iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 It's been two weeks of NC today. The last time i saw her we kissed and hugged on the way to our seperate lives. I'm struggling today, there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of her, that i don't miss her. I've been on here ages and am going NC to try and forget her and try to move on with my life. It's not working. I forced myself to go on two dates in the last two weeks and both of them failed. I was ok on the date itself and didn't let things go too far (only kissing) but i got home and felt really blue afterwards. You see neither of them were her. Neither of them even slightly measured up. It depresses me. I want to be over her and i don't seem to able to do it. What's wrong with me? I read other threads and people seem to be doing ok. Even Y has got some sort of solution. But me, i just can't get her out of my head. I look at her face book life and she seems absolutely fine, going out drinking, having great fun. Whilst i'm stuck in this rut. I try to think of the bad times (and there were a few) she put me through, yet they don't stick. I just miss the girl and can't seem to shake it. It's getting very boring and annoying and i think i'm suffering from depression. We originally split up 5 months ago, got back together 3 months ago for a month, then split again. Met up for sex over a month ago and then kissed and hugged two weeks ago.. and now nothing... I just want to forget her and move on, but i can't
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 "I forced myself to go on two dates" You see neither of them were her. Neither of them even slightly measured up. It depresses me. I want to be over her and i don't seem to able to do it. hey man, i know your pain. its hard no one can deny that, if it wasn't,you wouldnt be human. looking on her myspace etc is never a good idea. no one is going to write how depressed they are on there are they? remember its a place for people to show off and put on a front. you really really need to go NC. otherwise you open hurting wounds every time you reset the clock. i picked up on those things you said above, you forced .... your heart and mind is not ready in any shape or form to start dating. of course all you will think about is her. i went through this and i am just coming out the other side and its been 5 months of NC.... out of sight out of mind... in order for you to be where your head knows you should be, you need to go NC and let time heal you. and again, its hard, very hard. ive been there. its not nice stay strong and as time goes on you will look back and have a different angle on things (or perspective) x edit, tips for surviving, hang out with your best mate and enjoy there company. work out at a gym to. its amazing how good you feel after a solid work out. it also releases endorphins in your brain that relieve stress, plus if you keep it up your be in great shape and no woman will resist you !!!
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks PP.. I wish i could turn back the clock and gone NC ages ago. I would be a lot more healed than i currently am. But then we wouldn't have got back together and we wouldn't have had the hotel night... I still have this hope you see (stupid i know).. Deep down i hope that she realises that i've gone for good this time and wont be chasing her down, asking her out or basically contacting her in anyway... She actually told me two weeks ago that she starts wondering what i'm up to after i don't contact her for a while (2 weeks is my longest stint of NC) and then i go and ruin it by making contact. It's a situation i can't win is it? As for the gym, yep i'm doing that.. I go three times a week and it does make you feel better afterwards for sure. I tried dating the girls because i just want to get over this. I want to be happy again.
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks PP.. I wish i could turn back the clock and gone NC ages ago. I would be a lot more healed than i currently am. But then we wouldn't have got back together and we wouldn't have had the hotel night... I still have this hope you see (stupid i know).. Deep down i hope that she realises that i've gone for good this time and wont be chasing her down, asking her out or basically contacting her in anyway... She actually told me two weeks ago that she starts wondering what i'm up to after i don't contact her for a while (2 weeks is my longest stint of NC) and then i go and ruin it by making contact. It's a situation i can't win is it? As for the gym, yep i'm doing that.. I go three times a week and it does make you feel better afterwards for sure. I tried dating the girls because i just want to get over this. I want to be happy again. i hear you bro, yep i did that to, dated but wasnt ready and all i could do was compare her to ex and it just wasnt working... only in time will you know that its time to put your old re in a deep place in your mind and move on. you just have to ... how does she contact you? mobile or like face book etc? delete her from everything (its hard but again, you just have to) keep her mobile number sure but save her name as do not call or txt. its amazing how good that is. well you have told her to lay off. you must tell her that you are to hurt to stay in contact and that you would appreciate it if she could not contact you. or bluntly tell her you dont want to hear from her again. you can win but only you can help yourself good news on the gym then! keep it up and trust me you will get out the other side x
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 thanks again! I think you misunderstood me though.. I'm the one who breaks NC.. I'm the one who initiates all of it.. She might respond, she might not.. Depends what mood she's in.. I did all the chasing.. 2 weeks ago i told her that i wouldn't be contacting her anymore, i told her that i missed her a lot and also told her that she has my number and can use it anytime she sees fit. So far not a peep from her.. I'd absolutely love it if she initiated contact sometime.. It would make my day!! But she's obviously over it (although to my face she says not).. She lies a lot though..
