waiting4heaven Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Okay, I know this is going to be long and I apologize up front but for the first time in my life I am so confused that I am lost. All I am doing is crying and am running out of time and have to many choices to make. First, let me give you a little background, I am married and have been for 9 years but have been seperated for the past two years. We neither have filed for divorce due to the benefits myself and our 3 children have but we do not live together. I have been dating a gentleman here in state 1 for the past two years and honestly he is the love of my life. We started out really well and due to strain of him getting divorced and leaving his wife and me with my issues we seems to have grown apart in ways that I can't seem to mend no matter how I try. He is still a very active part of my life daily and spends most evenings here at my home with me, telling me he loves me but no longer says he wants to spend his life with me. I have a big issue with his attitude towards me and his unwillingness to share his feelings and thoughts with me like he used to but nonetheless he does own my heart and I honestly can't think of living apart from him for more than a week and never looking into his eyes again, feeling his touch or seeing him smile. It breaks my heart but I don't think he wants the same things. Now my real dilemma is that my husband is getting moved to the other side of the country due to his job. He has asked me to bring the kids and I and pack up and leave and go to so that the kids are still able to see their daddy but I don't want to go, can't take my animals and will be losing my home here that I own. However, he is offering to pay for the rest of my nursing degree, which is one more year. However....I also have one more to throw into the mix. A few months ago my ex fiance came back into my life, charming as ever and no I left him for reasons of respect and running away, not because he ever really did me wrong. He is my oldest girls father and though it shouldn't matter, a multimillionaire. He is calling every day, saying I deserve better, and wants me to move back home and is offering me the world. I am a realist and worry that I am letting to many options effect my decisions and each one has so many negitives to positives that I am starting to worry I am losing it. I know I have always loved my daughters father but I had to get out, married my best friend (my husband) and he has a good heart but even he knows I have never loved him as he does me. And then there is the one that does own my heart but finds now ever excuse that we shouldn't be together though he is still here every day, telling me he loves me and that I shouldn't ever give up my dreams. WHAT DO I DO???? I need solid advice not put downs or told I am being selfish because I already feel that way. I need honesty and someone to just be the friend that I don't seem to have right now as I can't admit I have three guys who say they love me, three states to chose to live and every one with advantages and disadvantages. I know most girls would feel honored but I am stunned, confused and in need of a serious "friend" who understands this does affect my heart and children but can be honest. Thanks in advance...
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