how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my f

[joel]

i been going out with this girl like once a wk for 2 months approx we went out like around 12 times-movie, eat out, hang out, malls...etc i met off POF site. when i asked her to be bf/gf she told me "shes not sure, she doesn't now",and that her previous bf she knew him for one yr as just friend before she even committed with him-they were only bf/gf for a month though. how long would you as a guy or even a girl except some kind of committment -like after how many dates. i got a feeling it would have gone nowhere be it 2 months or 8 months . i don't want to keep on dating her and spending money and find out even after 1 month or even more that shes not even interested in being official. i want to be in a relationship. how long would you go for.

 

another thing is when we go to movie, eat out, i been paying the first couple of x's but a couple of x's i was little short on money and jsut paid my part for the dessert, i ordered my ice cream , and waited for her to buy her own ice cream. from what i observerved on her face-a frown-this frowned face happened right after she notice that i didn;t pay for her dessert. well i did pay for her dinner. i thought it would be nice if she just pay for my dessert too,but oh well i didn't except it. this happen a couple of x's.

 

another time we went to eat out i told her "i'll pay for the dinner and you pay for the tip", i paid for the 25 dollar meal and she put in 1 dollar tip. huh i thought that was cheap though. i didn't say anything. not once did she offer to pay or worst of all, she didn;t even say "thank you".

well i'm a easy going kind of guy,but who wants to be used right, if she doesn;t want to committ or be in a relationship then she should tell me upfront.

 

oh ya and how do you get the girl to offer to pay up sometimes or go 50/50 or do you u just tell them straight up

"hey i paid this time and next time you pay" somehting liek that

[KinAZ]

I think the best approach is to be honest. Let her know that all of the going out is pretty expensive and ask her if she can take care of the bill. Give her NOTICE though. I had this happen to me years back when I was in school and wasn't working, and the guy 1. assumed that we were on for that Saturday, because we always saw one another at least once a week and 2. didn't tell me in advance that he wanted me to pay.

 

His excuse was that he hadn't gotten paid yet, but I was pretty sure that it was more than that. He wanted to make things official, and much like yourself (it would seem) was worried that I might just be taking him for a ride.

 

If you want her to pay for something, and you're always the one who pays, give her notice. If she's used to a certain type of treatment she might think it rude of you if you don't.

 

And finally, when she wants a relationship or she's sure... she'll let you know. I was the same way with the guy I mentioned above, and my best advice is to... see other people. Take her less seriously. Not to play games, but at the moment you clearly want more than she does out of this deal.

 

Handle the matter maturely, and if she realizes you're one she doesn't want to be without, she'll express it in some way, as long as she knows why you're pulling back.

[joel]

I think the best approach is to be honest. Let her know that all of the going out is pretty expensive and ask her if she can take care of the bill. Give her NOTICE though. I had this happen to me years back when I was in school and wasn't working, and the guy 1. assumed that we were on for that Saturday, because we always saw one another at least once a week and 2. didn't tell me in advance that he wanted me to pay.

 

His excuse was that he hadn't gotten paid yet, but I was pretty sure that it was more than that. He wanted to make things official, and much like yourself (it would seem) was worried that I might just be taking him for a ride.

 

If you want her to pay for something, and you're always the one who pays, give her notice. If she's used to a certain type of treatment she might think it rude of you if you don't.

 

And finally, when she wants a relationship or she's sure... she'll let you know. I was the same way with the guy I mentioned above, and my best advice is to... see other people. Take her less seriously. Not to play games, but at the moment you clearly want more than she does out of this deal.

 

Handle the matter maturely, and if she realizes you're one she doesn't want to be without, she'll express it in some way, as long as she knows why you're pulling back.

i got a sick feeling that even if it carried on for a couple more month-shes'll still be not sure what she wants.

i jsut want to make sure i'm not going get used or played around with next time, what are some ways you can tell

[KinAZ]

When a person REALLY wants that, they'll let you know. Even if they have to put their ego down to simply hint around at it, they will let you know, especially if you have already been open about your wants and feelings.

 

I was that girl, in general before. But you just remind me of this really sweet guy who I refer to as the one who got away. I say see other people, don't let her make you guarded in the future with other women, and in time she may realize what she was missing.

