and I wish there were some alternative. I wish I was on better terms with her so I could talk to her, but that would never work.
Angel1111 Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 This kid's mom probably isn't on good terms with anyone so it's highly doubtful that you'd be her person of choice (or vice versa). Then again, who knows, stranger things have happened. Well, I'm hoping for you that her family makes some headway. If that doesn't work, maybe the court system will surprise everyone and actually make a good decision, for a change. Please keep us posted.
GPFan Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 also, you could call the police and tell them you are concerned, and maybe they could at least do a "drive by" and check in. Here is something that might work for your situation if the laws in Florida prohibit a child his age being left alone. Being that you are long-distance, chances are she wouldn't think it was you who called the police to check. File for custody with the notes you have plus a copy of any/all police reports to bolster your position.
Lishy Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 B.O your stepson has mentioned this because it is on his mind. You mention that telling the authorities would upset him, imagine how upset he would be if something awful happened again? Say an intruder broke in and sexually abused him or his mum? You have been given a warning and as an adult I feel you should act upon it
Woggle Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 Why isn't he doing everything he can to get his son out of that enviroment? I would have done everything in my power to get custody if that were my son. The fact that this is his flesh and blood and he has such a dismissive attitude towards it is very disturbing.
Lishy Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I too am shocked that your S.O is not more concerned, I mean to the degree that he will do something about it It shows a lack of responsibility BO and it is worrying as you have just had a child with him! He really needs to step up now, this should not be your worry BO, you have just given birth and it is not your son in question. This should be your mans worry, but it seems he is just happy to sit back and let it be - Lets hope there is not a grave outcome here. Not good IMO
Author blind_otter Posted July 24, 2008 Author Posted July 24, 2008 S/O does not have a dismissive attitude about this. We talk about it every damn day, this is a huge concern to him. But the fact is, he recognizes his son's need for his mother to be in his life, and he is meeting with her to discuss the issue before going to more drastic measures. Hopefully she will listen, for once -- but I am highly doubtful.
bentnotbroken Posted July 25, 2008 Posted July 25, 2008 It might be time for the son to be with his father and not is mother. He is in a dangerous situation. Even if you don't get the authorities involved, someone else might and then mom and dad could both loose him.
prisoner Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 It reads as if it has already begun to rain. Otter your sos son is your family too. I know that you have such a good heart that you are empathising with him and wish his situation on no one never mind someone you are secretly sworn to protect. I just wonder how much of that you are willing to say to the boy's mother, your so or even to the boy. The first step is to say it to yourself and to your baby. It is imperative that your pragmatic side emerge after you tell everyone where you stand. Insisting on daily updates while the oy is with his mother and finding out how soon visitation can escalate to weekly are incremental but important steps. Equally you can form a horizontal contract with your so. What you want to happen will satisfy any doubts that may have emerged about his relationship with your baby. Meanwhile be strong and corageous and do not be scared. You save us all anyway I think. Your posts remind us that we have to be decent to each other. Let the boy know how strong he is being too.I needed that when I was where he was.
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