kindaforward Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I don't know if some of you might remember, but I posted a post a few weeks back about a guy I had liked. He was interested only in sex so we left it at that. After a couple of days we talked again and he made a strong push to have a sexual encounter with me. I was convinced and agreed to have this sort of sexual relationship with him. Ever since that day he was very attentive and kind. For a minute there I totally believed that he was actually falling for me and wanted more than just a physical relationship. Anyways my dream crashed when some days ago he asked me again if I still wanted to pursue a sexual relationship. I agreed, but I was a bit disappointed and I decided at that moment that I would not have sex with him. On Tuesday I spoke to him and told him sincerely that I did not think that sleeping together would be wise. All hell broke loose, he insulted me via text message and then wouldn't respond to my messages. Somehow at work now everybody smiles everytime they looked my way. I found out he had spread nasty rumors about me- about how I was a slut who had thrown herself at him, and how much I loved giving oral sex. All lies considering I NEVER slept with him. I am heartbroken, I never believed that rejecting him would bring out such a vicious side. I really enjoyed talking to him and I thought he was a good friend, and I have even regretted calling off this supposed sexual relationship we were going to have. I just need someone to read this and just tell me anything. I am quite heartbroken, specially because it seems like I will have to quit my job now since he has slandered the heck out of me.
Jilly Bean Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 OK, let me see if I got this straight. You liked a coworker. He only wanted sex. You said no. He persisted in pursuing a sexual relationship. You agreed. He tried to arrange a "sex date". You then refused. He then spread rumors about you at work. And do you see any take-away from this on your part? I sure do, but if I tell you, it just won't mean as much...
Habibti Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Here's my advice, Firstly, Do you like your job? If you like your job and it's good for you don't quit over his slandering. People talk, and if people would honestly rather believe some man whore's word over yours without giving you a fair shot, screw em. You know the truth and this might feel like the most humiliating thing ever, but it's not actually true and pretty soon it will all fall off. DO NOT give this man THAT much power over you. Secondly, Take what you learned here and keep it close to you. In the future when a guy tells you he wants sex only, remember this experience and don't allow yourself to be vulnerable again. It must seem hard to realise now, but you've lost nothing here. You've learned what a douche bag and waste of time a certain guy would of been to invest in before you ACTUALLY did. That's luck if anything . I would march my little ass back into that place of work with my head held high and just continue being a kick ass person.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I don't know if some of you might remember, but I posted a post a few weeks back about a guy I had liked. He was interested only in sex so we left it at that. After a couple of days we talked again and he made a strong push to have a sexual encounter with me. I was convinced and agreed to have this sort of sexual relationship with him. Ever since that day he was very attentive and kind. For a minute there I totally believed that he was actually falling for me and wanted more than just a physical relationship. Anyways my dream crashed when some days ago he asked me again if I still wanted to pursue a sexual relationship. I agreed, but I was a bit disappointed and I decided at that moment that I would not have sex with him. On Tuesday I spoke to him and told him sincerely that I did not think that sleeping together would be wise. All hell broke loose, he insulted me via text message and then wouldn't respond to my messages. Somehow at work now everybody smiles everytime they looked my way. I found out he had spread nasty rumors about me- about how I was a slut who had thrown herself at him, and how much I loved giving oral sex. All lies considering I NEVER slept with him. I am heartbroken, I never believed that rejecting him would bring out such a vicious side. I really enjoyed talking to him and I thought he was a good friend, and I have even regretted calling off this supposed sexual relationship we were going to have. I just need someone to read this and just tell me anything. I am quite heartbroken, specially because it seems like I will have to quit my job now since he has slandered the heck out of me. What an immature jerk!!!! He's just bitter he didn't get any and frankly, you NEVER know at any given time what ANY guy could be saying about you, what rumors they are spreading. I mean, I don't know if there are any guys from my past who I rejected spreading rumors! I would hold my head up high, since you know the truth and stay at the job. To have to quit your job over this ******* seems too drastic a measure and allows him to have too much power over you! Sweetie, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Since I'm an attorney, I can't help but offer my legal perspective on this as well: As long as the other co-workers are not harassing you, then why should you care?! And if they are, go straight to management because that kind of harassment could constitute sexual harassment if management does nothing about it because it creates a hostile working environment. As for him, you could write him a quick cease and desist letter telling him to cease all his behavior as it constitutes defamation, particularly slander, and this is serious. In addition, if it occurs at work, you have a right to complain to management. Hope this helps sweetie, but hold your head up high! This piece of **** is not worth your time or any heartache!!!!