 

The best clue is (sort of like the car door test), she'll let you know that she's thinking of you, that you're on her mind or close to your heart.

 

The guy I mentioned in the example above, I really liked him a lot but I just wasn't ready. I told him this, but he was still pushy. And instead of EXPRESSING himself to me, he went into jerk mode. And I seriously do think I broke him. I see him occasionally now and then, and he's just not the same. The first thing he told me after seeing me years later was that I ripped his heart out. You don't wanna be that guy!

 

It could be that she's a user, it could be that she doesn't have enough experience to know better, it could be that she simply isn't ready. I can't say for sure. But, she will find little ways of letting you know where she holds you in her life or heart if she isn't using you and really just isn't ready.

[forrest]

sorry dude, I am pretty sure shes just out for a free lunch/dinner/movie/whatever. You are being taken for a ride here. Even if you are not, based on what you have said, you dont want to be going out with a "princess" so to speak. Find someone else, put her in the friendzone at best, go NC is what I recommend.

[jadedone]

Are the two of you having sex?

 

If there is no sex, you are getting used.

 

If there is sex, then it's up to you if you want to give it more time, or push for a relationship.

[Balthazar]

2 months?

12 dates?

she wants you to pay for all?

gives you nothing in the way of lovin?

not sure if she wants to be your GF?

 

BAIL!

 

CHeers,

[LolitaAnastasia]

Hey Joel,

 

My boyfriend and I were first Friends with benefits,

 

For ages I thought we were dating, when we went out he would pay for me. We would see each other most weekends. However I started getting the vibe that he wasn't affectionate towards me. I mean that he rarely kissed me. Or he wouldn't hug me. Sometimes he would drive past my house and not stop in to see me.

 

One time after a we had sex, I asked him if we were going anywhere. He gave me a look and answered honestly that "He wasn't ready for a relationship".

 

So ask this girl stright out if your seeing each other.

[xpaperxcutx]

You're making this into a money issue. You need to ask her if she wants to be official, otherwise you could just start seeing other ppl. Money isn't the problem because you kept asking her out, without making it apparent that you want to be in a relationship. Man up and ask her.

[joel]

no i got no sex, and one of them didn;t even really like to kiss-when i kissed her she seemed to do nothing with her lips-oh and she has had previuos bfs too.

[joel]

after how many dates should i start telling her or any girl the mutual acceptance,

example-i pay for the movie and pop corn and you pay for dinner or vice versa or even the dutch thing.

 

i mean after 2 dates, after 3, . i figure she would at lteast offer to pay like after the 2nd date , i mean i'm not rich at all. i mean i still trying to save up for school if i have to , to get a better job and also a car.

 

after how many dates should u start expecting the girl to start offering to pay or even say "hey let me pay this time", you paid last time"

[jadedone]

no i got no sex, and one of them didn;t even really like to kiss-when i kissed her she seemed to do nothing with her lips-oh and she has had previuos bfs too.

 

 

Time to ignore her.

[jadedone]

after how many dates should i start telling her or any girl the mutual acceptance,

example-i pay for the movie and pop corn and you pay for dinner or vice versa or even the dutch thing.

 

i mean after 2 dates, after 3, . i figure she would at lteast offer to pay like after the 2nd date , i mean i'm not rich at all. i mean i still trying to save up for school if i have to , to get a better job and also a car.

 

after how many dates should u start expecting the girl to start offering to pay or even say "hey let me pay this time", you paid last time"

 

Typically at first I pay, but if it becomes an exclusive relationship that's when I'd like to see the woman chip in a little, but now I have a decent job so I don't worry about it.

[carhill]

Time to ignore her.

+1

 

Silence sandwiches are free ....

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

"hey i paid this time and next time you pay" somehting liek that

That sounds like a sure way to never have said "next time" with this girl.

Probably a good thing.

[trubella]

after how many dates should u start expecting the girl to start offering to pay or even say "hey let me pay this time", you paid last time"

 

when its exclusive.

[KinAZ]

after how many dates should i start telling her or any girl the mutual acceptance,

example-i pay for the movie and pop corn and you pay for dinner or vice versa or even the dutch thing.

