sb129 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Wonderboy and I have been talking about this. He wants me to take his name, and says that its much less complicated that way, especially if we have kids. I agree, but I also like my name, and professionally, my name is the name that got me where I am now, and I don't know if I am ready to let go of that. My degree and all that is in my name, and many of my friends call me by my surname as a nickname. I have considered keeping my name for work and changing it at home, but wonder if that will get too complicated? I am also supremely lazy about some things, and the thought of having to go around and change everything is just tiresome (don't flame me!). I will be needing a new passport just after we get married, and I will probably get a new one with my married name, but I just don't know about going the whole hog and changing it for everything. I wonder if I will have a change of heart when we are actually married, and be more keen to take his name and become Mrs Wonderboy? What do you guys think? Any experiences/ thoughts you would like to share? PS we got our wedding rings today which was very exciting. I want to wear mine now but WB has banned me from trying it on anymore for fear of jinxing it! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 The standard compromise is to hyphenate or hyphenate any child(s) name. I changed mine and immediately after the divorce, changed it back. It was a major hassle both times. If there is a next time, no way!! Link to post Share on other sites
saraispiel19 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I still have my maiden name as my "legal" last name and my married name is "assumed" so I can use it. (an assumed name is a name which a person uses or adopts although it is not their legal name. It is not against the law to simply use another name, provided it is not for fraudulent purposes. Upon marriage, a person may choose to "assume" the last name of his/her spouse and use it. Most government organizations, credit card firms, etc will accept a copy of the marriage certificate issued by the Office of the Registrar General as proof of marriage, and issue revised identification. With this option, your birth certificate remains in your maiden or birth name). Other options: how about hyphenating your last names – sometimes just the bride hyphenates, while the groom stays with his last name solo, but most of the time both change their names. You all can decide whose name goes first He could take your last name. While only a small percentage of couples are going this route, it will mark you all as modern folks who aren't afraid to change up tradition. If you've got the cool last name, and his is, well, dorky, both of you can win with this option. Consider changing your name legally, so as to make traveling with the kids, dealing with schools and other personal matters easier, but still using your name professionally. It will be a small hassle setting things up when you change jobs, but will make day-to-day life much simpler. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 But I like your name!!! :-( I don't know what his last name is... hope it's not funky. We're both similarly situated in our careers, and if I got married tomorrow I'd probably keep my last name professionally, hyphenate personally, and have our children have his last name. That's a compromise! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 How about hyphenating your last names – sometimes just the bride hyphenates, while the groom stays with his last name solo, but most of the time both change their names. You all can decide whose name goes first Our names together would sound a bit ridiculous and are a mouthful. We have discussed this, and neither of us are too keen on this one. He could take your last name. While only a small percentage of couples are going this route, it will mark you all as modern folks who aren't afraid to change up tradition. If you've got the cool last name, and his is, well, dorky, both of you can win with this option. :lmao: I would LOVE this option. However I suggested this and Wonderboys response was rather.... colourful. He said is was very demasculating. (sp?) Consider changing your name legally, so as to make traveling with the kids, dealing with schools and other personal matters easier, but still using your name professionally. It will be a small hassle setting things up when you change jobs, but will make day-to-day life much simpler. I like this option the best. I am considering assuming his name for our life together, for my passport, bank accounts etc, household stuff etc, but keep my name for my work stuff. We have discussed this, and he is cool with this option. I think given the choice he would prefer it if I changed my name completely, but I think this option is a reasonable compromise. Thanks for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I have considered keeping my name for work and changing it at home, but wonder if that will get too complicated? not really, if you explain simply yet clearly that you use both names. when I married, I was between writing gigs, so I didn't have a problem using my married name with my first & middle names for my newspaper bylines. When I landed my current job 14 years ago, my editor suggested I use maiden AND married names so that our Hispanic readers could identify with me, and so far, so good. Now I've got a double-southern first name, my Mexican maiden name and DH's English surname all on my byline :laugh: but it works. co worker, on the other hand, has kept her maiden name as her byline (because she was writing for this paper long before she married her mister), and because if she combined maiden and married names, it just wouldn't fit the column-width format used by the paper at that time. Yet, she's comfortable answering to both, and now that her husband is a deacon, it's easier to explain that she's "Deacon N's wife," so people make the connection between her married name and her byline. I suggest you try something similar – incorporate his surname into your new legal name "SB 129 MarriedName" and tell people that they can call you by either name. I promise, the hard part will initially be remembering to sign your full new name after you marry! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 But I like your name!!! :-( I don't know what his last name is... hope it's not funky. We're both similarly situated in our careers, and if I got married tomorrow I'd probably keep my last name professionally, hyphenate personally, and have our children have his last name. That's a compromise! I like it too. You know where to find his last name if you have a look... There is nothing wrong with it- I just like mine better! I am totally fine with our kids having his name. My best friend has a hyphenated surname, which was a result of her husbands grandparents hyphenating, and my friend and her husband often just use the second surname as their name won't fit on lots of forms! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I am considering assuming his name for our life together, for my passport, bank accounts etc, household stuff etc, but keep my name for my work stuff. I believe on legal documents, you're limited to your legal married name – I seemed to recall wanting my full name on SSN and DL cards, but they said I had to use first and married names ... Really? The only place I use my maiden name is at work, because it's much shorter and easier to say than hubby's name. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 I suggest you try something similar – incorporate his surname into your new legal name "SB 129 MarriedName" and tell people that they can call you by either name. I promise, the hard part will initially be remembering to sign your full new name after you marry! This is a good idea. My cousin has my surname as one of his middle names, I could just use my current surname as an extra middle name and use that professionally. I haven't even practised signing my name as Mrs Wonderboy. When i was a teenager my schoolbooks were covered with practise signatures! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 :lmao: I would LOVE this option. However I suggested this and Wonderboys response was rather.... colourful. He said is was very demasculating. (sp?) Ooops I meant Emasculating. I asked WB about your idea Quank. He thinks its a good one too. So maybe I will do that. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 the nice part? When someone's looking for you, despite which surname they use, WB will immediately know who they're talking about! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 I believe on legal documents, you're limited to your legal married name – I seemed to recall wanting my full name on SSN and DL cards, but they said I had to use first and married names ... Really? The only place I use my maiden name is at work, because it's much shorter and easier to say than hubby's name. Thats OK. I don't mind being legally Mrs Wonderboy. I would just like to keep my name somehow, and using it for work and/or as an additional middle name is a good compromise. We really like your ideas, so thanks alot Q! the nice part? When someone's looking for you, despite which surname they use, WB will immediately know who they're talking about! Yeah. I am quite looking forward to being a Mrs instead of a Miss. I am excited about being his "wife". Not just A wife. HIS wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Hypenating is a pain in the butt and I don't recommend it at all. What I did once was drop my middle name and use my maiden name in place of it, while using my married name as my last name. For instance: Sue Smith Jones (not my name, of course). Known to most as Sue Jones (married name) but it was comforting to have my maiden name (Smith) in there for the record. It worked well. At work, you could use both last names without the hyphenation. If you have kids, you'll also share their last name. If you hyphenate, you've got this long string of a name all the time and it get old fast. Plus, records are alphabetized that way, and most of the time people get confused by it and you end up having to give them both names because they can't find something under the other name. Again, I truly got sick of it and if you're lazy like me, you'll really be sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 The right solution is to pick a third name. Both of you change your names. The obvious choice would be some hybrid of your current names. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one thinking around here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 What I love about my province is that the women are NOT allowed to change name after they marry... Why would a woman lose her identity.. why not the man... this is sooo wrong.. I am sooo against name changing after the M.. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I didn't mind the change, honestly. Though sometimes the maiden name is quicker to say, easier to pronounce and spell. And the english translation is rather lovely, I think ... to each her own! I am excited about being his "wife". Not just A wife. HIS wife. it's funny, because I'm usually addressed as Mrs. Quank, so it's always a sweet feeling being called "Mrs." rather than the generic (but polite) "ma'am" :laugh: my boss refers to his wife as "my sweet bride," they've been married nearly 30 years; my husband will call me "wifey," which I find amusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 For years I didn't mind having changed my name, but now I rather wish I hadn't. And if I had your particular name, SB, I would never, ever change it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sb129 Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 For years I didn't mind having changed my name, but now I rather wish I hadn't. And if I had your particular name, SB, I would never, ever change it. Thanks story. It is a special name, and I don't want to give it up. I think I will keep it in some guise, there have been some good suggestions on here. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Don't fix it, if it ain't broken! I had problems with the names being last name first, first name last on the DL because the state does it that way. When I tried to change it, the other state won't because it is not their way. It has to match according to the clerk. Imagine 52, states and districts, each with their own system. :rolleyes: My SSN name has no hyphen because SSA didn't support hyphens, my passport has a hyphen, my state DL couldn't do the correct 1st name surname and dropped the hyphen. Also you two married each other, not the names. The name is part of your identity. Even some posters mentioned professionally I'm maiden name but when I get married, I'll take his surname. Is that not confusing to the kids? "Mommy, why are you called Ms. Maiden-name?" I still say keep your last name. Why complicate things when you don't have to? Costs money and time to change the names. To much of a hassle. As a guy, I do not see any value in a woman taking the man's name. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 The right solution is to pick a third name. Both of you change your names. The obvious choice would be some hybrid of your current names. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one thinking around here. Yeah, I think you are the only one because none of us came up with that idea. It shows your ability to totally think outside the box way better than the rest of us! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 What I love about my province is that the women are NOT allowed to change name after they marry... Why would a woman lose her identity.. why not the man... this is sooo wrong.. I am sooo against name changing after the M.. Whoa! That's really interesting. I had no idea you guys did that in Canada. You know, I always say it's the quiet ones you gotta watch. So, what name do the kids take? Link to post Share on other sites
saraispiel19 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Whoa! That's really interesting. I had no idea you guys did that in Canada I believe it's Quebec she's talking about--wierd laws out there I tell ya like in in British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a sasquatch. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Hey, Aren't you going to move to NZ and start a new life over there? Then just take his name and establish yourself with the married name in there. I think it won't be so complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Whoa! That's really interesting. I had no idea you guys did that in Canada. You know, I always say it's the quiet ones you gotta watch. So, what name do the kids take? It's not all Canada.. it's Quebec only.. the kids can take either the mother's name, the father's name or both ... it's very open here.. I like that.. but in some other areas, women don't have as much rights.. it's strange... I would never ever change my name.. I think woman goes a step behind when she does.. we still have a long way to go before we are 'equal' to men.. (in society) and I think taking HIS name is a step backward.. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 My H and I discussed both of us changing our names to create a new name; like Gates or Kennedy. If you're going to change it, why not go with some one who's rich and powerful? haha Link to post Share on other sites
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