FissionSt Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Hello everyone! I am 20 years old and living in Salt Lake City, Utah. I need your collective advice. When I was growing up, I met a girl in the 8th grade. Me and her became friends and eventually we started dating. This relationship went on for 6 years and we care about each other a great deal. We are two very different people, however and do not see eye to eye for the most part. Cut to December 2007, I go to a party with my girlfriend at the time as well as with some mutual friends of ours and we have a good time, I get a few drinks in me and I start to mingle with some people I haven't seen in quite some time. A lovely young female comes in with a supposed boyfriend and another friend. We are the same age and an attraction was there, however neither of us really act on it and the night passes. The next day, I find her on myspace after some investigation. We start talking and discover we have some stuffs in common. We hang out and we have fun. It's fairly innocent and my girlfriend at the time knows and doesn't mind that I have a friend who is a girl. However, months pass and things change between me and this other girl. We start seeing eachother more and more often. I notice that I can loosen up and be myself around her more so than my official significant other at the time, which for me being such an introvert, is a big big deal. I relish feelings for her and she does for me. We have so much in common it's frightening. I come to terms with the fact that she's all I can think about. Her friends are aware of her feelings for me and try to talk her out of it, saying that I'm garbage for treating my current girlfriend like this,(and theyre right I know), she tells her friends that she's since stopped talking to me. This is a lie, as we continue to see each other. I spend the night at this girls house and the cat comes out of the bag. Me and my girlfriend go on hiatus. This is good for me and the girl whose house I am at, however bad it hurt me to lose that relationship of so long. I go home and my now ex-girlfriend wants to talk to me. I accept, not wanting to lose a friend of that caliber. We go to the mall, as she has to buy some shoes for school. We talk about the issue at the time, what's been going on, and such. We come to terms about it and things are fine. Little did I know was that the other girl was working at the mall that night, and word got to her that I was there with my supposed ex. That's when things go downhill. She (the 'other' girl) notably stops talking to me as often, which tortures me for reasons not important now. Taking this as hostility, I become afraid of my prospected lonliness and get back together with my ex out of fear that the 'other' has moved on. Cut to last week. I get this unbearable feeling to talk to 'other' girl and tell her how I feel about her (It was never said before). I cannot find her. I spend literally all night looking for her. I sleep in my car and almost get a ticket. I eventually find her the next day and talk to her. She seems unreceptive and then leaves with her new boyfriend, a friend of hers since middle school. I do everything I can to get a hold of her. She cuts all ties with me and moves on. The one thing you have to understand about her is that she wont talk to you unless she needs you for something. If she genuinely doesnt want to talk to you, she wont. I am at work several days later, trying to forget my life and how I lost it all. She calls, and I take the call in the backroom. She proceeds to tell me some information that ruins my life. She says she loves me and I broke her heart. I end up becoming too emotional to operate at my job and go home after my shift is over. She texts me now and then, and calls here and there. So I dont know what to think. She knows my direction and how I feel. However I can't figure out what to do. Having lost everything except my family, my car, and my job, do I win back the girl I know I love or do I keel over and live miserably? Sorry for the wall of text. I am open to any suggestions. Thank you for reading.
KinAZ Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I'm a hopeless romantic. And while I think what you did was painfully naughty, I'll try my best to help. I think you should be totally honest with the other girl. And if you're just afraid of being alone... I think you're better off sucking it up. It's a gamble, but you have to decide which you want more. She wasn't right for her involvement with a man who was already involved in the first place, BUT, personally, I wouldn't listen to a man who is still with another woman, telling me that he wants to be with me. If you REALLY want the other girl, cut your loses, take some time from current GF, get out of that relationship, and spill your guts and all your innards out to the other girl. I don't think it's totally fair to be with someone not because you really want them, but because you get along well and you're used to one another. I could work. But if I were your GF and I knew about those feelings, I might want a break myself. I'm not sure how open minded your GF is, so you might not want to explain it all in detail to her. You might want to tell her how you really feel about her and that you need time to figure out what you really want. Yes, in that time current GF may move on. It could be that things never work out with the other girl and you realize that current GF is the one for you. It could be cold feet. I don't know. But if the feeling is that strong for you, I say do something about it, even if it's simply just being single for awhile.
Author FissionSt Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Wow. Thank you. I feel like I left some stuff out. I came clean to everyone. I told the GF about how I feel about the other and she wants a break. We still talk, but it's nothing like it was. I spilled my guts to the other girl as well as she would let me. So I don't know where to go from here. You may be right and I might just have to sit my life out for a while.
KinAZ Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I'm going to assume that you had a very close relationship with your GF. I mean, all couples aren't created equally, some have great friendships, romance aside, and for others once the flame is gone (so to speak) they don't have a leg to stand on anymore. If that's the case, I can understand why you wouldn't want to totally lose the GF. You told GF about the other girl, but did you tell her how you feel about HER? If you haven't maybe you should. I'm not suggesting this so that you're stringing her along, but it could be that you just need to clear your head a bit. And so, which ever direction you two go in down the road, you'll both make your choices knowing how the other really feels. As far as the other girl, that would probably drive me up the wall. Lack of communication is a pet peeve of mine. Have you tried writing her a letter or asking her out to talk recently? If so, just give it some time, and just use the quiet period to sort things out for yourself.
Touche Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Sorry, I just can't get past your title. Mid-life crisis? Are you planning on ending your life at 40? This is so cute. Reminds me of my younger days. I'm not going to be of any help because all I can tell you is that within probably 5 years you'll have forgotten all about these two girls. But ok, yeah. Go for the one you want now. Just don't expect it to last. Oh and try to enjoy your youth.
Author FissionSt Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Sorry, I just can't get past your title. Mid-life crisis? Are you planning on ending your life at 40? This is so cute. Reminds me of my younger days. I'm not going to be of any help because all I can tell you is that within probably 5 years you'll have forgotten all about these two girls. But ok, yeah. Go for the one you want now. Just don't expect it to last. Oh and try to enjoy your youth. I took up chain smoking so probably yeah.
Touche Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I took up chain smoking so probably yeah. Yikes! Funny, though. I do wish you well. Just go with your gut.
Author FissionSt Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Yikes! Funny, though. I do wish you well. Just go with your gut. Thank you. Thanks for the smiles.
Touche Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Thank you. Thanks for the smiles. Anytime. I'll try to be more serious next time you need advice.
MadDog Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Honestly I think this isn't as big of a deal as you might think. I get the impression you're a little on the dramatic side based on what you wrote but you have to realize that there will be many more girls in the future for you. Don't beat yourself up because it didn't work out with these two. MD
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