Zal2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 A friend who I got into a huge fight with 6 weeks ago wrote this email to me today. This is someone who I wanted to reconcile with the day we got into an argument, but who wouldn't reconcile because she felt she could not sweep things under the rug and forgive and forget. Today she sends me this email and I am annoyed by it. Why? Because I sense pride and self-righteousness. For instance, she writes "if you need something I will respond." The meaning I derive from her statement is: "Zal, if you need something I will respond because I am such a great and wonderful person and I will do that for you." Another example is when she writes "I would like to hear from you every once in a while." Why would she hear from me every once in a while? Why not say instead "Zal, I would like to talk on the phone every once in a while." Why does she expect me to do the calling? I would have preferred her email to say something like this instead: "Zal, I miss you. Despite our arguments and clashes, I valued your friendship and would like to have you in my life again. I would like to talk every once in a while and wondered how you felt about that." Am I being unreasonable? Reading too much into this? I hate this. I don't know how to respond. Here's her email: Hi Zal, I hope all is well with you and I was wondering if you are still going ahead with the [something personal]. I would like to hear from you every once in a while. Despite our personality clashes and what happened between us I want you to know that I do care for you and if you need something I will respond. Keep well. Opinions?
jerbear Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 She is being friendly and being a friend by offering support. I would just respond with something simple like "Thank you, I really appreciate that." After that, make contact when you want to. If you never want to initiate contact her again, then don't. She knows how to find you.
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Your way and her way are different and yes, you would have said things abit differently but the point is, she did reach out and does want to keep intouch. It sounds more like she's putting the ball in your court because doesn't know what you are thinking or feeling right now, so infact, she's being considerate and letting you decide what you want to yet she IS letting you know she'll be there.
Author Zal2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Ok, I am glad I asked you all. Thank you.
Ronni_W Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Am I being unreasonable? Reading too much into this? Hey Zal. I agree with the other posters - you're not making allowances for your friend's communication style, which is simply different than yours. As well, not looking for one or two ways that she could be perceiving and feeling about the situation. Here's how I would respond: Dear <Sue>. Thanks for your email - it made me feel good cos I miss you, too. I also don't like that we are so distant right now. I really appreciate your offer to always be there for me - I would like to be that kind of friend for you, too. Yes, I am going ahead with whatever. (Or: No, I'm not going ahead with whatever.) (Then show your own interest in something that you know is going on in her life.) Well, use your own words, of course. But you get the gist of the message/sentiment, I'm sure. I'll keep remailing - got a couple of 'mailbox unavailable' messages. Hang in there, Zal - it does seem to be a pattern of probably not having a broad enough perspective to encompass others' points of view. Once you get into reminding yourself to expand it, you are truly going to amaze yourself! Have a great weekend, Ronni
Angel1111 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I think you're reading too much into it. It was a nice email. I would respond by saying, "Thank you. I'll keep in touch and I'm here, too, if you ever need anything."
Author Zal2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Ronnie, I just realized I gave you the wrong email address. It is supposed to be zalim(underscore)prenses2004 at hotmail dot com I had forgotten the 2004. Sorry!
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