Author kindaforward Posted July 18, 2008 Author Posted July 18, 2008 Here's my advice, Firstly, Do you like your job? If you like your job and it's good for you don't quit over his slandering. People talk, and if people would honestly rather believe some man whore's word over yours without giving you a fair shot, screw em. You know the truth and this might feel like the most humiliating thing ever, but it's not actually true and pretty soon it will all fall off. DO NOT give this man THAT much power over you. Secondly, Take what you learned here and keep it close to you. In the future when a guy tells you he wants sex only, remember this experience and don't allow yourself to be vulnerable again. It must seem hard to realise now, but you've lost nothing here. You've learned what a douche bag and waste of time a certain guy would of been to invest in before you ACTUALLY did. That's luck if anything . I would march my little ass back into that place of work with my head held high and just continue being a kick ass person. thank you I'll be honest, I am fairly younger than him and I honestly really thought that maybe agreeing to the "sexual relationship" he might get to know me a little better and want something more. Now I know that things don't exactly work like that... I am a virgin for God's Sake. I am only 18 years old. I have never been in a situation like this.... I guess I thought it would be like in the movies where he would somehow see me for something else besides a piece of meat.... I was wrong.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 thank you I'll be honest, I am fairly younger than him and I honestly really thought that maybe agreeing to the "sexual relationship" he might get to know me a little better and want something more. Now I know that things don't exactly work like that... I am virgin for God's Sake. I am only 18 years old. I have never been in a situation like this.... I guess I thought it would be like in the movies where he would somehow see me for something else besides a piece of meat.... I was wrong. Please don't blame yourself for this; learn a lesson from it, yes, but don't blame yourself for it. I've been there, but unfortunately it rarely happens that way. A guy who only wants sex, esp. if he is immature, almost shuts off from getting to know you once you agree to that arrangement. There are exceptions of course, but guys can really separate the physical from the emotional and if you like him, you want the emotional aspect to be established before taking it to sex. It's alright to agree to something strictly sexual as long as you are clear about what you're getting into without any expectations of anything more...
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Making inaccurate comments about a woman's unchasteness (i.e., calling you a slut and/or stating that you slept together when you did not) is actually "defamation per se." You need not prove intent or damages to be able to sue him for such blatant lies. I say find an attorney friend to draft an appropriate nastygram.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Making inaccurate comments about a woman's unchasteness (i.e., calling you a slut and/or stating that you slept together when you did not) is actually "defamation per se." You need not prove intent or damages to be able to sue him for such blatant lies. I say find an attorney friend to draft an appropriate nastygram. Exactly, was just about to say it's per se, remember that was a big thing we learned in Torts!? lol Haha, Nasty Gram, love that term! lol You've got TWO attorneys here (myself and StarGazer)telling you this guy could be in some serious deep ****!
Trialbyfire Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Are there any non-fraternization rules within your company? Refer to your employees manual for verification.
amymarieca Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 It's better to find out now that he is a selfish ********* sooner rather than later. I don't really know what to say other than I am sorry that happened to you. Don't let anyone take advantage of your good nature again!
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 Exactly, was just about to say it's per se, remember that was a big thing we learned in Torts!? lol Haha, Nasty Gram, love that term! lol I am a nastygram specialist.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 You can take a lesson from this to never accept another offer where sex is the only thing keeping the two of you together. By saying no, you're establishing your boundaries and building self respect.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 You can take a lesson from this to never accept another offer where sex is the only thing keeping the two of you together. By saying no, you're establishing your boundaries and building self respect. Well, it doesn't mean she should NEVER accept another offer where sex is the only thing keeping two people together if that's what she wants. This case is clearly different because she liked the guy and was hoping an acceptance would lead him to liking her. If your intended outcome is a relationship, agreeing to just sex in hopes he's going to fall for you usually fails miserably. However, in the future if you know you only want sex and nothing more with another guy, with no expectations of anything other than pleasure, then by all means, go for it as long as you are clear as to what you are getting into!!! The issue is to be clear about your boundaries and be clear about your intended outcome.....
KinAZ Posted July 18, 2008 Posted July 18, 2008 I say follow the advice given about your legal options etc, of course, and also... try not to walk around as though it bothers you. The people who do those sorts of things are what we call "bullies" and bullies will feed on you when they KNOW their behavior bothers you. There's no reason to hear a rumor and then act like an idiot, if not to tease or otherwise make the person uncomfortable. There is no reason why adults can't just hear a rumor and go on with life without silly behavior. In such a situation, I would probably start being a little more social. Not over doing it, or taking it beyond the office, but saying hi to whoever feels the need to smirk at me. Not flirty, of course, and possibly rather serious depending on the individual. Anything other than show weakness. In an office setting at least, I don't think they would be dumb enough to continue with their behavior or do anything worse.
Author kindaforward Posted July 19, 2008 Author Posted July 19, 2008 Thank you so much for all the encouraging comments. I've been having a rough couple of days. But at least I will come out of this situation a bit wiser. I see now (that my judgment is not clouded) what a stupid idea it was for me to even think that he could ever see me for anything besides a sex buddy when that's what he was already seeing me as in the first place. Even though others could find this position to be a desirable one, I actually feel really upset. I don't want guys to look at me and think *sex*, I am looking for something a lot deeper. I think he was just intrigued by the fact that I was so young and looked so inexperienced (I am quite shy and awkward). I just have to move on now.
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