tom12345 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 My girlfriend and I were together 10 months and she said the last month she wansnt happy and neither was I for that matter (stress). She got really scared of the future. I graduate in a year and her a semester after. I am 27 and she is 21 (I was in military). We love each other but she needs time to figure things out. She is afraid that I will hate her because she doesnt know what she wants. I don't like it but I will respect her decision. She said she kinda (doesn't know what she wants) wants to go back to being casual but not searching for other people either. Have fun like we used to. If we are broken up because she said "she needed time without me to figure stuff out" why does she still text and call me and want to poss. hang out? Do I initiate a NC or just keep it casual until she comes around. She wanted me to wait for her to figure it out, I said I cant be on the back burner. I want to wait but not fair to me. Any advice? Thanks
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I've been down this 'space' road before. A lot of people misinterpret what someone is saying when they bring this up. When I tried to talk to a bf about it once, he automatically assumed that I was trying to dump him nicely. And you're going to hear that in some of the replies here, too, I'm sure. I wasn't trying to dump him. I was going nuts because of the tremendous stress I was under at the time and had asked him to give me two days out of the month so that I could be alone. This became a conversation about how I didn't love him the way he loved me, blah, blah, blah.... Take her word for it that she's got a lot on her mind and really can't sift through it all right now. Taking time to herself can give her a clear head if you let it happen. I doubt that it has anything to do with you, but people think that when you're with someone, then you'll never have a need to do something for yourself, that you'll never need a break from everything. It's just not realistic. As far as whether you should wait for her, that's up to you. I mean what are you going to do, jump into another relationship right away? Just give her her space because if you don't, she will feel like she's suffocating. It may take about 3 mos for her to clear her head. If you both still want to be together by then, then go for it. Right now, it's a gamble and you don't know what's going to happen or even how you'll feel. But try to understand that she needs time to herself, whether you like that or not.
df273 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 This "space" thing is always vague and can have outcome which you do not expect. I am was hit with it 2 months ago and it did not end favorably. I would strongly suggest you respect her wishes at all times. If she messages or calls you, don't always answer or reply immediately. Miss some calls and delay some responses. This way she won't think you are waiting for the phone calls and such. Just as an advisory, be prepared for the worst, and if you would like, hope for the best. 2 months ago my ex-GF wanted "space". After 4 weeks, she already had someone move in to replace me. "space" is always a curve ball. I'm not knocking it, because i'm sure it is not always ending for the worst, but it is something to be concerned about. Best of wishes.
Author tom12345 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 to be honest I told her that if she needed time without me then it would be without me. I am not going to jump into another relationship but at the same time it is not fair to keep me around while not being with me. So now she has to make up her mind and decide what she wants. If it is me and I am still around then great, but for me to wait is not fair to me. Hope it does not take too long but preparing for the worst.
Melrapuo Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 to be honest I told her that if she needed time without me then it would be without me. I am not going to jump into another relationship but at the same time it is not fair to keep me around while not being with me. So now she has to make up her mind and decide what she wants. If it is me and I am still around then great, but for me to wait is not fair to me. Hope it does not take too long but preparing for the worst. Never anything wrong in assuming the worst. A.) It makes the let down a lot easier, if it does come, and B.) if she does come back, makes it so much sweeter. But at this point you still have to focus on you. Nobody should make you wait, it isn't fair in the first place. It's true that sometimes people do need time apart, and that things can work out, but it has to be mutual. Things will work out in the end; life goes on.
Crazy.S Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 df273 is right. I agree with everything he said. Don't rely too much on a good outcome. I had something similar, but she wasn't asking me to wait. Later I found out she was only "taking a break" because she didn't want to hurt me. She lied and gave me false hope. I was a fool and now I know better. Anyways your situation is probably not anything like mines. So try not to contact her and focus on other things. Keep your dignity. I am not going to say, "you never know she might come back". I don't want to give you false hope.
tanin84 Posted July 26, 2008 Posted July 26, 2008 "I've been down this '[COLOR=#ff0000]space[/COLOR]' road before. A lot of people misinterpret what someone is saying when they bring this up. When I tried to talk to a bf about it once, he automatically assumed that I was trying to dump him nicely. And you're going to hear that in some of the replies here, too, I'm sure. I wasn't trying to dump him. I was going nuts because of the tremendous stress I was under at the time and had asked him to give me two days out of the month so that I could be alone. This became a conversation about how I didn't love him the way he loved me, blah, blah, blah.... Take her word for it that she's got a lot on her mind and really can't sift through it all right now. Taking time to herself can give her a clear head if you let it happen. I doubt that it has anything to do with you, but people think that when you're with someone, then you'll never have a need to do something for yourself, that you'll never need a break from everything. It's just not realistic. As far as whether you should wait for her, that's up to you. I mean what are you going to do, jump into another relationship right away? Just give her her [COLOR=#ff0000]space[/COLOR] because if you don't, she will feel like she's suffocating. It may take about 3 mos for her to clear her head. If you both still want to be together by then, then go for it. Right now, it's a gamble and you don't know what's going to happen or even how you'll feel. But try to understand that she needs time to herself, whether you like that or not. " From Poster Angel1111 This is the reply that I think is the best kind of support. Most people on here are way too negative. Give her time. See if you can work on anything to improve yourself.
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