Really worried that my 12 year old sister is on the brink of becoming sexually active

[Jamie31]

Although she looks like she's 16, my little sister is only 12. The past year she has changed a whole lot. It's like she grew up over night. She went from SpongeBob SquarePants to GoodCharlotte over night. My mother and I are really worried about her. She has had several little "boyfriends" over the past year and none of them have lasted over a couple of weeks. But the one she has now has been around for couple of months. My mother has heard her on the phone talking to her friends saying inappropriate things for a 12 year old (example: calling another girl a slut, cussing, etc) and that concerned my mom at the beginning. My mom was looking through her yearbook and saw where one of her friends circled a teacher's name and wrote beside it "F*cking is my game"....I mean...that's just not right for 12 year olds.

 

And what concerns my mom and I the most is.....my mom was on the computer and my lil sis's email popped up. So she read it and it was from this boyfriend of hers and it said "You can have sex when you get ready, just let me know when you are ready. How far can I go? I need a limit." And this just freaked my mom out! And me too. I mean if they are talking about it now, it won't be long before they do it. SHE'S ONLY TWELVE!!!

 

Her and my mom have a very close relationship. And my mom has well informed her about sex and pregnancy and all the consequences and done everything she knows to do. She doesn't let her date, they just go to the skating rink and talk on the phone and stuff, but her boyfriend is pressuring her, I know.

 

It's just really stressing us out, because she is only 12.

 

Anyone have any advice to offer us? We don't know what else to do about this! We are really worried about her.

[HokeyReligions]

I don't know what else you can do. You mentioned in another thread about your Christianity - does your sister follow the same faith? Has that been part of the discussions too?

 

Maybe she doesn't want to have sex, but doesn't want to lose her boyfriend and doesn't know how to keep saying NO. That's pretty common and normal so maybe if you can arm her with some phrases and explanations that SHE can use in different situations it will help her.

 

It's difficult for anyone at any age to put logic before emotions and at 12 its very difficult.

 

I don't know if talking to the boys parents would help, or even talking to the boy himself and trying to explain why they are too young -- all done in an understanding way- because its also quite normal for kids their age to begin feeling those desires--their bodies are changing and they are inundated with sexual messages every day.

 

Perhaps instead of a parents (and older siblings) natural reaction to shelter their kids, a dose of adult reality and treating her like an adult would make an impact.

[longlegzs80]

I could not help but reply to this. If I was your mom, I would lay down strick rules that she is not allowed to date until she is 16. What is the rush? You might have to out guidelines on this.

 

Now, if she is on the brink of sexual stuff, I would think she has already done some stuff and really needs to be talken to. Make sure, that you and your mom are there for her, if there is any problems, concerns, or comments about anything. ANother thing is talk to her about sex, stds, boys in general, pregnancy. Make sure if you feel strongly about she is on the brink of sexual activity, make sure she is on birthcontrol and make sure she knows about condoms. This is sad, but it is reality. And you don't want anything bad to happen to your sister. So, first off, talk to her. Tell her that you have noticed a change in her attitude whatever, and was wondering why? Ask her questions about this boy? I am 22 and my mother still asks me questions about boys that I might go out with, or whatever it is. You need to speak to her, and don't let it wait. This is a matter that can';t be taken lightly and you need to talk to her about dating, boys, sex, stds, birthcontrol(his/her), etc.

 

The number one thing after you do all that is make sure she knows she can come to both of you with whatever questions she has. And don't be upset when things don't come out all hunky dorry. She will probubly tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, be prepared. Be prepared to speak to her alot about the sex thing though. Tell her that you have noticed her language when she has been talking to friends and it is unacceptable. Man, I wonder how I would be as a parent. Probubly too strick, but kids need to know all this stuff. She is old enough to do sex acts so that is your main concern is to talk to her about the consequences etc. Take care and hope this has helped.

[yes]

my friend works at a "day-care" of sorts (don't know the proper name) - anyway, she hangs out with 11-12 y.o.'s a lot, and you wouldn't believe the things these kids know and say! They're all about who's dating who, they've all kissed each other, etc. I mean technically, people can start having sex at 13-14, so this isn't unnatural, but it's sure important to educate them well and early!!

 

by the way, N_J, forbidding dating won't stop her. she'll simply skip class & do it in the washroom, if she RLLY wants to. so wouldn't you rather she not hide it from you, and do it in a clean bed, if she must?

 

-yes

[warrior]

Im from Canada ontario and not to long ago at a camp near Ottawa there was a healine in the paper cause kids in a tent aged 12 to 14 were found having oral sex sick hey im 21 and had oral sex for the first time last year but at twelve i think 12 is a bitt to young for realationship and sex

[my_mother's_daughter]

I agree that 12 is too young an age, with regards to *typical* emotional development, not to mention law, to have sex. However, you have to acknowledge that your reply was at best flippant at worst a bit cruel.

 

Also, intrigued: a lap dancer before becoming a stripper, is that a typical career path??

[turtle]

You can't monitor your sister's activities 24 hours a day. The only thing you can really do is to try and talk to her and hopefully knock some sense into her. No matter what, get her to a gyn and put her on birth control. Better safe than sorry.

[Rob]

Time really flies. It's amazing how people change so much as they grow. All you can do is support your little sister, love her, and guide her all the way. Teach her. Be an example however you know how. Just try to show her that a few minutes of fun with some kid isn't worth it in the long run.

 

Best of luck and God bless you.