xpaperxcutx Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I'm having second thoughts about going out with six pack guy. The fact that he was persistant in meeting up was kind of a turn off. Also, he makes it so that he always has to bring up the fact that he finds certain girls hot, or bringing the subject up about where he spent the night before. Like the day before, he told me he dropped by his female workers place for a drink and ended up spending the night, which he cleared up by saying he slept on the couch. Also, we never really talk much, all we do is im each other back and forth over AIM. He has my number but he never makes it a point to actually pick up the phone to ask me how I am. We are not exclusive, and I don't really see the need to be. Anyways, now I'm thinking of excuses to cancel, unless you guys are suggesting that I change my mind.
Jilly Bean Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I think you should cancel - NOT because of anything about him, but only because you consistently seem to be looking for reasons to dump him. He clearly isn't doing it for you, X, so, since you've already written the script, of sorts, I vote just tear off the band-aid and end it already.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 I think you should cancel - NOT because of anything about him, but only because you consistently seem to be looking for reasons to dump him. He clearly isn't doing it for you, X, so, since you've already written the script, of sorts, I vote just tear off the band-aid and end it already. Jilly i understand what you're saying. But given you were in my position wouldn't you be reluctant as well after finding out he has a girl to hang out with every day of the week, and you're just Saturday?
LolitaAnastasia Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Hun, you have given me great advice. I think this guy is using you if your just a weekend girl. Maybe you should dump him hun.
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 xpc, Some women find men with women all over them more attractive, since they want to be the one to "captivate and capture", attaining the "trophy". Other women find this type of behaviour abhorrent. You decide which type of woman you are. Any guys reading, just swap genders.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 xpc, Some women find men with women all over them more attractive, since they want to be the one to "captivate and capture", attaining the "trophy". Other women find this type of behaviour abhorrent. You decide which type of woman you are. Any guys reading, just swap genders. You make it sound like a game. I'm the type that will work her ass off if she feels that it's worth fighting for. But I find it kind of hard to fight for a guy's attention. In regards to relationships, I'm the type that gets jealous easily, and when I'm hurt I tend to want hurt the person back. The thing with six pack guy and me is there's alot of attraction between us. But I feel like the tension comes from the fact that we're obliviously playing games with each other and trying to make each other jealous. He has accused me on occasion of playing around with him, and he gets confrontational when he thinks I might like or is seeing someone else. But then the same goes for me, when he brings up the fact that he wants to hook up with his friend's friend or constantly has girls hitting on him. I try to be nonchalant about this, but deep down I'm extremely bitter that he's talking to me about it.
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 You make it sound like a game. I'm the type that will work her ass off if she feels that it's worth fighting for. But I find it kind of hard to fight for a guy's attention. In regards to relationships, I'm the type that gets jealous easily, and when I'm hurt I tend to want hurt the person back. The thing with six pack guy and me is there's alot of attraction between us. But I feel like the tension comes from the fact that we're obliviously playing games with each other and trying to make each other jealous. He has accused me on occasion of playing around with him, and he gets confrontational when he thinks I might like or is seeing someone else. But then the same goes for me, when he brings up the fact that he wants to hook up with his friend's friend or constantly has girls hitting on him. I try to be nonchalant about this, but deep down I'm extremely bitter that he's talking to me about it. Have you considered stepping down from the game? You know you can do it anytime, don't you?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Have you considered stepping down from the game? You know you can do it anytime, don't you? I thought I had done that. When he asks me about my friends or what guys I like, I was very honest. I told me him most of my friends are girls, and I judge a guy on his personality first rather than his looks. But he would always bring up something that sounds confrontational. Like who was the guy that commented my myspace, or maybe the myspace guy likes me. And I had to fight his accusatory tone with a tone the guy's just a friend, or the guy probably is in a relationship. Yet when it comes to him, he brings up his friend, Ayumi ( Japanese girl), or his coworker, or his friend who his going to the beach with, or how when he was still living in Japan, he was always asking girls out. Which in turn just makes me want to bring up my guy friends since he likes talking about his so much.
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I thought I had done that. When he asks me about my friends or what guys I like, I was very honest. I told me him most of my friends are girls, and I judge a guy on his personality first rather than his looks. But he would always bring up something that sounds confrontational. Like who was the guy that commented my myspace, or maybe the myspace guy likes me. And I had to fight his accusatory tone with a tone the guy's just a friend, or the guy probably is in a relationship. Yet when it comes to him, he brings up his friend, Ayumi ( Japanese girl), or his coworker, or his friend who his going to the beach with, or how when he was still living in Japan, he was always asking girls out. Which in turn just makes me want to bring up my guy friends since he likes talking about his so much. Here's a suggested approach to stepping down from the game. "You appear to be a guy who finds a lot of women attractive, therefore in my mind, potentially a high risk candidate. Is this true or are you playing a game with me?"