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 oh i see!! well dude, why you putting yourself through this? everytime she txts you it will give you temporary relief but then hurt again. you said yourself you wish you kept nc a long time ago. well its good you told her you wont be contacting her. do you want her back then? sorry if thats a dumb question. cause nc will help her decide what she wants to and if she dosnt want you, at least nc has helped you move on. remember its about what you want and your needs, look after no1 bro.
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 You're a wise man Peter Pan (yes that rhymes!) I've taken a look at your story on here and respect to you for maintaining NC and also well done on the phone number last night, that girl looks hot .. Yes i put myself through all of this over the last 5 months of hope, rejection and hurt.. It's all my fault for not going NC sooner. But i always had that hope and i just didn't give up.. I have now though.. 2 weeks ago i made a promise to her and myself that i would cease all contact with her, that if she wanted me she knew where i was and the ball was in her court.. To answer your question, yes i do want her back!! But i want her to come back on her own, i don't want to have to sacrifice everything for her only to get nothing in return.. You see when we got back together last time, i tried so hard to please her and treat her right.. but she just didn't really bother.. Although the sex was still great! It was always going to end in disaster and it did, she dumped me again.. The last time we spoke, she actually said the thing she misses about me most is our sexual chemistry.. I'm hoping that in time she will remember me for more than that and maybe break the NC... Failing that, i'm also hoping that i will get over her and be able to go out on a date with another girl and think that she is in fact better than my ex.. That's where i'm struggling right now.. I can't think of anyone i'd rather be with than her and that pisses me right off!
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 thanks bud that means alot to me see, with me i did hold onto hope that she would come back or realise her mistake, but she must learn on her own. but she didnt and now ive realised alot of things that werent clear at the time because i was so obsessed with "her". i dropped all hope completely, it lifts a big weight off your shoulder. god, im worried now if she does try talking to me lol!! at least we know we tried everything we could, rather than be left thinking you could have done more.. one thing i wouldnt have done though is tell her the ball is in her court, because this means she can happily live her life knowing in a sense that she "has you" when (now i hope she dosnt) she likes. And you can prove that she really dosnt have you by not replying to her "if" she ever replys. you have to allow your head to know they are not coming back, its the best way to look at it. hurts, but will help you alot! in time you might actually think why did i want her back lol... trust me. this bit you said "It was always going to end in disaster and it did, she dumped me again.." i have said this somewhere else but the reason why ex's that get back together never last is because in your head you fantasize about how good it could or should be, when you finally get a chance to be with them again sure it will be good for a small amount of time, but when things dont go how you imagined it would you fantasy quickly becomes boring reality and then it ends soon after. you will meet a new girl, there are millions!!! dont think, thats the key... it will naturally happen and your be like, wow that was easy after all lol, nc is good and i know ive been extremely weak sometimes but now i look back at the weak times and realise that i am soo soo glad i maintained nc. it causes heart ache which no one needs x
Meaplus3 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 It's been two weeks of NC today. The last time i saw her we kissed and hugged on the way to our seperate lives. I'm struggling today, there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of her, that i don't miss her. I've been on here ages and am going NC to try and forget her and try to move on with my life. It's not working. I forced myself to go on two dates in the last two weeks and both of them failed. I was ok on the date itself and didn't let things go too far (only kissing) but i got home and felt really blue afterwards. You see neither of them were her. Neither of them even slightly measured up. It depresses me. I want to be over her and i don't seem to able to do it. What's wrong with me? I read other threads and people seem to be doing ok. Even Y has got some sort of solution. But me, i just can't get her out of my head. I look at her face book life and she seems absolutely fine, going out drinking, having great fun. Whilst i'm stuck in this rut. I try to think of the bad times (and there were a few) she put me through, yet they don't stick. I just miss the girl and can't seem to shake it. It's getting very boring and annoying and i think i'm suffering from depression. We originally split up 5 months ago, got back together 3 months ago for a month, then split again. Met up for sex over a month ago and then kissed and hugged two weeks ago.. and now nothing... I just want to forget her and move on, but i can't The early stages of NC are very tough! You should give yourslef a big pat on the back for making through two weeks.. thats a GREAT start! Now..Stop looking at her facebook.. this will only make you feel worse. Keep up with NC. Stay strong! AP:)
