smackdown85 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Hey everyone, this is a small but good story so please read and give me some advice! I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. For the first 1.5 years she went to college about 2 hours away from me and everything went great with no problems. We have only had one or two serious arguments but we settled them and everything was fine. I bought a house in my city a couple months before she graduated and the plan was for her to move in with me after graduating (we had lived together for a few months over one of the summers already). The plan didnt work quite as planned because she got a job that required her to temporarily relocate for a year for training purposes to a city that is 1500 miles away. After the training, she will be back in our hometown. We had already had experience with a LDR for pretty much our whole relationship, so we decided to stay together because we are both truly in love and eventually want to get married. My problem now is communication. She has a pretty hectic work schedule, putting in around 60-70 hours per week. When she first moved away, communication was good; she would call me every day and we would talk for around 15 min or so (she's not a phone person so she doesn't like to stay on the phone for a real long time). The trend was that she would call me most of the time because her work schedule was more hectic than mine. 6 months has passed so far, and I am really concerned with our communication. The last 2 months or so, she only calls me every other day. Also, during the first 3 months when we would talk, she would say how much she missed me and that she can't wait to see me again. Again,for the last 2 months or so she doesn't say things like that anymore. When we talk, she talks about her day, I say what I did, and then she says ok im tired im going to bed ill call you tomorrow. But then she doesnt call me the next day when she says shes going to, it ends up being the next day after that at a random time. I've brought up to her before about how she doesn't call me as much as she used to and she says "I'm sorry I know I've been a bad girlfriend, I'll do better I promise." But then she doesn't do better, it's the same old stuff. I just get the feeling like she doesn't appreciate our relationship anymore, or that she doesn't appreciate me enough to just make a 10 minute phone call everyday. I feel like I'm number 2 to her job and that her having to call me is a chore for her. I don't feel like she gets enjoyment or happiness from talking to me. What do you guys think? Is that too much to ask or am I over reacting? Any advice from you guys would be appreciated.
TMichaels Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I just get the feeling like she doesn't appreciate our relationship anymore, or that she doesn't appreciate me enough to just make a 10 minute phone call everyday. I feel like I'm number 2 to her job and that her having to call me is a chore for her. I don't feel like she gets enjoyment or happiness from talking to me. What do you guys think? Is that too much to ask or am I over reacting? Any advice from you guys would be appreciated. You're overreacting. Your life has changed very little since she left. Hers is different in every way. You want things to be as they were. She's trying her best. Give her some slack. And, plan yourself a little trip to go out and see her to remind her what's waiting for her at home once her training junket is through. Best, TMichaels
Author smackdown85 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Actually I recently stopped working so I can finish school, so my life has changed a little bit lol. We see each other every 2 months roughly. She will be back in December permanently. Thanks for your advice. I agree with what you say, but even though it still bothers me, should I say anything to her? Or do i just need to suck it up and not say anything and just deal with it?
wingk1314 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 yeh, I agree that you might be over-reacting. As you said, she's got a hectic work schedule so most likely she's just too tired. You should send her a card telling her to take care and don't over work herself.
Author smackdown85 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Posted July 23, 2008 I think the thing that bothers me is not really the amount of phone calls per week, its the quality of the calls. She doesn't say affection things like "I miss you" or "I can't wait to see you" anymore. She used to say things like that. I don't think she appreciates me anymore either. For example, her phone has been broken for a week and she had time to go to the phone store yesterday to get it fixed. I called up there in advance to get everything set up so she could just walk in and get it swapped quickly. Well she didn't even go to the store yesterday after I went through all that and she didn't call me last night either from her house phone. She FINALLY called me tonight from her cell and left a voicemail saying she got her phone fixed and she would call me tomorrow. What do you guys think about her not appreciating me anymore?
TMichaels Posted July 23, 2008 Posted July 23, 2008 I think the thing that bothers me is not really the amount of phone calls per week, its the quality of the calls. She doesn't say affection things like "I miss you" or "I can't wait to see you" anymore. She used to say things like that. Maybe it's because you're smothering her and you do enough of the "I love you," "I miss you" stuff for both of you... I don't think she appreciates me anymore either. For example, her phone has been broken for a week and she had time to go to the phone store yesterday to get it fixed. I called up there in advance to get everything set up so she could just walk in and get it swapped quickly. Well she didn't even go to the store yesterday after I went through all that and she didn't call me last night either from her house phone. She FINALLY called me tonight from her cell and left a voicemail saying she got her phone fixed and she would call me tomorrow. What do you guys think about her not appreciating me anymore? Are you her parent or her boyfriend? True, it's great that you would go to such great lengths to make usual and customary annoyances to be less so, but she may not appreciate your gestures because it seems like you are trying to run her life. Plus, she may see your effort to get her phone repaired as a bit self-serving. Afterall, if it's broken, that means you two can't communicate via her cell phone. Who would be more upset by that? My guess is, you. smackdown85, the quickest and often most effective way to get someone to appreciate what you do for them is simple: STOP DOING IT! If she cares for you and your role in her life, she'll notice and reform her ways. If she doesn't, you'll have a big clue as to whether *she* deserves to continue to be in YOUR life. HTH, TMichaels
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