roghornio Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 hello. When does this stop going round and round your head? I am no longer in pain, i accept its over, i know she with someone else, she aint coming back. Its done. Its dead. So why does my mind keeping recalling her or events every couple hours- why wont it just let it rest? Months have passed since we split up, i keep myself quite busy , i been dating other girls, though i cant shake her from my thoughts. I dont even feel anything from there thoughts, for some reason my head just goes to her when its got nothing else to think about. I dont get it! Go away now please lol.
foxh1234 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 hello. When does this stop going round and round your head? I am no longer in pain, i accept its over, i know she with someone else, she aint coming back. Its done. Its dead. So why does my mind keeping recalling her or events every couple hours- why wont it just let it rest? Months have passed since we split up, i keep myself quite busy , i been dating other girls, though i cant shake her from my thoughts. I dont even feel anything from there thoughts, for some reason my head just goes to her when its got nothing else to think about. I dont get it! Go away now please lol. My mind does the same thing. I think our minds our processing everything and it will slowly stop. I am in the same place as you, I know it's over, I don't want her back but my mind runs wild with memories good and bad. Within the last 10 minutes, I had 3 things on TV trigger memories of her, lol. It is driving me crazy as well. This is happening less and less though and I think that you, like me are coming out of this thing. We just have to hang on and ride it out.
Peter_pan Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 its like this. dont think of a black cat. now what are you thinking of? i guess its just impossible to force something out of your mind. stuff still goes around my head to. i am just really excited about meeting someone new tbh. glad you have dated since. i havnt unfortunately lol
northstar1 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 My mind does the same thing. I think our minds our processing everything and it will slowly stop. I am in the same place as you, I know it's over, I don't want her back but my mind runs wild with memories good and bad. Within the last 10 minutes, I had 3 things on TV trigger memories of her, lol. It is driving me crazy as well. This is happening less and less though and I think that you, like me are coming out of this thing. We just have to hang on and ride it out. Ain't that the truth. There are about a billion triggers, tv shows, movies, music, restaurants etc. I'll be glad for the day when I can see those things, and just have a non-emotional memory, instead of that poignant nostalgia jab a needle.
Author roghornio Posted July 20, 2008 Author Posted July 20, 2008 its like this. dont think of a black cat. now what are you thinking of? i guess its just impossible to force something out of your mind. stuff still goes around my head to. i am just really excited about meeting someone new tbh. glad you have dated since. i havnt unfortunately lol I know once i find the next one all this will stop. Cant wait. Its tedious and starting to annoy me now. If its not my mind reminding me its visual or audio triggers. Stop please! As for the dating, noting came of it, one was a bit strange and the one i really liked blew me out me this weekend! Witch lol. So back to the drawing board. Thing is i am moving abroad in a few months so theres no point in starting anything, so i guess i may have to put up with this until then. But as usual the cosmos has a treat for me in that where i am going is full of triggers about her lol, so i really need it to have subsided by then or ill be off again! I wonder why our brains do this , maybe we becom addicted to love and when the source of that is gone it creates thoughts of that source for a hit. Dont know, its frustrating though! Especially as her mind certainly wont be bombarding itself of stuff about me.
orangehose Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 I know once i find the next one all this will stop. Cant wait. Its tedious and starting to annoy me now. .... I wonder why our brains do this , maybe we becom addicted to love and when the source of that is gone it creates thoughts of that source for a hit. Dont know, its frustrating though! Especially as her mind certainly wont be bombarding itself of stuff about me. I think it is like a chemical addiction that either needs to wear off or be replaced by a new fix. But it is really annoying. I hope it usually wears off without needing to be replaced, because really, it's uncomfortable to need another relationship to 'cure' one's repetitive thoughts. I have to say I'm doing better overall than a few months ago, but I still have plenty of relapses...
PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 But as usual the cosmos has a treat for me in that where i am going is full of triggers about her Isn't this the truth, it's enough to send you crazy! Sometimes it feels like the universe is playing a really fun game. Songs we had from years ago are making a comeback on mainstream radio, everyone new I meet has his name, people on the street look uncannily similar to him etc... Logically i know all these things were in the world before, I just didn't notice. Doesn't make it any easier though. Someone did try to explain this to me once. The gist of it was that your brain has your heartache stored as a major current event so it keeps replaying that. After a while, it becomes old news and is replaced by something more current and important. Not a great explanation I'm afraid, it was far better when they explained it. But basically, it should be superseded eventually as life naturally moves on.
sunshinegirl Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Someone did try to explain this to me once. The gist of it was that your brain has your heartache stored as a major current event so it keeps replaying that. After a while, it becomes old news and is replaced by something more current and important. Not a great explanation I'm afraid, it was far better when they explained it. But basically, it should be superseded eventually as life naturally moves on. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t158750/
replicator Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Every time I try to think of date someone else, my old feelings for her always come up and leave me completely confused. It's as if I still only want her, as she sets the benchmark but it's so high, I don't know if anyone will ever match up to it. I am thinking I better get prepared for a long stint as a single. The silver lining is that I don't need to take care of anyone but myself.
Biker2007 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Rep, You just stated my biggest fear in meeting someone new...they will not measure up to my X. I have been out w/ a half dozen different girls since my X left, and I have felt nada for all of them. To be honest, I have felt nothing for a like time for anything... I am trying to have a better attitude about meeting somebody else, but I have been unsuccessful for now. And you have have the right attitude about making yourself happy. That should be priority #1...you achieve that and meeting someone new will take care of itself. Good luck
northstar1 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Every time I try to think of date someone else, my old feelings for her always come up and leave me completely confused. It's as if I still only want her, as she sets the benchmark but it's so high, I don't know if anyone will ever match up to it. I am thinking I better get prepared for a long stint as a single. The silver lining is that I don't need to take care of anyone but myself. I know exactly what you mean.
kizik Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 That's funny, it'll be easy for the next girl to outdo my ex: all she'll have to do is be kind and respectful, and she'll be miles ahead of the ex already.
Author roghornio Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 It’s funny how this stuff works. The 2 that were the must fun for me – about a fortnight after I split up I was cleaning up my house and lifted up a cusion of the chair and there was a hair band thing, those little bands girls use for pony tails or what not… anyways , I swear to god for about 3 weeks everywhere I went there was hair band things on the street, at my work – even one in the stairs to my house. Must have seen 2 or 3 a day. I still see them but it doesn’t bother me know , but back then it was like some cosmic Joke. Also there’s this one song – an old song, on our first date it played a big part. I’ve never really heard this song in public, it’s from the early 70’s… and whilst we were dating I never heard it again… until the week we broke up. Every time I met her (3 times) since then it’s came on whilst I’ve been with her. Now that’s spooky!! But probably not really. Anyways today is not too bad, took a good 2 hours before she popped into my head this morning. As I say I don’t even have any feelings anymore. It’s just thoughts of things we did or whatever replaying in my head. What is interesting however though is I’ve noticed that it’s regressing in the relationship – i.e when we split I thought about the end of the relationship, what went wrong etc, the past few months I d been thinking about all the good times in the middle, and now I seem to be thinking about the start of it, like the thought this morning was the day I met her… I’m really hoping that my heads playing it all out in reverse and I’m at the end…
PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Roghornio, i'm with you on the insane madness of the universe. Another cosmic joke for me this morning. I recently joined facebook and have just been investigating the 'owned' bit. Seems I was bought yesterday by a guy with my exes first name, and this morning I have been bought off him by another guy with my exes surname. The thing is I don't know either of them? Not sure how it works yet, but it's defo weird. Cosmic foolery in action! At least I can laugh at it, I mean what are the chances seriously!