 

i mean after 2 dates, after 3, . i figure she would at lteast offer to pay like after the 2nd date , i mean i'm not rich at all. i mean i still trying to save up for school if i have to , to get a better job and also a car.

 

after how many dates should u start expecting the girl to start offering to pay or even say "hey let me pay this time", you paid last time"

 

I agree with trubella here. When you're exclusive is when I think it's OK to expect. Everyone is different, and so there are some, who might offer before hand just because they're nice.

 

But the first few dates at least, you should pick up the tab. Also, you might want to try google, and find less expensive things that you can do on dates. I appreciate a guy who is generous and a gentleman, at the same time, I've always tried to speak up when I thought his spending was foolish. If I really liked the guy, I would offer to treat, and/or try to suggest we start doing things that weren't as expensive. If I wasn't that into a guy, I let him know... "hey, I like you, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now, and I feel you're spending too much money on me." I've said this and had stubborn guys reply back "It's ok, I like doing it." Or suggest that they always treat their friends this way. So, if you do happen to meet an honest one, don't ignore it when she tries to let you know. You know?

[jadedone]

I almost never spend much money on a first date anymore. I go for the coffee house, the zoo, a park, DVD at my place. 2d and third dates are more deserving of spending money. Then when it becomes exclusive, going out should be a shared expense, unless she is just flat broke and you have money.

[xpaperxcutx]

Actually if she was attracted to you, she would be getting into bed with you by the 3rd date. Otherwise, she's just using you for the dates. Lose her.

[joel]

Actually if she was attracted to you, she would be getting into bed with you by the 3rd date. Otherwise, she's just using you for the dates. Lose her.

 

well i'm chinese born in vancouver, and most of the girls are asian too chinese , i doubt they are that fast. 3rd date??? taht fast? oh and i live at home anyways. hehe

i did bring up the sexual stuff ,but they always seem conservative and not want to talk about the sex stuff.

[xpaperxcutx]

well i'm chinese born in vancouver, and most of the girls are asian too chinese , i doubt they are that fast. 3rd date??? taht fast? oh and i live at home anyways. hehe

i did bring up the sexual stuff ,but they always seem conservative and not want to talk about the sex stuff.

 

are they still virgins?

 

It depends on the person. If they're okay with promiscuity then they don't have problems with talking about sex. I talk about sex with my gfs all the time.

[joel]

are they still virgins?

 

It depends on the person. If they're okay with promiscuity then they don't have problems with talking about sex. I talk about sex with my gfs all the time.

 

well what do you start off talking to them about. "what the craziest stuff u done in bed before", what your fav postions" stuff like that. i mean how do you get it in there, do you just go in and say it.

[xpaperxcutx]

well i'm chinese born in vancouver, and most of the girls are asian too chinese , i doubt they are that fast. 3rd date??? taht fast? oh and i live at home anyways. hehe

i did bring up the sexual stuff ,but they always seem conservative and not want to talk about the sex stuff.

 

And basically 3rd date is just lots of making out. Maybe not sex. But the OP hasn't had any AT ALL... something tells me she's a lesbian.

[joel]

And basically 3rd date is just lots of making out. Maybe not sex. But the OP hasn't had any AT ALL... something tells me she's a lesbian.

 

well isn;t that a little too fast. heheh. for some reason i attract the conservative, shy types not sure why.

so how do you get them all into sex and stuff do you just talk about it. like what would you say to them. any examples please hehehe

[xpaperxcutx]

well isn;t that a little too fast. heheh. for some reason i attract the conservative, shy types not sure why.

so how do you get them all into sex and stuff do you just talk about it. like what would you say to them. any examples please hehehe

 

your question basically brings up the matter of whether they're virgins or not? If they're not then you can try getting them drunk and they'll start groping you.... I noticed asians get really into sex when they're not slightly themselves. JK

Na, I mean when me and my friends hang out, I always ask them about their bfs and then they would bring up something which I would just make a joke about.

 

Basically what you're asking is not possible, it only happens rarely with the few asian females that are not conservative. If you're so into sex and all, find yourself an asian stripper. There are lots of that too.