Yeah, they still think about us.

[borelandkaren]

I don't care what anyone says, I know they all still think about us. Every time a song comes on the radio that we liked, or the way you related to something that they said, or the things that they knew that amused you. While it all feels like **** to some at the moment, I refuse to believe that anyone can just stay and spend multiple years with someone and walk away and not be affected by that time. Every relationship has it's intimate moments where both partners are affected by the same thing at the same time and they become a special memory. For us as well, for sure but it's something that they shared with us. And if we're affected by it, of course they're going to, too. Tony and I were together for the majority of our relationship 24/7. No-one can tell me that I didn't make a huge impact on this mans' life and heart and in leaving and doing it the way I did I rendered him powerless to be able to pursue me. I know that he ate his heart out after I left, even though he also filled up my space with as many new things as he could to ease the pain. I understand that all of our situations are different but the one common denominator in every relationship of love that happens are intimate moments at the beginning. And these are, a lot of times the moments that hold our relationships together, even when they're fractured and broken. Years after they should be left, we limp along with them hoping to see even a fragment of what happened at the beginning. And if you can turn it around, all power to you but there are also a lot of victims. But, never make the assumption that they don't think about the things they laughed about with you, remembering the way your body felt when they moulded into you in sleep, all the shared moments that brought about feelings of love and bliss and pain and passion. We all made a huge impression in some way, shape or form and can hold onto that, until we meet the next person and people who, by our association, we'll also help to mould the future of in some way, no matter how small.

[kizik]

Thanks for writing this karen, you're right. They do think about us. I hope this fact makes it easier. We're important and meaningful people in their lives. Do they like us? Love us? Hate us? We'll never know, because contacting them is in our worst interest.

 

"Never make the assumption that they don't think about the things they laughed about with you, remembering the way your body felt when they moulded into you in sleep, all the shared moments that brought about feelings of love and bliss and pain and passion."

 

You are quite right. We played a large and important part in the lives of our boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives. I'm so tired of ex. I'm not a cliche, I'm just a person, and the person I loved is out there somewhere regretting it, too.

[foxh1234]

I know she still thinks about me. I want to get to the point where I don't care anymore. I am not quite there yet though.

[northstar1]

I know she still thinks about me. I want to get to the point where I don't care anymore. I am not quite there yet though.

 

I hear you. I will really never know if she does much though, and guess that's the best thing in the end.

[Peter_pan]

nice words, but i am at the stage where i dont care if she does or dosnt. wooohoo!!! how good is that to be able to say that. I know that even though that girl the other night isnt into me like i thought she was, i know that it was easy for me to be attracted to her and if it had gone further i would have been very happy. there is no going back for me with the ex now.

[ioncebelieved]

I agree with this BK!!! How could the exes not?? I mean we were great to them!!! We were attentive, romantic, we cared, we sexed them perfect and we gave 100 percent!!

 

You damn right they think of us and as times goes on and we continue gone using the only option we have left, NC, it will get worse for them!!!

 

I don't know about the rest here, but I was amazing for the most part other than doing silly crap because I let someone get the best of me!!!

 

If you were really great, they DO THINK ABOUT US!!!

[northstar1]

nice words, but i am at the stage where i dont care if she does or dosnt. wooohoo!!! how good is that to be able to say that. I know that even though that girl the other night isnt into me like i thought she was, i know that it was easy for me to be attracted to her and if it had gone further i would have been very happy. there is no going back for me with the ex now.

 

Big steps Peter - great job. That's the key, finding someone new to occupy that space in your head the ex's is camped out in.

[sunshinegirl]

I don't know that it helps me to know he still thinks about me. I mean, in a certain way it's comforting. Then again, my ex has never been sentimental and he doesn't really reminisce about "old times". So in my case, it's entirely possible he's just blocked everything out. Whatever. If he can block me out so easily, then he's somebody who doesn't feel very deeply to begin with.

[orangehose]

I don't know that it helps me to know he still thinks about me. I mean, in a certain way it's comforting.

