SarahT111 Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Hey all Well it’s been 7ish months since my big break-up and 7ish months since he talked to me last. It’s been almost a year since I have seen him (LDR). I don’t know if you can remember my story but briefly we were together for 2.5 years but I had problems with his family all hating me. I tried my best but all his friends and family picked on me constantly (they were a very religious group and didn't accept me as I was different, even with every effort on my part to be accepted) He never stuck up for me every time they had a go at me. Eventually it got too much for him and he broke my heart and left me for someone else. He was so nasty about it. Told me by txt message that he was now with someone else and never once spoke to me again He tore my heart out and I swore I nearly died from the pain. I lost an incredible amount of weight from stress and didn't stop crying for months. He was my first love. ]Well 7 months later the excessive 24/7 pain has stopped and my life is really different now. I have so many things that I should be thankful for. I now have so many close friends and other aspects of my life have improved so much. Everything is 100% better now that we have broken up. Yet why do I still feel miserable deep down? I did all the work l'shakers told me to do. I worked on myself, learned to live on my own, became independent, I joined clubs and now have heaps of friends yet deep down I still miss and crave my old life with him I don’t understand why. I don't even know if this makes any sense to anyone reading as it doesn't even make sense to me! And I know it sounds incredibly stupid! Im just sitting here feeling soooooooo lonely right now and missing him so much! I could never forgive him for what he did to me so why on earth do I crave being with him and miss my old life so much. I am surrounded by people all day long and in general put a big smile on my face and act and usually feel happy. Yet the moment they are gone and im alone (like now) I miss my old life so much and get all teary over it. After about 4 months of utter misery I tried my best to get out there and find someone else to help me move on. I did find someone else but he stuffed me around with hot and cold behaviour then left me for someone else and didn't even tell me!!! He just didn't talk to me for a while until I found out through his flat mate that he was all 'loved up' with a new gf. It re broke my heart Has anyone ever been through anything like this? And will it always be like this? I long for the day where I can smile and really mean it. I just want to know that things will get better. Im pretty miserable right now. What do I do to get through this? Finally I will be seeing my 1st ex next month for the first time since everything happened and im absolutely terrified! I don’t know what to do or how to act around him. Im just so scared in general that he will hurt me more by being so happy without me. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I should act around him or any tips to get me through seeing him without tearing my heart up again.
iwish Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Hey Sarah, sorry to hear you're suffering.. I'm having a bad day today too. I can't really offer you any advice that will make you feel better all i can offer is to listen... Loneliness sucks, it's a horrible feeling, can you not go out and see some friends? Why are you seeing your ex next month, how did that come about? You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
orangehose Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Hi Sarah, I really feel for you. I can relate to what you're saying about doing all the right things to move on post-breakup but yet still feeling like something's missing. I think in your case, having to see him in a month may be a source of stress. Is there any way you could avoid seeing him? But in terms of something missing, I would say, try to focus on the parts of your life that are good, and have faith that someone new will eventually come into your life that will make your ex seem like the loser he really is.
Nevermind Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 A big part of letting go is understanding the dynamics of the break-up. If we don't know now why it happened we might end up harbouring a fear of ourselves, of intimacy because we cannot be sure that it won't happen again. Also, LDR break-ups really lack closure. In most cases you won't ever see them again and you can never see for yourself if you truly are over them. What you miss is a memory, it's not the real him. And maybe it's not even an accurate memory, but it helps you to fulfill an emotional need. He was your first, so love is linked to him and nobody else right now. You cannot possibly know wether you will feel the same with somebody else, so you miss what you (unconsiously) fear you might have lost forever. This won't be the case. And I think you just need to let this fact sink in. What can you do? Well, since I am not over it either, my advice is limited. Try to find closure within yourself. Try to accept the person that you have been then. Try to understand why it happened and how it happened. Accept this. Try to date somebody, casually, just for easing into it. Why are you meeting the second ex? Is it on a friendly basis? Are you trying to reconcile? How did it come about? Maybe seeing him again will bring you the closure you need. But maybe it won't. Be careful and consider your own feelings.
Author SarahT111 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Thanks so much for your replies! iwish, orangehose & nevermind, thanks for offering to listen! I have to see him next month through a university trip. I cant get out of it unfortunatly and will have to spend a whole week with him. It will be the first time ive seen him or even heard from him in about a year! Im really terrified, to the point where im not sleeping at night because im so stressed out about it. I guess im scared he will hurt me even more after I have worked so dam hard to get over him. I do go out with my friends alot which helps but whenever im alone I feel miserable I really have to push myself to go out and 99% of the time I dont even want to go. I do try an focus on parts of my life that are good but I cant help deep down missing him and feeling sad at where my life is now This time last year I was blissfully happy, getting underway with plans to move in with him and just feeling so happy and loved. I could never imagine that a year later I would be this unhappy and lonely. I tried everything suggested on l'shack and now have a much better life, but underneath it I feel so sad and lonely without him Sometimes I just wish so much I could turn the clock back to my happy life. I miss so much being able to smile or laugh and really mean it. Nevermind, I think alot of what you say is really true. I think I am scared I wont ever find what we had with anyone else. Its been 7 months and the only person I had a slight attraction to mucked me round and hurt me all over again. Im scared of being hurt now and terrified of being left for someone else again. But in saying that I feel so lonely and miss having someone in my life. I guess im just frustrated as I have done everything suggested and worked so hard to be happy yet deep down its all a lie and im really not happy.
fran82 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 hi sarah, i was wanted to say, i think you'll be fine! you've already proven just how strong you really are by picking yourself up and creating what sounds like an amazing life. i understand exactly what you mean about being so happy day to day but still craving him, its because your only human, its 100% natural to crave that kind of interaction, its an innate response that has never left us women, even tho mentally we're all so much stronger these days. you think of him, because since he was you first real love, you have no other point of reference, you long for love, not for him. after the end of my 1st r/ship, i put on a brave face, and i wore it for about 1 year, until 1 day it just hit me, i actually was happy, and i started really thoroughly enjoying everything. you've already started this process, i say stick with it, cause you seem to be doing an amazing job! just stay focused on how far you've come, and what you can achieve in the months ahead, hold your head high when you meet him, showing him you have rebuilt your life and are truly happy, dont go in to it hoping you'll get anything but some confirmation that your life is better for not having him or his stressful family in it. stay strong
Peter_pan Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 i think you just miss the idea of having someone who loves you. you probably dont miss him, you miss the idea. he left you like a piece of ****, no one deserves that kind of behavior
tinke Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 it was a cowardly break-up, had a similar experience. No matter the circumstance, I believe anyone deserves better. It was an easy way out for him, however, it left you whirling in disbelief. For the life of me, I cannot understand this way of thinking.....absolutely NO respect for the one being left...COWARD! Speaking only from my view, is it absolutely necessary to see him? Do you believe you are up to that? It's been quite some time for me, and I cannot fathom putting myself in that situation.
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