angie2443 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Sometimes it's that and sometimes people tell you what they want to tell you so you can shut up. I had to learn that. Could you be more specific?
Virgo1982 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Could you be more specific? I mean, the partner in the wrong knows they're wrong and denies any knowledge of wrong-doing and/or insists on the innocence of the relationship to get the other partner off of their back.
Tomcat33 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Men don't recognize EA's as cheating only if they are the one having the EA. They get them very clearly if it's their wife who is having it! That is SO true!!!
Tomcat33 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I think this goes for both man and woman, and I'm not just talking about affairs. People often don't "get" something untill it happens to them. They they have that light bulb moment where everything becomes clear. Yeah but the lines are lot fuzzier when it is just an EA and men tend to feed into that grey area more than women. Like a lot of women find porn or cyber sex as cheating where as men not so much.
angie2443 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Yeah but the lines are lot fuzzier when it is just an EA and men tend to feed into that grey area more than women. Like a lot of women find porn or cyber sex as cheating where as men not so much. I get what you're saying, but I think the lines are more fuzzier when it's the men doing things that might be considered cheating as opposed to the women. Take the cyber sex thing. I know of no man that would put up with his girlfriend/wife engaging in cyber sex with another man. Many of these same men, however, would say it's no big deal if a married/commited man engage in cyber sex. I think there is a definant double standard here.
angie2443 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I mean, the partner in the wrong knows they're wrong and denies any knowledge of wrong-doing and/or insists on the innocence of the relationship to get the other partner off of their back. Ah, the old gas lighting trick. Now I understand. Yes, this is very true.
Tomcat33 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I get what you're saying, but I think the lines are more fuzzier when it's the men doing things that might be considered cheating as opposed to the women. Take the cyber sex thing. I know of no man that would put up with his girlfriend/wife engaging in cyber sex with another man. Many of these same men, however, would say it's no big deal if a married/commited man engage in cyber sex. I think there is a definant double standard here. I know that is exactly what I was saying, perhaps my wording was off! I was noting the double standard for some men. It's like the men that say I would never consider dating a "tramp" but I will definitely keep sleeping with them. Double standard all the way.
Owl Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 TC...honest question...and I want to preface this discussion with that since we've been on opposite sides so much lately. I get your point on the double standard that you described..."wouldn't date a "tramp", but would sleep with one". Would you consider it equally wrong of a woman to feel the same way about men who are "playa's" or whatever? Or like in Lizzie's case...she'll sleep with all these men who'll cheat with her...but would never date any of them (except her "young MM"...he's the exception of course). Thoughts? Again...honest question. Does that issue about this double standard apply both directions? (FWIW...I agree its a double standard...I personally can't imagine sleeping with someone I wouldn't date first...but that's me.)
Tomcat33 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 TC...honest question...and I want to preface this discussion with that since we've been on opposite sides so much lately. I get your point on the double standard that you described..."wouldn't date a "tramp", but would sleep with one". Would you consider it equally wrong of a woman to feel the same way about men who are "playa's" or whatever? Or like in Lizzie's case...she'll sleep with all these men who'll cheat with her...but would never date any of them (except her "young MM"...he's the exception of course). Thoughts? Again...honest question. Does that issue about this double standard apply both directions? If you are asking me personally, then yes of course it does. I personally don't want to sleep with or date a man that sluts around all the time as I don't do that myself, sexually speaking. If I sleep with a man it is because I am considering a long term possibility with him. I know however that it is wishful thinking to think men will be the same because they are not but I would not want a man that purposely uses women for sex and then writes them off. That I find disgusting. I was on a date a few weeks ago with a guy that said to me "I know it is a double standard but if a woman sleeps with me early on I lose interest, I feel if she was that easy with me she does this all the time" and we agreed on that topic. But by the end of the night I could not keep him off of me he was trying to plant a kiss on me....and was quite insistent even after I had said I did not kiss in first dates. So it is this idea that men push and push and push but ultimately they don't want us to give in and perhaps it is this very same notion that puts them in these fuzzy-lined predicaments to begin with moreso than women. In the case of someone like Lizzie or the male version of Lizzie I think it is different because they exclusively want no strings attached, they are not saying I want to form a relationship just not with those people I am using for sex, they tend to not want a relationship at all and I respect someone's choice to do that. What I don't respect is this hypocricy in that you can use people for sex but you SHOULD NOT consider them for anything more than just that. That to me is setting out to use people and I have hang-up with that. Anyway this is getting off topic now so to tie it back to the EA/PA thing I think men do have some fuzzier lines in terms of what is ok and what is not.
Virgo1982 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I get what you're saying, but I think the lines are more fuzzier when it's the men doing things that might be considered cheating as opposed to the women. Take the cyber sex thing. I know of no man that would put up with his girlfriend/wife engaging in cyber sex with another man. Many of these same men, however, would say it's no big deal if a married/commited man engage in cyber sex. I think there is a definant double standard here. I would probably cry laughing if I walked in on my mate having cyber sex. I would laugh and laugh and laugh. I might even ROFL.
angie2443 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I would probably cry laughing if I walked in on my mate having cyber sex. I would laugh and laugh and laugh. I might even ROFL. I never walked in on my husband having cyber sex, but I have walked in on him doing something else so I understand where you're comming from.
Virgo1982 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I never walked in on my husband having cyber sex, but I have walked in on him doing something else so I understand where you're comming from. Yeah, he would get so tired of me joking him...
Lookingforward Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Hopefully I'll never have to deal with either...but I'd be a lot more upset about an EA, someone my SO bonded with and formed an emotional attachment to, than someone he just physically shagged and never saw again.
Virgo1982 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Hopefully I'll never have to deal with either...but I'd be a lot more upset about an EA, someone my SO bonded with and formed an emotional attachment to, than someone he just physically shagged and never saw again. I concur. It presents a problem if he just feels he can bang anything he wants to all the time. A man like that is not worth having around anyway, but I'd more than likely feel extremely inadequate if my SO started an emotional affair with someone. First I'd sing, "what's he see in her that he doesn't see in me?" Then, I'd sing, "maybe next time he'll think before he cheats." Finally, I'd sing, "He wasn't man enough for me."
Lookingforward Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 I concur. It presents a problem if he just feels he can bang anything he wants to all the time. A man like that is not worth having around anyway, but I'd more than likely feel extremely inadequate if my SO started an emotional affair with someone. First I'd sing, "what's he see in her that he doesn't see in me?" Then, I'd sing, "maybe next time he'll think before he cheats." Finally, I'd sing, "He wasn't man enough for me." and all that singing can be avoided by first singing "are you strong enough to be my man" BEFORE getting involved
Virgo1982 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 and all that singing can be avoided by first singing "are you strong enough to be my man" BEFORE getting involved Aww, I like singing... Furthermore, when are you gonna hear a man say, "No, I'm a weak, no-good, lying peice of shyt." I kid. I kid. Anyway, there are usually signs. Some people do get blind-sided. Some people don't.
Lookingforward Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Aww, I like singing... Furthermore, when are you gonna hear a man say, "No, I'm a weak, no-good, lying peice of shyt." I kid. I kid. Anyway, there are usually signs. Some people do get blind-sided. Some people don't. Only when he thinks that's a sure fire way to get into your pants (and you're supposed to reply "why of course you're not")
Virgo1982 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Only when he thinks that's a sure fire way to get into your pants (and you're supposed to reply "why of course you're not") Well he'd be lying about lying. What a waste of skin.
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