 

Yeah, I have the same mixed feelings. I mean, most likely, he still has thoughts of me every now and then. But it's bothersome to think that those thoughts don't provoke him to at least contact me. Sometimes I prefer to think that he's just too awful to care.

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

But it's bothersome to think that those thoughts don't provoke him to at least contact me. Sometimes I prefer to think that he's just too awful to care.

 

Yeah this is pretty much where I am at. I can listen to our songs now without crying etc... (if i'm sober at least) but he will always be the first person I think of when I hear them. I like to think he too is being tortured daily by the radio in the same way, but I have to doubt it. I have to think he doesn't care or remember right now. I tell myself that he's numb right now (as he walked straight into a new relationship), but that one day it will hit him like it has me, and he will be flooded by the memories.

 

But yes, I agree they probably do think of us in some way.

[kizik]

It's tempting to write your ex off as inhuman, unaffected, happy and carefree now that you're out of their life. This is simply unrealistic. Why do I imagine she's laughing victoriously, hating me, eternally glad she got ride of me? It's just untrue. She's got a lot in her life to distract her, but she has moments of silence each night before bed just like anyone else.

 

The truth is that I was there for her every day of her life for three years. Now I'm not. She can replace me with a variety of people and things, but what I brought to her life was selfless (overly so), caring and unconditional. Eventually conditions came into play when I couldn't tolerate her neglect.

 

Realize you were important, still are, and will always be. That doesn't mean they dwell on you, or even that they think they made a bad choice. What it does mean is that you're being silly if you ever assume their life is magically, 100% better now that you're not in it. As far as contact, they don't get a hold of you b/c they're trying to heal, too. B/c they're proud, and don't want to be the one putting themselves up for rejection. You can't expect your ex to contact you if YOU are not willing to contact them. Just b/c they "wronged" you does not obligate them to reach out. Quite the opposite, often times people run from their mistakes and don't look back. The reasons are varied, but often include guilt. I had an ex write me a month ago, talking about, "I will always regret the way I treated you." This, five years after we had split. People with a conscience DO realize their mistakes, but if often takes a long, long time. By the time they apologize, we have far reached the shores of indifference.

[Nevermind]

Kizik: for me it's reality. He is an uncaring, unaffected bastard. He always was and I just never knew. Not even taking the cheating into account here. But I get your point. In many situations it's different. Not everyone was with G.

 

Actually, this does make things so much easier. All I need to deal with is my self-worth and not with missing him.

 

Is he thinking about me? Yes. Obviously, since he contacted me again. Positive thoughts? No way. It just so happens that he is wrong and many of his thoughts are based on lies he told himself. So, there you go. He can think what he wants. He will always miss something in his life, no not me: integrity and inner freedom.

 

Who should be thinking about me: me, myself and I. Time for egotastic pleasure and being good to yourself.

[e.clipse]

yes, i tend to agree that exes, even if they were the ones who broke things off, will still think of you here and there, for some time to come. after all, for most people, it is only natural: after spending so much time and so many intimate moments with one person, you are likely to miss them a good deal after they are no longer there.

 

so, yea, sure, they think about us.

 

i know PP thinks about me still. i know he misses me still. and i know he even has some feelings for me still.

 

in fact, i know that last weekend when he was high out of his mind, he "saw" me there, in the midst of his subconscious, his hallucination.

 

but, let's be honest, they are just thoughts. they aren't the reality that many of us want, so taking comfort in them is just a different shade of denial.

[foxh1234]

It's tempting to write your ex off as inhuman, unaffected, happy and carefree now that you're out of their life. This is simply unrealistic. Why do I imagine she's laughing victoriously, hating me, eternally glad she got ride of me? It's just untrue. She's got a lot in her life to distract her, but she has moments of silence each night before bed just like anyone else.

 

The truth is that I was there for her every day of her life for three years. Now I'm not. She can replace me with a variety of people and things, but what I brought to her life was selfless (overly so), caring and unconditional. Eventually conditions came into play when I couldn't tolerate her neglect.

