EyeAlone Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 I'm back again with more problems. I've posted here in the past about my boyfriend and myself. We've been dating for almost 2 years. For the first year, we were in a long distance relationship. Then we moved in together. My boyfriend and I have had conflicts on my ability to converse. I tend to be a quiet person and I sometimes hesitate to voice my opinion on certain things because I have a fear of being shot down. This was the story of my life when I was a child. Teachers, parents, and friends would mock me or go berserk if I said something that they didn't like. On the other hand, my boyfriend is very opinionated. We've had disagreements before about my hesitation but it hasn't happened for a while. However, yesterday I hesitated and it annoyed my boyfriend. He told me that the relationship will never work if I keep hesitating. That comment really stung. I'm trying my best and I've told my boyfriend that but he says that I need to stop trying and just do it. But I'm really worried that my boyfriend is having doubts about the relationship. I don't know what to do. I've been to years of counseling for my conversing skills and nothing worked. Any help will be greatly appreciated!!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 I can relate. Although I can be quite opinionated on this forum, I tend to be far less opinionated with boyfriends. I actually get really stressed out when i have to speak up for myself in a relationship, whether discussing politics or the state of our coupling. So here is my question. How do you feel when he expresses dismay with your ability to voice your opinion? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells? Does he do anything to make you feel more comfortable, or less? If you feel ill at ease with your boyfriend, then that does not sound like a warm and nurturing relationship. Maybe it is time to rethink this thing.
LoveLace Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 What was it that you hesitated about? I don't know if it matters, but I'm curious. Was it something about the relationship? It can be hard to judge at times, when to keep your mouth shut or when to just speak up. So I understand how your feeling. You've told your bf that you are working on it, and that's about all you can do I think. And you have to do that your way, and no one else's way. Do what feels comfortable, but make effort to step outside the comfort zone sometimes, and when you start feeling satisfactory results, it will probably start to come easier. Next you feel hesitant, just ignore it and go for it. But your boyfriend should be a little more understanding that these things take time and it isn't going to change over night. Maybe for some that's possible, maybe for HIM that would be possible, but this is about you. I don't know if this helps at all what so ever but that's about all I can think of for you. good luck.
Author EyeAlone Posted July 20, 2008 Author Posted July 20, 2008 No, it wasn't anything about the relationship. He asked me a question about why I thought a character in a book held a certain belief. I hesitated with my answer and that's when the problem started.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Maybe you are a person who needs to think things through before you open your mouth. Nothing wrong with that.
LoveLace Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Maybe you are a person who needs to think things through before you open your mouth. Nothing wrong with that. I agree! It isn't like you are his student and you'd better have an answer right away. He got annoyed over a discussion about a book? I think that is a bit ridiculous.
GPFan Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 It is good you moved in together because you are both learning that there is a mismatch here. He sounds controlling, are you OK with that? I hope you are not! If the two of you can't get past a discussion about a book, how will you ever handle money, children and many other life challenges? It may be time to step back and evaluate your relationship from a long-term point of view. Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?I am also interested in the answer to this question.
LoveLace Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I agree with GP that it sounds some on the controlling side. It's almost as if he wants you to change some part of your personality for him. and he should love you for who you are already. And if you do feel like its walking on eggshells, gosh that's no way to live.
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