justaman99 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I am curious why some of us here say we love someone yet we see, feel and experience the bad in them more than the good. Is it lust, or infatuation or is it because we are lonely? Do we really not know the difference? Are we confused and hopeful or are we really that blind? Maybe they cheated on us but we still want them back. Some may say because they still love them, but why? A partner or ex may have treated us very poorly yet we still say we love them. Why? What do we love about a person who shows us a side to them that is more aligned with anger and pain, disappointment and mistrust, dishonesty and maybe a lack of a true heart? They show us a side to them that isn't lovable yet we say we love them anyway. What do we really love about them? Is it because we hope they are the person we thought they were? Is it because we invested so much of ourselves and they turned out to be different than what we wanted or needed? This isn't love is it? Next to the meaning of life, the most difficult question that may have no answer is what is love? -Just
iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Personally i think that the reason i still 'love' my ex, is that i forgive and forget all the bad stuff she's done to me and remember only the good. That's why i still have feelings for her. It's stupid i know, but that's just the way it is right now...
kyta Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Do i love my x! yes i still love her even after everything she has done to me, but i cant blame her anymore for what she did to me, she did what she thought was rite for her, weather it turns out rite or wrong is irelavant she has to do what she has to, only she will know what she really feels inside, (if she looks) her issues are hers now and she has to deal with them her way, and i have to live my life now the way it is. Life will go on for all of us, but i love her still, even though i dont want her back shes still someone i have spent 7 yrs of my life with and some of it was good, so i will love the good of the time we shared, and as for the hurt its in the past, i cant change that now, but i konw she didnt intentionally go out to cause me pain, she just cant help the way she is, and she will hurt herself and kids and others in the future, but only she can change the way she lives, and she need to see it first that she has problems, and when she sees it she must take steps to heal herself and find her path to walk down, i hope she does find her way and happiness, so i do love her, and i will love another in my life when it happens for love is part of life.
kyta Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 just found this in some old folder on my pc It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails. You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways. Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on. They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow. They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery. You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love them, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and they fall in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.. Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will come again.
serendip Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 just found this in some old folder on my pc It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails. You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways. Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on. When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on. They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow. They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery. You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love them, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and they fall in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.. Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will come again. I think this is from the 'Mastery of Love" by Ruiz. I kind of hate that book...a lot of mistakes in it...factual and theory...he really didn't do his research when using examples...especially his reference to greek mythology. Also the ex told me to read the book b/c she thought it was good....too back she didn't read or understand the chapter where it says cheating is wrong. Love compromises and accepts one another. Love does not stand in the way of dreams but facilitates it.
kizik Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Just, all I can tell you is that love for me IS conditional. If she had treated me well - I would love her. Instead, she didn't, and now I don't. And I don't quite understand people whose exes cheated and they say, "But I still love her." No. Love is a result of our constant efforts to uphold it.
sunshinegirl Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Just, all I can tell you is that love for me IS conditional. If she had treated me well - I would love her. Instead, she didn't, and now I don't. And I don't quite understand people whose exes cheated and they say, "But I still love her." No. Love is a result of our constant efforts to uphold it. As someone whose ex cheated, I think it's incredibly hard to reconcile the person you love(d) with the person who betrayed you. Do I love the Eric who lied to me? No.... but that Eric is like a stranger to me - I loved a different Eric. Yet they're the same Eric. It's confusing. Despite having been hurt to the core of my being, I can't/don't turn off loving feelings like a spigot. With all due respect, aren't many of us lamenting how it seems that our exes were able to turn off their feelings for us like a switch? Why is it some virtue, then, for us to be able to stop loving them so quickly?
kizik Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 aren't many of us lamenting how it seems that our exes were able to turn off their feelings for us like a switch? Why is it some virtue, then, for us to be able to stop loving them so quickly? I see what you're saying, but here it is: love is not an instant switch to turn on or off, on either side. As the Dumper, you find it turned off and you act sh*tty towards your partner. As the Dumped, you find it turned off and are grateful for that day when you see your ex for who they really are. Because only at that point does your idealized "love" dissipate. And when it does - you're free. Free of all the excuses you made for them, free of hoping they will return. Free from being that person they mouled you into for their own selfish agenda. Stopping loving your ex IS a virtue, SSG. It's reality. I would be a f*cking LIAR to say, "R***** treated me well, she's such a reliable person. I'll always think of her fondly." NO! She's mean, confused, self-centered and immature. I don't love her, and thank Christ for that.
ioncebelieved Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 You cannot tell thy heart who to love!!! I thought this was bull until I actually had it happen to me. I can't lie and say all was bad. My R had some GREAT moments and sure I miss them and her, but still........ probably explains why I allowed some crappy treatment!!! Sometimes HOPE can be a MF!!!! I hate that I had it and I still do some.
LikeCharlotte Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 "Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernières
Biker2007 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 The next time I say I love you to someone, this is what it will mean to me: Love is friendship that has caught fire. It appear as quiet understanding, trust, sharing, and forgiving. Love remains loyal through the good and bad. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weakness. Love feels content w/ the present; it hopes for the future; it does not brood over the past. Love includes the day in and day out chronicle of irritations, problems, and compromises; the small disappointments, big victories, and common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you do not have it, no matter what else you have, it never feels enough. Ioncebelieved - you are so right about the heart having a mind of its own...mine just will not forget her, and it's been a very long year w/out her.
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