 

Realize you were important, still are, and will always be. That doesn't mean they dwell on you, or even that they think they made a bad choice. What it does mean is that you're being silly if you ever assume their life is magically, 100% better now that you're not in it. As far as contact, they don't get a hold of you b/c they're trying to heal, too. B/c they're proud, and don't want to be the one putting themselves up for rejection. You can't expect your ex to contact you if YOU are not willing to contact them. Just b/c they "wronged" you does not obligate them to reach out. Quite the opposite, often times people run from their mistakes and don't look back. The reasons are varied, but often include guilt. I had an ex write me a month ago, talking about, "I will always regret the way I treated you." This, five years after we had split. People with a conscience DO realize their mistakes, but if often takes a long, long time. By the time they apologize, we have far reached the shores of indifference.

 

Very well said Kiz, I agree 100%.

[kyta]

Well i know my x thinks off me, shes around town talking to everyone about me, blaming me, all my fault, (i didnt ask her to cheat) was strange yesterday i got a call form her sister, she was up for the wkend with the x, she told me shes not happy, she miserable all the time, she defend her new guy when shes told hes a user, she even told a friend last wk her life was shi*, welll grass aint allways greener, she even told her sister that this girl i was seen with is ugly lmao, shes a really pretty girl, has a lovely body and is 11yrs younger than the x, mind u i wouldnt expect her to say anything nice about her, but i know she thinks of me and i dont really care, my life has turned round in such a short time, but how could anyone forget us, no matter what happened we are a part of there life and no one can just forget.

[sultry33]

just remember back to the begining.. they probably talked about there exs..

used to drive you crazy?

 

of course they think about you.. cannot just delete memories, experiences good or bad.. but they are not thinking about you enough to return.. its harsh.. it sucks.. but its the truth.

 

sometimes i wish he would open up to someone... have a talk and need guidenance in his life and i hope that someone tells him he is a crazy fool for leaving me, as he is.. i loved him uncondionally.. i missed him, i was great to him.. i was a good wife without the marriage, a great friend.. i was his..

 

he has now lost me.. he choose the door.. now its shut..

 

of course i will think of him every day but he wont be my waking thought anymore;)

[replicator]

I don't know if she still thinks of me, though I assume she does.

 

I guess it doesn't help me to know.

 

I still think of her, every day. All the time.

 

It's been over three months now, but I don't see any end in sight when she'll be out of my mind. Goddamn, I loved her so much.

[Crazy.S]

I doubt my ex thinks of me. Maybe only to say that "I used to hate when he did this or that". I am pretty sure there is nothing good she thinks about me. It's really sad since I treated her so well, maybe I spoiled her. Oh well I don't ****ing care anymore. Last time we talked was 2-3 weeks ago and I pretty much said "I just want you to be happy". She told me she didnt want me to be mad at her for having a new bf already. I was just speechless and went NC. I think I kept some dignity, but really I am kinda disgusted. Somewhat spiteful and hating. Logically I think it will leave the door open for friendship sometime. So whether she thinks of me or not, at least we are still on good terms. If I ever come around and want to be friends.

[borelandkaren]

I don't know if she still thinks of me, though I assume she does.

 

I guess it doesn't help me to know.

 

I still think of her, every day. All the time.

 

It's been over three months now, but I don't see any end in sight when she'll be out of my mind. Goddamn, I loved her so much.

 

Ditto, darl. It's been 4 for me and he comes on really strong some days and not so much others. I've thrown away my dakka. It made me think too much and I don't want to think those things. I know I need to move on and until I started smoking again, I was doing just that. I've put my recovery back a little bit but now I've halted that. I don't want him back in my life, so anything that makes me think of him in kind terms is history. I know where I'm going and what I'm doing for the first time in my life so falling back into bad habits is not something that I think I'll be doing. Not permanently anyway. I thought I could handle smoking dope again but this is not the case. That **** doesn't work for me. I turn into a dope fiend really quickly (so I've noticed) and I have too much ambition now to let this happen. So it's onwards and upwards again, this time permanently dope free. :)

[selena_cat]

It's tempting to write your ex off as inhuman, unaffected, happy and carefree now that you're out of their life. This is simply unrealistic. Why do I imagine she's laughing victoriously, hating me, eternally glad she got ride of me? It's just untrue. She's got a lot in her life to distract her, but she has moments of silence each night before bed just like anyone else.