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Here's a suggested approach to stepping down from the game. "You appear to be a guy who finds a lot of women attractive, therefore in my mind, potentially a high risk candidate. Is this true or are you playing a game with me?" alright thanks TBF i'll try that one... but is this going to make him stop?
Trialbyfire Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 alright thanks TBF i'll try that one... but is this going to make him stop? He's going to do one of two things: Agree with you that yes, he has a lot of options, for which you can react as you see fit. My personal reaction would be to cancel the date because he's telling you upfront how he will continue to behave in the future. I wouldn't decline the date in a miffy way, more, "thanks for being honest with me."Backpedal and attempt to alleviate your concerns.
atc2410 Posted July 20, 2008 Posted July 20, 2008 Sixpack guy sounds a bit insecure. And I don't mean to comment on his eligibility in noting that. He just comes across as insecure hence the games and playing it cool. Once you get past the games he could be lovely. When you're attractive sometimes shyness or insecurity can come across as being aloof.
Jilly Bean Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Yeah, I wouldn't suggest asking him if he's playing you. If he is, he certainly won't admit to it, and it will just make you look foolish. X, you're no dummy. If you really feel that this guy has a ton of women, and you only day 6 entertainment, and you are seeking something deeper right off, then I still vote to drop him. It just seems like a lot of struggle over someone you are kinda lukewarm over.
Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Yeah, I wouldn't suggest asking him if he's playing you. If he is, he certainly won't admit to it, and it will just make you look foolish. Read it again. There's nothing there that says to ask if he's playing her...
Jilly Bean Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Read it again. There's nothing there that says to ask if he's playing her... Oh, I read it. "Are you playing a game with me?" is the same thing as asking if he is playing her.
Trialbyfire Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Oh, I read it. "Are you playing a game with me?" is the same thing as asking if he is playing her. Read the posts, not just the one. You should be able to figure out the nuances.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to talk to him all weekend. I find it weird that we can chat on Aim for hrs during the morning on Aim, but then when the weekend comes along, we hardly ever try anything to contact each other. Except for maybe 1 or 2 text messages. I'm at a loss.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Yeah, I wouldn't suggest asking him if he's playing you. If he is, he certainly won't admit to it, and it will just make you look foolish. X, you're no dummy. If you really feel that this guy has a ton of women, and you only day 6 entertainment, and you are seeking something deeper right off, then I still vote to drop him. It just seems like a lot of struggle over someone you are kinda lukewarm over. It's only a guess that he has a ton of women because he's constantly talking about them. But I find it weird that he hasn't had a gf in almost a year. And I wasn't exactly lukewarm. Maybe a little skeptical at first but then I began to like him, only to find it a bit repulsive when he brings up the topic of girls.
atc2410 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Again based on what I can glean through what's written here he seems to be bringing up girls to paint a picture of eligibility. It's a performance born from insecurity. I may be totally wrong having not actually seen him of course.
woods321 Posted July 21, 2008 Posted July 21, 2008 Its funny how insecure people employ so many of the same tactics. I dated a woman who made it a point to ALWAYS talk about men who wanted her in the early part of our relationship. She was also very jealous, especially as things progressed. For about the first week I was jealous when she would mention other men but then I realized it was coming from a place of insecurity and it fizzled off. But the insecurity itself did not go away, and it was always present in other ways. If you are very interested just try and ignore his other girl comments, and I bet he will quit them... But keep in mind you are still with an insecure person, and that will not go away as easily.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted July 21, 2008 Author Posted July 21, 2008 Again based on what I can glean through what's written here he seems to be bringing up girls to paint a picture of eligibility. It's a performance born from insecurity. I may be totally wrong having not actually seen him of course. He's insecure? I'm insecure at times, but I don't randomly bring up up guys... Umm... okay he's 5'11 bleached blonde. and is really muscular. Like a body builder, but without any single fat on his darn body ( ). Yeah is that descriptive enough?
atc2410 Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 Means nothing. I train my arse off at the gym, know heaps of attractive muscular guys and they’re all insecure at times with girls, me included. In fact one of the drivers behind many guys training hard is inherent insecurity. I’m not trying to run this insecurity trait into the ground or anything, just noting that attractive, gym fit guys are prone to it and that may be what you’re seeing here. And I’m offering it as a contrast to those who will simply dismiss him as a wanker because he’s got shredded abs and talks himself up regarding other women.
Trialbyfire Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 xpapercutz, players don't talk themselves up about women. If anything, they try to mitigate past reputations, so women get suckered in.
Jilly Bean Posted July 22, 2008 Posted July 22, 2008 only to find it a bit repulsive when he brings up the topic of girls. That would annoy me as well. The more you talk, the more he seems very insecure, X. It really continues to depend on whether you want to work through this for a bit, and see if he settles down.
Recommended Posts