Dadubwa Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 There's four people involved in this mess that is my life. 1) Myself.. 2) My ex (Jackie). 3) My other ex (Wendy) *who I still have feelings for*. 4) and my Best Friend (Lisa). I'm technically single. Not dating anyone at all. Wendy and I have a history of on again off again. I have the most profound feelings for her and truly do love her. But about 5 years ago I cheated on her with Jackie (I know I know... no lectures). Jackie and I dated for awhile but it ended badly. We decided to keep in touch through text and e-mail but nothing else. Wendy and I have kept in touch each and everyday from the day we met. We're VERY close. We both love each other very much, but timing was never in our favor. I do one day plan on marrying her and being VERY happy with her. More recently Jackie broke up with her current lover and wanted to see me before I moved. (I'm moving to New York in about a week [from Florida]). I figured "what the hey, why not." .... So last night I went to a friends party with the intentions of visiting her and everyone else. Without going into much detail the second I got there I realized she was completely bombed. She was drunk and hanging ALL over me within the 10 minutes I got there. Things got a little to hot and heavy. She told me she missed me, she told me she loves me, she told me she always will. Now Jackie is a gorgeous girl, I wasn't about to say 'no' to anything that involved being close to her. We DIDN'T go all the way, I said 'no' to that because she was drunk. We fell asleep next to each other and it felt good...I've been pretty lonely. Here's the thing. If Wendy finds out about this I feel like I will have crushed her heart. I just spent the night frolicking in a bed with a girl who Wendy couldn't care less for (since ya know the whole cheating thing). Lisa (my best friend AND Wendy's best friend) is good friends with everyone who was at the party. If Lisa finds out she'll want to kill me, and then tell Wendy. Wendy will be upset...and who knows what else. I don't want to lose Wendy. I know I technically didn't cheat. But if I were to be romantic with anyone on this earth Wendy would hope that it wouldn't have been Jackie. And it was . I AM single, yet I can't shake the fact that I've let Wendy down. It just happened last night, and everyone who was there probably won't say a word about it. But if they do and if it gets around to Wendy....what do I do? No to mention Wendy is coming home this week (I haven't seen her since May, she's been at an out-of-state summer internship). Wendy plans on staying with me for three days...I have two HUGE hickies on my neck from last night. Anyone know how to get those gone? The last thing I need to do is explain to Wendy about my hickies and who they're from. I don't know what to do about Jackie...she probably said those things because she was drunk. And if not I didn't stick around this morning to wait and find out when she woke up. If the opportunity to see Jackie comes up again ... I'm honestly willing to see her again. I know I sound terrible and like I don't care about Wendy. But I'm only 20. I want to be 20 years old. I don't want to let Wendy down but I know some how in the back of my head; I am. I'm single. Yet I'm not. It's very frustrating. I just need someone's input ... I need someone to tell me "this is what I think is happening...this is what should happen". Thanks for reading I know this is long but I'm desperate.
angie2443 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Stay single till about 25. Tell the girls that you hook up with that you don't want to date excluselivly and that your not ready for commitment (this is the ethical and kind thing to do). Now, go out and explore the world, or go to college, or do something adventurous. You've got a lot of those so called wild oats to sew and this is why you sound so confused in these relationships and why your bouncing back and fourth between them. Give it some time, and when your settled down, then start thinking about serious relationships.
Kristine Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 If you love Wendy so much go choose to be with her for real, then you don't have this lingering feeling of cheating on her. If she doesn't take you back then you know it's over and can move on with your life completely. Good luck.
Aloros Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Agreed with angie. Despite your feelings for Wendy, it doesn't sound like you're ready for - or want - a serious relationship right now. I'm sure you care about Wendy very much, but you're just not in the mindset of forever-and-ever. And...you're 20. Who can blame you? Who wants to settle down with one person at 20? But if you're going to play that game, you should be honest to all parties involved. Otherwise, you're going to end up really hurting some feelings, including your own.
Lucky555 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 This is the reason why i don't trust a lot of guys! hahaha See its called being a player..nothing wrong with it but dont make promises you can't keep and hurt someone. You have a lot of hearts in your hands and maybe you should just be honest with yourself and what you want but make it clear to everyone of those girls what you want at this time. Don't give anyone false hope..such as the girl you love but your not in love cuz your hanging out with another girl. Your single why? Maybe you have yet to meet the one for you. However, its what you want just be careful.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Now Jackie is a gorgeous girl, I wasn't about to say 'no' to anything that involved being close to her. When you're really in love, it's not that hard to avoid this kind of temptation. It's the old "only have eyes for you" thing. I also get the feeling that, on some level, you enjoy all this drama, kind of a center-of-attention, "they're all fighting over me" thing. It goes with being 20 years old, nothing wrong with that. Just don't rush into anything permanet, you'll be surprised how different things will be at 25 and 30. Mr. Lucky
Author Dadubwa Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 I can see where you're all coming from. The think about Wendy is "she's the girl for me". Out of everyone I dated. Maybe I'm holding her to a high standard? Do you think I'm just settling in a way? Ya know as crummy as it seems, there's something very empowering of having girls think you're fantastic (even when you're not). I work very hard in relationships and it's good to see that the ex's don't forget about you as much as you thought they did. I wouldn't say I go around looking for this drama. In fact that night this all went down I was more pissed than anything that I let this happen...again. I am 20 years old. I am young. I love someone so much...yet I'm jeopardizing it by being 20 years old. Will I ever grow out of this crappy phase?
angie2443 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I can see where you're all coming from. The think about Wendy is "she's the girl for me". Out of everyone I dated. Maybe I'm holding her to a high standard? Do you think I'm just settling in a way? Ya know as crummy as it seems, there's something very empowering of having girls think you're fantastic (even when you're not). I work very hard in relationships and it's good to see that the ex's don't forget about you as much as you thought they did. I wouldn't say I go around looking for this drama. In fact that night this all went down I was more pissed than anything that I let this happen...again. I am 20 years old. I am young. I love someone so much...yet I'm jeopardizing it by being 20 years old. Will I ever grow out of this crappy phase? I think, like many young men, you're a bit full of yourself. Please don't take offense. You'll most likely grow out of it. Right now, you are not ready to be in a commited relationship. The best thing you can do for yourself and the women you meet, it tell them your not looking for a relationship right now. Enjoy your freedom, and when you mature, then find someone to date exclusevely. You might be suprised. In a few years you might wonder you ever thought that Wendy was the girl for you.
Author Dadubwa Posted July 22, 2008 Author Posted July 22, 2008 I mean that that it REALLY matters...but I'm a lesbian...so are the other two girls (obviously lol). I don't think this changes anything really. Just to clarify .
angie2443 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 I mean that that it REALLY matters...but I'm a lesbian...so are the other two girls (obviously lol). I don't think this changes anything really. Just to clarify . I missed that part:). It really doesn't change my advice though. I think young women need to explore the world, so to speak, before they settle down also.
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