More "guy weekend" b.s.

[Star Gazer]

2 threads..all pertaining to a different things. I didn't demand that I was staying at all, I actually TALKED to my bf about reaaranging plans and although his initial reaction was troublesome (hense the reason for the thread) he was understanding once we discussed the issue and the weekend went perfectly fine.

 

All of these threads about this past weekend were all about the same thing, LB. You just kept changing the rules at your whim.

 

You told him. You told him you were staying. You told him about it. You didn't have an open dialogue. He was shocked.

[Star Gazer]

Hmm actually the "tough love" upset me, and I continued with my plans, which worked out for the better actually.

 

Not trying to say "told ya so" or anything just trying to clarify.

 

No "I told ya so" is necessary because you're not being honest with yourself. You didn't continue with your plans. I don't have the time nor the energy to quite your original plans and what you ended up doing, but let's just say: ya didn't have pizza there, and you didn't get ready there (which was your intent at the beginning of this thread).

[Trialbyfire]

2 threads..all pertaining to a different things. I didn't demand that I was staying at all, I actually TALKED to my bf about reaaranging plans and although his initial reaction was troublesome (hense the reason for the thread) he was understanding once we discussed the issue and the weekend went perfectly fine.

It's good that you're discussing things but what will happen the next time another situation comes up? How far will both of you take it?

 

LB, I've given you both positive and negative feedback. So have a number of other people. If you're going to get huffy when people don't agree or validate your perspective, where do you suppose your relationship would be now, if only validating opinions had been received over the course of the past year?

[Lauriebell82]

All of these threads about this past weekend were all about the same thing, LB. You just kept changing the rules at your whim.

 

You told him. You told him you were staying. You told him about it. You didn't have an open dialogue. He was shocked.

 

I told him about my plans, yes. Reason he was shocked. Yes. Discussion afterward processing his feelings about the situation and coming to an agreement that was right for both of us. Yes.

[Lauriebell82]

It's good that you're discussing things but what will happen the next time another situation comes up? How far will both of you take it?

 

LB, I've given you both positive and negative feedback. So have a number of other people. If you're going to get huffy when people don't agree or validate your perspective, where do you suppose your relationship would be now, if only validating opinions had been received over the course of the past year?

 

I totally understand negative feedback. Actually people have given me negative feedback and I've been okay, actually agreed and knew that I needed to change. That helped me.

 

Insults (and yes, I felt they were insults, even if they weren't meant to be) are when I got huffy. I'm sensitive and when I feel I'm being bashed I get huff and defensive. not saying that is right, that's just what my actions are.

[Star Gazer]

LB, I've given you both positive and negative feedback. So have a number of other people. If you're going to get huffy when people don't agree or validate your perspective, where do you suppose your relationship would be now, if only validating opinions had been received over the course of the past year?

 

Precisely my point in my post above. Without those of us giving her "tough love" over the past year, she wouldn't even HAVE a relationship. While she's now oh so confident that she can "do this on her own," she's never ultimately followed her own initial gut reaction.

 

LB only wants to hear that she's right, her BF is wrong, and her relationship is strong and is going to last forever.

[Lauriebell82]

It's good that you're discussing things but what will happen the next time another situation comes up? How far will both of you take it?

 

LB, I've given you both positive and negative feedback. So have a number of other people. If you're going to get huffy when people don't agree or validate your perspective, where do you suppose your relationship would be now, if only validating opinions had been received over the course of the past year?

 

Actually I HAVE taken what a lot of posters have said, and I did try to apply that advice. I just don't feel that really attacking me is helpful, its just hurtful.

[Star Gazer]

I'm sensitive and when I feel I'm being bashed I get huff and defensive. not saying that is right, that's just what my actions are.

 

When you know there's a negative part of your personality, you should make efforts to change it. You don't just sit back, shrug, and say, "That's me. Take it or leave it," because I guarantee eventually everyone - including your BF - will do just that: leave.

 

I wonder why it's okay for your BF to tell you the same things we do? Do you stomp off and pout when he expresses the things we have?

[Lauriebell82]

Precisely my point in my post above. Without those of us giving her "tough love" over the past year, she wouldn't even HAVE a relationship. While she's now oh so confident that she can "do this on her own," she's never ultimately followed her own initial gut reaction.

 

LB only wants to hear that she's right, her BF is wrong, and her relationship is strong and is going to last forever.

 

Insults are not "tough love" at least not to me. I really did try to take into consideration the negative (but meant to help) feedback even if I didn't like it. And that HAS helped me.

 

As I recall though, I don't think that many people percieve "tough love" as helpful when applied to a serious relationship, including many of the posters who have posted in my threads. So I feel that those who are judging me for being "huffy" when they feel the same way is rather hypocritical.

[Lauriebell82]

When you know there's a negative part of your personality, you should make efforts to change it. You don't just sit back, shrug, and say, "That's me. Take it or leave it," because I guarantee eventually everyone - including your BF - will do just that: leave.

 

I wonder why it's okay for your BF to tell you the same things we do? Do you stomp off and pout when he expresses the things we have?

 

I don't stomp off, I get upset.

[Trialbyfire]

Actually I HAVE taken what a lot of posters have said, and I did try to apply that advice. I just don't feel that really attacking me is helpful, its just hurtful.

