Doing the "Right" Thing...

[Karma101]

I've been dating a wonderful man for 7 months. He has been separated for a bit over a year now and has been working through the divorce "process". Wife cheated on him and continued in a relationship with this man throughout the duration of their separation. The wife and BF broke up recently. Right around the same time, she saw me with her STBXH at his house when she picked up the kids. Within no time she decided that she was not sure if she wanted a divorce, that she missed him, etc. They have not had a civil relationship during the separation and have never even talked about getting back together. When he told me of her renewed interest, I told him I would step out of the picture so that he could figure out what he wants. That was 2 weeks ago. We continued to talk everyday and have seen each other numerous times. Not good, I know. As of late, his wife still does not know if she can go back to the marriage, etc. and has continued contact with her exBF as well. Last night I broke down and told him we could not talk anymore. My heart is broken. We told each other we loved each other, etc. and agreed NC. I know he has to do this. They have children. From my own experience, I know that you cannot divorce in good faith without knowing you have done all that you could to save your marriage. They have been married 20 years. I certainly can't compete with that. In my heart, I don't believe their reconciliation will work (based on the fact that she won't definitively commit to getting back together at this point, etc.) Also her timing with her own break-up and seeing us together seems suspicious. At any rate, I know he has to figure this out on his own. This empty feeling in the pit of my stomach is almost paralyzing. He readily admits that we have a deep connection, that he loves me, that he's not sure he's doing the right thing but has to give it a shot for his family, etc. I have no hard feelings towards him, which makes this all that much harder. I can't imagine not having him in my life. Not talking to him everyday. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I said all that I had to say, and then some. I miss him so much already. I know the pain will lessen with time, and that if it's meant to be, we will find our way back to each other when the time is right. But right now, I am heartbroken.