IndependentlyAfraid Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Okay, this is a follow up on a previous post. To read the original story, click here. Now, I know I had not given an update... the reason, I was doing it my slow, stubborn way. Guess what happened?? He lied again. He went out of town for a "work trip" but was "unavailable" to call the entire time he was there... real busy, you know... I knew it from day 2 that he was gone that he was with her. So for the rest of his trip, I text him like crazy, asking why he wasn't calling, pretty much trying to make him stay constantly nervous about me being upset. I knew he was with her and I wanted to make sure he was uncomfortable the entire time. I didn't tell him I knew, but I narrowed down his flight return time, parked in the parking lot of her apts and waited. I sat in my car for almost 3 hours but I saw them. Him, helping her unload her luggage into her apt. No doubt he was going to call me as soon as he left her place to say how much he missed me. Before you think I did some crazy psycho confrontation like you would see on daytime tv, I didn't... I just "accidentally" set off my car alarm so that I would draw attention to myself. So he would see me. And then... I left. Needless to say he was at my house in less than 20 minutes... we argued... I cried, he cried... blah blah blah... Anyway... its over. But here is my question... I know that he is going to continue on seeing her now that I am gone. Keep in mind... I knew about her the entire time, she NEVER knew about me. She seems (through random things like Myspace) like a really nice girl... someone who really thinks she has found "true love". I want SO bad to tell her... because I feel like it some kind of karma thing... like if I let her go along and think everything is fine, I will receive hurt again one day because I wasn't honest. And if I am completely honest... there is also a part of me that thinks he shouldn't be allowed to continue with a relationship... with his "backup girl"... not while I am sitting, trying to heal a broken heart. So what are your thoughts? Tell her, or just leave the entire situation alone and move on? (FYI... this is all very fresh... the breakup just happened last weekend.)
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Leave it alone. Forget him. You've ended it with him so telling her, getting involved will just bring more drama into your life. It isn't worth it. Yeah I know you want him to suffer and hurt, but at the end of the day, does it matter? What should count is, this guy is no longer in your life to hurt you, to make you feel bad about you. You're free!
theobserver Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 I understand how you say the OP shouldn't tell the other girl and should focus on her healing but it's that kind of mentality why the human race is always screwed up. " People are starving.. no access to clean water what a touching donation advert. Well not my problem I think I'll order pizza tonight" , " Julia just walked off with 4 guys alone and they keep trying to get her drunk, well not my problem Im going to get a cab and just go home she'll be fine alone she's a big girl" Again not trying to be Mr Moral cop but she has the chance to let another human being be set free from a lie and choose is she wants to stay with OPs Ex or not. She has her Myspace so she can do it discreetly possibly and the OW can decide to believe it or not. This isn't about revenge, payback just informing someone of the truth. We all need to start helping eachother and stop being worried if someone will shoot the messenger.
Author IndependentlyAfraid Posted July 20, 2008 Author Posted July 20, 2008 That is how I feel... I made the decision myself to stay longer than I should of, and I was probably wrong for not telling her earlier. If she hears the story and decides to stay, then she is making a choice just like I made a choice. She has a daughter who is growing attached to him I think. She is a mom just like me and I was very careful not to let my son get close to him because he doesn't need a stand in dad - his dad is wonderful to him. Her daughter on the other hand has never known her dad and so I think she has started to put him in that role. As a mother, I feel like she needs to know. I just hate causing hurt and I know this is going to hurt her... I have never caused hurt to a perfect stranger (and been aware of it).
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