northstar1 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 thanks bud that means alot to me see, with me i did hold onto hope that she would come back or realise her mistake, but she must learn on her own. but she didnt and now ive realised alot of things that werent clear at the time because i was so obsessed with "her". i dropped all hope completely, it lifts a big weight off your shoulder. god, im worried now if she does try talking to me lol!! at least we know we tried everything we could, rather than be left thinking you could have done more.. one thing i wouldnt have done though is tell her the ball is in her court, because this means she can happily live her life knowing in a sense that she "has you" when (now i hope she dosnt) she likes. And you can prove that she really dosnt have you by not replying to her "if" she ever replys. you have to allow your head to know they are not coming back, its the best way to look at it. hurts, but will help you alot! in time you might actually think why did i want her back lol... trust me. this bit you said "It was always going to end in disaster and it did, she dumped me again.." i have said this somewhere else but the reason why ex's that get back together never last is because in your head you fantasize about how good it could or should be, when you finally get a chance to be with them again sure it will be good for a small amount of time, but when things dont go how you imagined it would you fantasy quickly becomes boring reality and then it ends soon after. you will meet a new girl, there are millions!!! dont think, thats the key... it will naturally happen and your be like, wow that was easy after all lol, nc is good and i know ive been extremely weak sometimes but now i look back at the weak times and realise that i am soo soo glad i maintained nc. it causes heart ache which no one needs x it's really hard to see how NC helps in the beginning. you try and rationalize why they aren't contacting you (they must not care, they are over me etc) and you wonder if don't reach out, will they forget you completely. each time you reach out, it slows the healing a little more. im not an expert, but im guessing once you reach a few months of NC, you start getting used to not having that contact and it slowly becomes routine. you might think a little less of them each day, or dream a little less of them, and might be able to go hours, or maybe a day without thinking of them.
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 yeah true ^^, there isnt a day that goes by where i dont think of her, but i hope one day she will be gone from my memory. it does become normal not to talk or see them. quite easy actually come to think of it
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks for replying everyone. I am trying my best not to contact her anymore. And i will not crack this time! I still hold onto that little hope that she will realise that i'm not chasing her and she will come back, weeks or months from now... But failing that, like you all said, in time i will be used to it and i hope i wont be so bothered... As for facebook, it's a curse. I'm going to go NC with that too! It's just really hard sometimes, not knowing how she is, what she's doing. If she's met someone, if she even misses me, or at the very least thinks about me sometimes.. In a way it would be good to know for sure that she is with someone else, i think that would help..
roghornio Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 In a way it would be good to know for sure that she is with someone else, i think that would help.. you dont want to know,.. really.
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 you dont want to know,.. really. yeah i guess you're right. It would just kill the last bit of hope, but time will kill that i guess...
tealeafbud Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I just want to forget her and move on, but i can't Dude, can't is a big word. I know you don't mean it. You will move on someday. You will forget her for the most part. Soon you'll be getting on with your life and not even think about her some days, but be reminded of her in a little way. We're all going to move on. there may be some bumps in the road, but eventually it happens. Sometimes I wonder what all of my ex's, even the one over 15 years ago is doing now. But it's not like I have feelings for her, I'm just curious. Soon, you'll feel that way about your current ex. Kinda sad, but true.
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Dude, can't is a big word. I know you don't mean it. You will move on someday. You will forget her for the most part. Soon you'll be getting on with your life and not even think about her some days, but be reminded of her in a little way. We're all going to move on. there may be some bumps in the road, but eventually it happens. Sometimes I wonder what all of my ex's, even the one over 15 years ago is doing now. But it's not like I have feelings for her, I'm just curious. Soon, you'll feel that way about your current ex. Kinda sad, but true. Yes you're right. I will move on one day. It just depends on how soon that day comes now that i'm commited to NC. It is very sad about how i will feel about her in the future. But it is the only way that it can be now. I just messed up AGAIN and looked on facebook. I hate that you try and piece how their lives are going by reading random wall posts and her random responses. (her life seems to be great!) I now know things i don't need to know and it only hurts me. Yet i bloody still looked. What an idiot! At least i haven't broken NC.. and i hope never do. My mission is to get over her, suffer this pain, shake the addiction and move on. It's just a ****ing hard hard journey and it doesn't help that she appears to just not give a damn. She's a hot hot girl and was way too pretty for me.
