serendip Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Whoha!! I'm not breaking NC.. at no point did i say that.. I am determined to stick with it. I'm just finding it hard is all... This time i mean it , i don't want to be here whinging about the same thing a year from now. Trust me on that! As for my hope that she'll magically realise that she's made a mistake.. I'm very guilty of that i'm afraid.. I never said you were going to break NC I said you don't want NC...what you really want is her back...that's why you would hurt yourself intentionally by looking at facebook The day she puts "in a relationship" on facebook is the day you will freak
northstar1 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Whoha!! I'm not breaking NC.. at no point did i say that.. I am determined to stick with it. I'm just finding it hard is all... This time i mean it , i don't want to be here whinging about the same thing a year from now. Trust me on that! As for my hope that she'll magically realise that she's made a mistake.. I'm very guilty of that i'm afraid.. Looking at her profile thing is a method of passive contact from her to you, and she doesn't even have to make an effort. Dude you're gonna torture yourself if you keep checking. You'll see her happy in pics at parties and you'll ask yourself "WHo are those dudes in the pics with her, why is his arm around her?" You'll read what her friends write on her wall and try to decipher the code , and may get it right or wrong. And yes, if she ends up with someone and is immature enough to put "in a relationship" knowing you are still on her list - it will kill you. Either stop youreslf going on the site at all, or block her.
Author iwish Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 thanks all. It's my plan never to look on that cursed website again. If i find myself looking one more time i will have to go to extreme measures and delete my account all together. All you see on facebook is the good side of her life, you don't see the 'real' thing. Don't get me wrong, she's more than entitled to being having fun, it's none of my business any more. And the only person getting hurt is me. She's probably completely unaware that i'm even looking (i hope so!). I'm going away next week and will be walking across the Alps. There's no internet access there, so if i can control the urges for 6 more days... Damn NC is hard
datingmum Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Hey dude, I'm here for you. 6 little days will be a breeze! Then...the Alps! They say if you do anything for 7 days, it imprints in your neural system!
Author iwish Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 hey DM, long time no hear.. How's it going with you?
datingmum Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 ha haha. I know. Things were really good for awhile. Go and check my post on Cheating, Flirting, Jealousy. Basically, I'm starting to come to terms with how I keep screwing things up with my controlling ways. It's tough, becasue I still want to do those things, even though I KNOW it's what stands in the way of having a great relationship. Then my mind starts defending itself, playing convenient tricks like "Oh, well, maybe it's my behaviour causing all this, but if he really loved me, he'd put up with it...." or "He's just using this as an excuse!" I spoke with my exhusband for hours the other day and listening to his version of what wrong in our marriage sounded like listening to my current partner. Down to the EXACT same phrases. Bloody bizarre. Too similar to be ignored. But has it gone to far? Have a I lost my chance? Who knows what will happen or how....All I know is - THANK F*7K FOR LOVESHACK. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without it.
Author iwish Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Oh dear DM, i'm sorry to hear that... I was insecure with my ex but i believe that being down to her untrustworthiness.. She lied and was sneaky and that helped in killing our relationship. Yet i still miss her and think about her far too often.. I'm having a tough day today, i think it's something to do with the 2 Weeks NC.. It's like a milestone to me, i haven't got passed it before and well today is that day of over 2 weeks.. I've been thinking of her all morning and well i just want to know what she's up to, if she's missing me yet or at least thinking of me.. I've been keeping of facebook today and hope to mantain that. When was the last time you saw your bf? or is he ex now?
datingmum Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Don't want to hijack your thread again babe I finally gave up on the idea that we HAD to be engaged/married in the short term recently. Nothing good will come of a marriage borne out of guilt, ultimatums, etc. Last week, I told him i wanted to live together again because i miss him so much, and want to get back to that, so he can trust us again too. He was unsure, worried that it'd end terribly. I made a joke as I was leaving his house, saying "Well, the girls (my daughters) and I could always have a sleepover here and just Never Leave!" He laughed but didn't say anything. The next day, I sent him a post I made on here about my 'problems' to illustrate that I do understand the extent of my issues and how they've affected us. He called that afternoon on way home from work. I was upset, saying i was scared and didn't want to live, isolated by my problems, in a little box all by myself forever. He said "That won't happen." He said that we have plenty of time to talk over the points in my post when the girls are away at their grandmas this coming week (Sunday). Then he said "why don't you and the girls come for that sleepover". We did, it was lovely. No talking about stuff, we were both stressed from work and relaxing. Then, I've been busy with work events in evening the last two nights so I came back to my house and I'm also busy tonight. I told him so the other day, but didn't say what I was doing. He emailed me a bit yesterday. I responded. I stopped at his after work yesterday. I said "haven't heard from you, you normally call after work." (urgh, bad move) then I said " Are things still ok between us? You haven't asked me about any plans for future, is that because I'm busy next few days?" He said "Yes, have your plans changed?" "i said no, but i mean for future. Were you not asking because you know girls were away on Sunday?" he said "yes". I left, literally had only stopped in. Before I did, he kissed me and hugged me. But he never texted me last night, and I texted him. Then I rang at 1.30am. I just feel so wobbly. I just want to be able to call/text to reach out to him, to know that he's still there, in that place. He never responded, which is ok, prob out with the boys but it hurts that he didn't bother to respond this morning either. He's on golf course and didn't take his phones, but it's weird that he'd not respond to me this morning at least to say "Hi". Maybe he was in a hurry and hung over. We'll see what happens. Sooooooo obsessive and controlling eh? I'm very very insecure right now, don't know if it's justified or I'm just being crazy again. It's a bizarre frame of mind.
datingmum Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 Regarding your situation, 2 weeks is fantastic!!!! Don't let one measly day get you down babe! What I've realised is that if you allow the negative thinking to start taking root, you snowball downhill quicker than the first time you felt horrible about the situation. The only thing that stops me is being out in public, doing stuff. If I'm left in my home to my own devices, I become insane. Glad to hear you've been going on dates, I've just been reading your posts! You sound hot, frankly, so don't feel so bad!
Author iwish Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 i don't want to get into trouble again about having a two way conversation in a thread. So if anyone wants to input, please do.. That aside.. Well your situation sounds salvagable at the moment. You just need to relax... He seems like he's just getting away for a bit. A night with his mates having a few beers and a day playing golf is innocent enough.. I wouldn't worry. I bet he'll call tonight. Just don't call him yourself. Wait!! As for my situ.. yes i've done two weeks before, but this is the longest by one morning!! I know she's busy today doing something secretive (bloody facebook) she might even have a date ... Yes the negativity does get hold and stops you from doing things. I am supposed to be going out today but i really don't want to. It's pathetic really. I just feel like i wont enjoy myself.. So i'm sitting in... moping, whilst she's enjoying herself.. stupid stupid stupid!! Yeah i've had a few dates, but... I only want her right now!! It's bloody frustrating.. No one seems to even compare to her, not even close..
datingmum Posted July 19, 2008 Posted July 19, 2008 I know, I know, no one compares.... *sigh* On a positive note, why don't we both log out? I'm due to go camping with all my girlfriends and their families. They're all bohemian, so it should really be a laugh. I have so much work to do before I drag my butt out to campground, so why am I on here? I'm going to log off now and go and do something good for my soul. The thoughts are still there but maybe if we can just mete out the time spent thinking about them! Do what I did last weekend... I was on my own and I thought "I'm tired of sitting in my house moping!" Went down to the pub with a book, sat in the sun. Glorious, and I was proud for just doing stuff, working through the feelings rather than the feelings ruling me. Good luck!!!
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