8ball_lynn Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Do you think these feelings about the ex will stop only when you find someone else - I mean really find the one before you can be truly over the ex? Or would you be incapable of finding or seeing "the one" right in front of you until you stop thinking about and are really over the ex???? I think that if they had made a real impact on your life, and they must have or we wouldn't be grieving over them, that we will never get them completely out of our heads... I mean they are a part of our history, a part of us, they took a part of us with them when they left...???? i dunno... but that doesn't seem very fair for the next person to come along, does it???
sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Do you think these feelings about the ex will stop only when you find someone else - I mean really find the one before you can be truly over the ex? Or would you be incapable of finding or seeing "the one" right in front of you until you stop thinking about and are really over the ex???? I think that if they had made a real impact on your life, and they must have or we wouldn't be grieving over them, that we will never get them completely out of our heads... I mean they are a part of our history, a part of us, they took a part of us with them when they left...???? i dunno... but that doesn't seem very fair for the next person to come along, does it??? A friend used to say that we can often get to 85-90% healed on our own, but that sometimes the last 10-15% of healing doesn't come until we've met someone new who makes us forget about the ex. I've found that to be true, and I don't think it's being "unfair" to the next person. I think it's just reality.
Author roghornio Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 A friend used to say that we can often get to 85-90% healed on our own, but that sometimes the last 10-15% of healing doesn't come until we've met someone new who makes us forget about the ex. I've found that to be true, and I don't think it's being "unfair" to the next person. I think it's just reality. I’ve found this to be true everytime! Always pine for the last in some way or another till the next shows up.
northstar1 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I’ve found this to be true everytime! Always pine for the last in some way or another till the next shows up. Totally. Right now I'd like to drop some napalm onto that little corner of the memory banks that likes to keep the ex feature film on constant replay in my head.
foxh1234 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 When we first broke up I would try and suppress the memories of her when they popped in my mind. Once I started letting them pop in and out when they wanted to, they slowed down alot and now hardly ever pop in my mind. It has been 4 months. I think as soon as we let the memories flow, they will start to go away. I still think of her, but not nearly as much as last month.
northstar1 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 When we first broke up I would try and suppress the memories of her when they popped in my mind. Once I started letting them pop in and out when they wanted to, they slowed down alot and now hardly ever pop in my mind. It has been 4 months. I think as soon as we let the memories flow, they will start to go away. I still think of her, but not nearly as much as last month. I agree, but some days are worse than others. Mornings are killer, by afternoon it usually tapers off.
iwish Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I agree, but some days are worse than others. Mornings are killer, by afternoon it usually tapers off. I agree with that!, why are mornings so bad? I just don't get it...
sunshinegirl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I agree with that!, why are mornings so bad? I just don't get it... I don't know, but mornings are THE ABSOLUTE WORST. My very first thought, even before I'm fully awake, is of the relationship and of me trying to sort everything out. It's horrible. Awful. Hate it.
mousse Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Totally. Right now I'd like to drop some napalm onto that little corner of the memory banks that likes to keep the ex feature film on constant replay in my head. So true...I read a book recently about the mechanisms of falling in love : what happens in your brain when you fall in love etc... very interesting. Apparently, love is as addictive as heroin and activates the same areas in your brain. That may explain all the crazy things our brain does after the break up. We can't go back to our normal state after having felt such feelings, we really need this weird transition phase. I also used to think that we would only be completely healed when we fell in love again. But this is not true in my case ( which surprises me, since I tend to think about people for a long time) : I haven't talked to my ex since so long ( 1 year and half) that I don't really think about him anymore, even though I haven't fallen in love with anyone new. So there's hope, maybe the brain just needs a little bit of time and absence from the other person in order to recover and not necessarily a new person in your life. Here's a video about what the brain does when it's in love and after break up : minutes 5 : 35 to 8:00 what the brain does when you've been rejected in love
iwish Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I don't know, but mornings are THE ABSOLUTE WORST. My very first thought, even before I'm fully awake, is of the relationship and of me trying to sort everything out. It's horrible. Awful. Hate it. Me too!, i wake up every day stupidly early (for no reason!) and she is in my head. That's when i'm most tempted to break NC.. It really is a pain in the backside and it's frustrating as it can ruin your whole day!! but it tends to lessen in the afternoon..
northstar1 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I don't know, but mornings are THE ABSOLUTE WORST. My very first thought, even before I'm fully awake, is of the relationship and of me trying to sort everything out. It's horrible. Awful. Hate it. I agree. It's bizzare. I can go to bed at night in a good mood about things, then i wake up and it's like my brain reset over night and all the melancholy returns and i struggle to keep focussed. Does anyone else think in the mornings they might never wake up again and feel great? Or that they are going insane?
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