 

The truth is that I was there for her every day of her life for three years. Now I'm not. She can replace me with a variety of people and things, but what I brought to her life was selfless (overly so), caring and unconditional. Eventually conditions came into play when I couldn't tolerate her neglect.

 

Realize you were important, still are, and will always be. That doesn't mean they dwell on you, or even that they think they made a bad choice. What it does mean is that you're being silly if you ever assume their life is magically, 100% better now that you're not in it. As far as contact, they don't get a hold of you b/c they're trying to heal, too. B/c they're proud, and don't want to be the one putting themselves up for rejection. You can't expect your ex to contact you if YOU are not willing to contact them. Just b/c they "wronged" you does not obligate them to reach out. Quite the opposite, often times people run from their mistakes and don't look back. The reasons are varied, but often include guilt. I had an ex write me a month ago, talking about, "I will always regret the way I treated you." This, five years after we had split. People with a conscience DO realize their mistakes, but if often takes a long, long time. By the time they apologize, we have far reached the shores of indifference.

 

while parts of this is true, i have to disagree,if they wronged you,walked out on you or rejected you in anyway, then NC is best and the person to reach out is them. Doesnt mean they are obligated but nether am I,or anyone who has been hurt-why would you reach out to someone whose made it clear that youre not important enough for them to be with? sure you can reach out and be friends, but where does that get you,there a thing call self respect, you if someone does not want to be in your life thats their choice and right,but lets be honest,this post is about wondring if they do think about us which is normal. that is why NC is truly the best afetr a breakup-and if they do think about us, then like that author of "Its breakup cuz its Broken" wrote,as i reiterate let them be the one to reach out, he walked away not me.

[sunshinegirl]

while parts of this is true, i have to disagree,if they wronged you,walked out on you or rejected you in anyway, then NC is best and the person to reach out is them. Doesnt mean they are obligated but nether am I,or anyone who has been hurt-why would you reach out to someone whose made it clear that youre not important enough for them to be with? sure you can reach out and be friends, but where does that get you,there a thing call self respect, you if someone does not want to be in your life thats their choice and right,but lets be honest,this post is about wondring if they do think about us which is normal. that is why NC is truly the best afetr a breakup-and if they do think about us, then like that author of "Its breakup cuz its Broken" wrote,as i reiterate let them be the one to reach out, he walked away not me.

 

Kiz isn't recommending anything other than NC... read it again.

[Nevermind]

Kizik will advocate breaking NC the same day when I'll get back with my ex: when hell freezes over.

[orangehose]

 

Realize you were important, still are, and will always be. That doesn't mean they dwell on you, or even that they think they made a bad choice. What it does mean is that you're being silly if you ever assume their life is magically, 100% better now that you're not in it. As far as contact, they don't get a hold of you b/c they're trying to heal, too. B/c they're proud, and don't want to be the one putting themselves up for rejection. You can't expect your ex to contact you if YOU are not willing to contact them. Just b/c they "wronged" you does not obligate them to reach out. Quite the opposite, often times people run from their mistakes and don't look back. The reasons are varied, but often include guilt. I had an ex write me a month ago, talking about, "I will always regret the way I treated you." This, five years after we had split. People with a conscience DO realize their mistakes, but if often takes a long, long time. By the time they apologize, we have far reached the shores of indifference.

 

Wow, thank you for that insightful, intelligent reality check. Yes, it's as unrealistic to think that they're blissed out now without us, as it is to fantasize that they're huddled in a corner constantly crying.

 

You should compile some of your posts into some sort of post-breakup handbook.

[kizik]

Thanks you guys. Thanks orangehose, that means a lot to me.

[CailinPig]

my ex told me he thinks about me everyday. its true.