9677tara Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Hi, I didnt know where to put this so I thought this was the most practical place. I recently misscarried my baby at 6 months and went through a terrible time with the labour etc. This happened the 9 june this year and since its happened i dont know how cope? My boyfriend was very supportive for about a week or so afterwards but now everything has changed. He does not want to talk about it, he would not move his scan picture from his previous daughter of the side, which made me very mad and worst of all we have not had sex since. He says he does not want the same thing to happen again or for me to fall pregnant again. Were constantly arguing and fighting and i keep blaming him for what happened. Its getting to the point where i dont even want to hear him talk about his daughter from a previous relationship as it upsets me. I know thats wrong, because i love her to pieces. I just dont know what to do and how to get over this, its ruining my life and my relationship. I keep shouting at him about his ex, getting jelous incase he runs of with her as they already have a child together. Im on antideppressants but nothing seems to be helping. Some advice would be highly appreciated.
Kristine Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 Anti-depprassants take time but they do work. If you want them to work fast you have to be in the hospital where they can monitor you. People grive differently. Some like to talk about the person lost, I'm that way, others don't. It'll take some time for him to come around. As far as the no sex thing that's huge. I don't have advice for that other than maybe he got turned off somehow and I don't know how you can turn him back on.
Ssheena Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I'm very sorry for your loss. I would suggest a support group where you can meet with others that have experienced such loss in person would be best but I bet there are yahoo groups as well. Also, talk therapy. I hope you were not just given anti-depressants and not given the opportunity to talk with a counselor about this. Your boyfriend is more than likely grieving in his own way - for the loss of the baby as well as feeling sorry and sad for you.
Lyssa Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 I'm sorry for your loss, 9677. I agree with Ssheena - a support group will help you to go through this.
quankanne Posted July 17, 2008 Posted July 17, 2008 oh, honey, I'm so sorry for your recent loss. I often wonder if miscarriage isn't the hardest, because a baby is such a sign of hope for the future. as hurt as you are by his behavior, understand this is your SO's way of coping with this loss, and that by not reaching out to you sexually, he's not tempting fate to "steal" yet another child from y'all. It's complicated to say properly, but know that he's hurting as much as you are, and may not know the proper way to express that grief. check around local churches or hospitals or organizations to see who offers a grief therapy group, they could help make the process a bit less painful. if you haven't had any kind of service or ceremony, seriously consider a private send-off for your little one to help give you the closure you need ... hugs, quank
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