Review your behaviour again. How many threads and posts does it take for you to change your position? Many times you will be easily swayed by validating opinions because they do validate your original position. In order to offset that, it takes a tougher position to get your attention. Where you end up is usually somewhere in the middle. Consider it.

 

Okay, enough said from me. I'll stay out of your threads in future.

[Star Gazer]

If I were told I was being a brat, or being selfish (particularly if the so-called "love of my life" told me the very same things!), and other members were saying the very same things - albeit in a more grandmotherly way - I would check myself. I'd be a hell of a lot more intropective. I wouldn't say, "I'm not posting anymore, I'm done. I can do this on my own. LALALALALALALA!"

[Star Gazer]

Review your behaviour again. How many threads and posts does it take for you to change your position? Many times you will be easily swayed by validating opinions because they do validate your original position. In order to offset that, it takes a tougher position to get your attention. Where you end up is usually somewhere in the middle. Consider it.

 

Okay, enough said from me. I'll stay out of your threads in future.

 

Agreed, on all points.

[Lauriebell82]

Review your behaviour again. How many threads and posts does it take for you to change your position? Many times you will be easily swayed by validating opinions because they do validate your original position. In order to offset that, it takes a tougher position to get your attention. Where you end up is usually somewhere in the middle. Consider it.

 

Okay, enough said from me. I'll stay out of your threads in future.

 

I didn't tell anyone to stay out of my threads, nor would I. I didn't like what you had to say, I'll admit..doesn't mean I'm going to "ban" you.

 

Yeah, I suppose I did end up somewhere in the middle.

[Lauriebell82]

Agreed, on all points.

 

Okay. Nothing more to say then.

[Trialbyfire]

I didn't tell anyone to stay out of my threads, nor would I. I didn't like what you had to say, I'll admit..doesn't mean I'm going to "ban" you.

 

Yeah, I suppose I did end up somewhere in the middle.

Ban me from your threads? Good luck with that!

[Nevermind]

I didn't tell anyone to stay out of my threads, nor would I. I didn't like what you had to say, I'll admit..doesn't mean I'm going to "ban" you.

 

I think, Trial understood that. If posters attitudes are incompatible, it is best to go separate ways.

[bish]

WHAT? He wants me to get my own freaking life. So I got one. What I'm supposed to stay at home in my room while they play poker and not go out because they couldn't get a cab??? YEAH RIGHT.

 

pay Ariadne no mind. She has no logic at all. She expects that your bf can whoop it up and party, but you are suppose to go somewhere and act like a nun.

 

Glad you had fun. and since your bf did kick you out, he has no say what you do on that weekend anyway.

[Trialbyfire]

I think, Trial understood that. If posters attitudes are incompatible, it is best to go separate ways.

Actually, now I'm irritated. Previous to that, I stopped giving a crap.

 

Lauriebelle is welcome to solely validating opinions. I've put enough time and energy into her.

[Lauriebell82]

Actually, now I'm irritated. Previous to that, I stopped giving a crap.

 

Lauriebelle is welcome to solely validating opinions. I've put enough time and energy into her.

 

I appreciate all the advice. Nobody has to put time into me if they don't want to. If you don't want to, then that's totally fine.

[Nevermind]

Oh, I thought once you wrote that you wouldn't read anything anymore, that's why I wrote a reply.

 

You (and I) think that tough love is appropriate, LaurieBell tends to close up when said tough love is thrown her way. More often than not she will feel insulted by it, and you will feel irritated by that.

 

So I thought that's why you didn't want to reply to her anymore. Sorry if I misunderstood.

[bish]

I appreciate all the advice. Nobody has to put time into me if they don't want to. If you don't want to, then that's totally fine.

 

Dont worry about it LB. I have been in your situation with someone once who wanted me out of sight when convenient for her.

 

But then she got mad when I abided by her wishes, and wasn't readily available for her when it suited her.

[Lauriebell82]

Dont worry about it LB. I have been in your situation with someone once who wanted me out of sight when convenient for her.

 

But then she got mad when I abided by her wishes, and wasn't readily available for her when it suited her.

 

Yeah, I'm not worrying about it anymore, everything is fine. No need to ponder or obsess over the situation anymore.

[Star Gazer]

Lauriebelle is welcome to solely validating opinions. I've put enough time and energy into her.

 

Me too. Actually, probably me-fifteen. Her loss. *shrug*

[Trialbyfire]

Oh, I thought once you wrote that you wouldn't read anything anymore, that's why I wrote a reply.

 

You (and I) think that tough love is appropriate, LaurieBell tends to close up when said tough love is thrown her way. More often than not she will feel insulted by it, and you will feel irritated by that.

 

So I thought that's why you didn't want to reply to her anymore. Sorry if I misunderstood.

Nope. I never said I wouldn't reply. Just that I won't bother putting time and energy into her.

 

I'm throwing my toys out of my pram, the same way. Perhaps she can see this, perhaps she can't. One more lesson?

 

As for closing up, I strongly suggest that everyone read her previous threads and all the responses posted. Background really helps for a more educated opinion of what works with LB and what doesn't. She's spoiled and stubborn. Enjoy!