foxh1234 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Yes you're right. I will move on one day. It just depends on how soon that day comes now that i'm commited to NC. It is very sad about how i will feel about her in the future. But it is the only way that it can be now. I just messed up AGAIN and looked on facebook. I hate that you try and piece how their lives are going by reading random wall posts and her random responses. (her life seems to be great!) I now know things i don't need to know and it only hurts me. Yet i bloody still looked. What an idiot! At least i haven't broken NC.. and i hope never do. My mission is to get over her, suffer this pain, shake the addiction and move on. It's just a ****ing hard hard journey and it doesn't help that she appears to just not give a damn. She's a hot hot girl and was way too pretty for me. Let me tell you something and please believe it. Facebook is not real life. My ex is on there all the time and posting how this is great, that is great, partying, the beach, bulls**t like that. It appears like she is doing great and having a ball. ( BTW I blocked her 6 weeks ago and cannot see anything she is doing on there anymore. ) The reality of her life is completely different. We talked 5 weeks ago and she said she misses me everyday, thinks about me every night and cries all the time. Believe me when I say that facebook life is not real life, at least with my ex. People can paint their lives to look like anything they want, it does not make it true. Block the ex and never look back, it has been great for me, I can go on FB and see my friends and not worry about seeing anything to do with her. Sometimes an ex will put stuff on there just knowing you will look and it will have an effect on you. be smart, be strong and block their ass. Facebook is a fantasy life, not real.
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Let me tell you something and please believe it. Facebook is not real life. My ex is on there all the time and posting how this is great, that is great, partying, the beach, bulls**t like that. It appears like she is doing great and having a ball. ( BTW I blocked her 6 weeks ago and cannot see anything she is doing on there anymore. ) The reality of her life is completely different. We talked 5 weeks ago and she said she misses me everyday, thinks about me every night and cries all the time. Believe me when I say that facebook life is not real life, at least with my ex. People can paint their lives to look like anything they want, it does not make it true. Block the ex and never look back, it has been great for me, I can go on FB and see my friends and not worry about seeing anything to do with her. Sometimes an ex will put stuff on there just knowing you will look and it will have an effect on you. be smart, be strong and block their ass. Facebook is a fantasy life, not real. Thanks for that fox. I guess it does make sense. It's like when i go out and have some drinks, i don't look miserable. I smile for the camera. Or if i write on a friends wall i don't write negative things. In fact the opposite. The reason i haven't blocked her ass is basically i don't want her to know that i'm suffering. I've shown her that enough and i really want the tables to turn. I want her to wonder what i'm up to for a change. I want her to start thinking, hang on you know what.. I lost a good thing there. Doh! That'll probably never happen, but you never know
foxh1234 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks for that fox. I guess it does make sense. It's like when i go out and have some drinks, i don't look miserable. I smile for the camera. Or if i write on a friends wall i don't write negative things. In fact the opposite. The reason i haven't blocked her ass is basically i don't want her to know that i'm suffering. I've shown her that enough and i really want the tables to turn. I want her to wonder what i'm up to for a change. I want her to start thinking, hang on you know what.. I lost a good thing there. Doh! That'll probably never happen, but you never know OK, fair enough, you don't want to block her. At least STOP LOOKING!!! Nothing good can come from you knowing what she is doing. Trust me on this, i used to do the same thing and it only hurt me more. Stay away from FB and if you must go on there, avoid looking at her friends pages as well as hers. It is the only way. One more thing, if you really want her to start thinking about what she might have lost, go complete NC. No responses to her, nothing. Drop off the face of the earth for a month or 2. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. This will only help you to heal and possibly make her think. It is working for me. Good Luck
Peter_pan Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 dude that was silly... dont look on it anymore!! delete her from it (block it). it wont show her that your weak or suffering if anything it will do the opposite. so will know you dont need or depend on her. it will keep her from checking up on you. she wont like that. x
ioncebelieved Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 My advice is same as others... Look to the far left of your screen and My avatar is my advice to you. Monday will be 3 weeks for me and Man I know it is tough.
serendip Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 dude that was silly... dont look on it anymore!! delete her from it (block it). it wont show her that your weak or suffering if anything it will do the opposite. so will know you dont need or depend on her. it will keep her from checking up on you. she wont like that. x iwish doesn't want to heal...he wants her back no matter what we say...he still has the hope that she will "come to her senses" and come back This has been going on for months and months...he doesn't want to go NC...he wants her back
Author iwish Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 iwish doesn't want to heal...he wants her back no matter what we say...he still has the hope that she will "come to her senses" and come back This has been going on for months and months...he doesn't want to go NC...he wants her back Whoha!! I'm not breaking NC.. at no point did i say that.. I am determined to stick with it. I'm just finding it hard is all... This time i mean it , i don't want to be here whinging about the same thing a year from now. Trust me on that! As for my hope that she'll magically realise that she's made a mistake.. I'm very guilty of that i'm afraid..
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